Plus de compassion
by aprileagle
Summary: COMPLETE! One morning Haruka reads in the newspaper that Michiru had a bad car accident. Without thinking Haruka leaves her cruel father and decides to take care for her Michi who needs her more than ever before.
1. Prologue: Life without you

Je savais le silence depuis longtemps

J'en sais la violence, son goût de sang

Rouge colères, sombres douleurs

Je sais ces guerres, j'en ai pas peur

Je sais me défendre, j'ai bien appris

On est pas des tendres par ici

Je sais les hivers, je sais le froid

Mais la vie sans toi, je sais pas 

(Céline Dion)

I knew silence for a long time

I know it's violence, it's taste of blood

Loud rage, silent pain

I know these wars, I am not afraid of them

I know how to defend myself, I learned it well

People aren't very sensible here

I know the winter, I know the bitter cold

But life without you, I don't know.

**Author's note:**

It's my free translation from I don't know , because the French version is a little bit different and a little bit sadder (that's my opinion). To all those French people outside: I did my best with translation, I only had some years at school.

For all those people who read my first fanfics, don't be shocked, it's complete another story. It has nothing to do with the events that happened in the past during my last short stories. And it has another style. It isn't so funny because there're no Star Lights and hardly a Sailor Team who would make it funny.

Disclaimer: Haruka and Michiru are owned by Naoko Takeuchi (and the rest of the Sailor Team including Sailor Moon as well).

Don't blame me for wrong details but I never lived with a handicapped person. Maybe it isn't so easy to find back into normal life again. Maybe it isn't so easy to face one's destiny. Maybe it takes much more time until you can laugh about yourself again. And maybe there's too often no hope of cure.

Normally I don't excuse myself for my writing but if I am hurting just one person out there on this wonderful world: I am really sorry. Gomen. I didn't mean it.

Feel free to write to aprileaglefreenet.de. I'll answer every of your letter.

**Plus de compassion**

**(More than sympathy)**

**(by April Eagle)**

**Prologue: Life without you...**

At dawn it stopped to rain. Soon the raising sun broke through the dark clouds covering the sky over the last couple of days. In the bright light the last raindrops started to sparkle and it looked as if nature decorated itself with shinning pearls. Cool wind played with the trees' coloured leaves. Some danced excitedly in the morning dust and the rushing sound was calming. Surely it was going to be one of those days why this months was sometimes called Golden September.

Silently she stood at the open window. The wind played with the wide dark shirt she was wearing over her blue jeans. She closed her eyes and tried to think of nothing. Sunglasses hide her eyes, a dark cap her short blond hair.

_This is going to be my last race._

She raised her hands and reached out for the chestnut tree that was standing in front of her window. She knew she couldn't touch the leaves after they cut the big branch that had been her lifeline once. With the help of this tree she often escaped him. So many times she sat in the crown and looked at heaven above, feeling the wind rushing through the leaves around her. There she almost had felt free and had wished to be able to leave forever. Yes, she had wanted to become the wind to be fast enough to escape forever.

_Today I'll be able to._

Her face was empty as she stood there for a while, the arm wide stretched to touch the tree that had been her only friend in so many years. Her gesture looked like a goodbye wave.

"Haruka? Breakfast!"

She winced as she heard the loud voice downstairs. Actually she wasn't very hungry but she knew she had to eat something because the racing could be exhausting - and she knew that he would force her to eat if she didn't. Slowly she turned around but the pain was faster. It flashed through her body and she winced again. Quietly she groaned and took a deep breath. She knew this pain. She was used to it.

Carefully she went downstairs and entered a light and comfortable kitchen. Her cornflakes stood on the table. She could see her father drinking is coffee behind the newspapers. Haruka sighed silently as she sat down and forced herself to eat her breakfast.

_At least the milk tastes fresh._

"That's what they deserved!" growled her father but Haruka didn't ask. She understood little of politics and she wasn't interested in the old men playing big bosses but being at the same time still little children fighting for their favourite toys.

"I hope you are prepared, Haruka. Because today is a very important race for your career." Said the huge man and put the newspaper down. He ran a hand through is blond hair and got up. "I expect you to break the track record this time. You can do it, I know it." He came over to her and she automatically ducked. "Don't dare to dishonour me again, Haruka!" Then he left the kitchen and the girl lowered her head and pushed her breakfast away.

"Hai." She whispered in a low voice and took the newspapers to think of anything else.

Today I won't dishonour you. Today I will break the track record. And then I will leave you and this bloody life forever!

Silently she read the big news and the weather forecast for the next days. It was going to be a lovely September. That was good, because the summer had been cold and wet.

_Why do I care for the weather?_

She closed the newspaper and froze in motion as she read the headline: Famous musician and his family involved in a deadly car accident.

"Goodness..." she whispered as she looked at the picture below. The silver Ferrari that used to be a dream come true was not more than a small quarter of metal. It was obviously smashed up. A red fluid covered the asphalt of the street below and Haruka was sure that it was blood. No, no one could survive such a terrible accident.

_What happened?_

"'The cause isn't found yet. Japan's best piano player died at the place of accident. His wife fought long but died on the way to the hospital. Their daughter is in intensive care. She is unconscious and the doctors don't see a chance that she will awake again. What a tragedy...'" read Haruka aloud and didn't even notice that her voice became very shaky. Her hands started to tremble and she felt trapped with all a sudden. She couldn't breathe anymore and nausea filled her belly and increased.

What a tragedy!

She read the article once more as if it would change. However, it didn't.

What a tragedy...

Haruka rose from her chair and it hit the floor as she spun around and ran upstairs as if bloodhounds hunted her. She ignored her father's shouting and literally flew into her bathroom. She locked the door and went into her knees beside the toilette. Then she threw up her breakfast. For a long time she knelt there and couldn't fight back a sob.

She isn't dead. Maybe she'll survive it.

Very slowly Haruka came back to her feet and reeled over to the washbasin to cool her hands and her sweaty face and to wash out her mouth.

Surely she'll survive. She's the strongest person I've ever met.

Haruka shook her head then she returned to her room. Her rucksack was already packed with her lunch, her racing suit and her English book. She had to write a test the next day and her father expected only good marks - and English wasn't her favourite lesson. Her French was even worse.

Why should I learn all these silly languages when all I should do is racing the motorbike and making his silly dreams come true? Not even my own dreams...

Determinedly she threw the book and her lunch under her bed and put an old photo album and her worn-out teddy bear in it. She looked around her room and her Walkman and a black pullover followed. Sadly she observed the rucksack.

Strange, that's all I own, all what's important to me. After fifteen long years, all I would leave behind are a teddy and some photos.

She ignored the cupboards filled with trophies. She didn't need them. Not really. They couldn't make _her_ dream come true. Yes, on her Suzuki she was very fast. There she could feel almost free. There she wasn't only as fast as the wind. There she became the wild element itself. Actually she didn't want to win. She simply wanted to escape. To go to a place where no one would ever hurt her again.

"Haruka! We have to leave now!"

The girl nodded and left her room without looking back. She knew that she would never return again and she didn't regret it.

She thought of the newspaper's headlines and knew that she would break every record today just to let this race be over as quickly as possible.

Please live! If not for yourself or your music, then live for me. Because I need you.

Haruka was almost shocked as she felt tears burning in her eyes. She hadn't cried the last two years and she had hardly ever cried before.

"Haruka! Hurry up!"

"Hai!" The girl ran downstairs and joined her father to go over to the big red car he was driving. Silently she sat down and reached automatically for the belt. Her father switched on the radio and Haruka made a face as she heard the famous love song they played a lot at the last time.

"You'll break the track record and be a honour to me, won't you?" asked her father as they left the drive and headed toward the highway.

"Hai." Whispered Haruka and looked out of the window and watched the world flying by.

"That's my good boy."

Haruka's eyes grew wide behind her sunglasses but she didn't say a word. She just pressed her lips together and automatically crossed her arms before her chest. It was a protective gesture.

That's what they deserved! she heard again her father's voice in her head and clenched her fists under her arms.

_I hate you!_

However, she knew that she would never say it aloud. Maybe he knew about her feelings. Maybe he didn't. Probably he simply didn't care. As long as she raced for his dreams how he wanted it everything was alright for him. Haruka shivered slightly although it was very warm in the car. She knew too well what happened when she couldn't come up to his expectations.

Perhaps it isn't going to be my last race.

The girl leaned her head against the seat and closed her eyes.

_But surely it's the last time that he will ever see me again!_

dbdbdb

"Excited?"

Haruka didn't even look up as the old mechanic entered the box. She already wore her racing suit and tried to repair her motorbike as fast as possible. Dirt and oil covered her arms as she worked with the spanner.

"What are you doing? I've controlled it yesterday and it was okay. Did I oversee anything?" Now the old man's voice was very concerned. He came nearer and looked over her shoulder.

"The brake's cable is cut?" he whispered and observed frowning the kneeling girl in front of him. "But that wasn't yesterday when I checked it. I swear."

"Don't tell father." Was all Haruka replied as she finished her work and cleaned her hands on an old towel. A shocked expression appeared on the old man's face.

"You're still wearing your sunglasses? How can you see anything? It's very dark in here." He reached for her but Haruka was too quick. She jumped backward and took her helmet in her hands.

"Is that cool?" asked the old man, then he shook his head. He knew little about the so called young generation but he knew that it wasn't fashion that forced the girl to wear her cap and her sunglasses almost always.

"Without a brake you'd be able to get to the start but the first bent would be too dangerous to..." The old mechanic whispered as Haruka pulled her helmet over her head. The sunglasses and the cap went into her rucksack. Then she put it on her back. It had the same colour as her racing suit and was covered with advertising. When they would realize what she had planned, would be far too late to call her back. Carefully she took the heavy motorbike and slowly left the box. The old mechanic followed her and held her back. His dark eyes looked really concerned at her.

"Why did you change your opinion with all a sudden?" he asked with a shaky voice. Haruka sighed slightly but she understood him. He had been there since she started racing. He had tried to care for her. Sometimes he protected her from the rude opponents who didn't want to loose against a boy much younger than they. The old mechanic was kind of a father to her. Or the grandfather she had never had.

"There's still someone out there who needs me." She declared quietly and entered the bright sunshine, entered the track outside.

There's still someone out there who wants me.

dbdbdb

She raced like the devil. No one could hinder her. No one could hold her back. Nothing could slow her down. The track seemed to be too long for her and it took her too much time until she reached the start again. So she speeded up and every bent was a new adventure if the Suzuki would make it or not. During the tenth lap she broke the track record. She broke it with a time her father had always dreamed of. Surely it would take another long time until it would be broken again, but she didn't care about it. She simply drove like crazy and even overtook the last drivers. The audience yelled and the commentator talked the entire time excitedly. They had never seen anything like that before.

_Please, stay alive!_

_Please, God, let her live!_

She prayed for the first time, because she had never really believed in God. She was convinced that there was no higher power above. Otherwise he certainly had a lot of fun to watch her life and make it worse with every bloody day!

But now she prayed with all her heart. If there was such a power he should watch over her. The piano player's daughter had never done anything wrong.

She's the light in my darkness.

Minutes seemed to last as long as hours and it seemed to take an eternity until she reached the home stretch. The second racer would arrive two minutes later and she knew that she had driven the race of her life. The audience yelled and it was her honour to drive another lap to enjoy her victory until she had to go to the box again. But this time she didn't even think about this honour. Instead of becoming slower she even speeded up.

"What the hell are you doing?" she heard her father in the micro inside her ear. She reached for the cable and ripped it. The angry voice died away and she concentrated on the exit. It was the exit for normal people but she knew that she couldn't escape on a different way. The audience seemed to feel it and some people stepped aside. She bowed over her handlebars and ignored the pain that went through her body. The audience yelled as she left the track and drove through the mass, through the exit and on the street behind the arena. Her wheels squealed on the hot asphalt and some cars had to brake as she crossed the street and turned around to take the direct way to the highway. She knew where the piano player had moved with his family two years ago, and she believed to know in which hospital his daughter was and fought with her life.

_Don't loose this fight!_

Her birthplace was several hundred miles away from the hospital but Haruka was trained well. She speeded up on the highway and she knew that she would reach the big city in about an hour or less. As she knew that her father would never be able to find her in that big city.

_He will never force me again!_

The wind played with her racing suit as she speeded up until she reached her limit. She didn't hesitate and crossed it. After another bend she could see the wide ocean. She had to train too much and so was hardly be able to watch nature's beauty. The surface shimmered like silver in the bright sun, steady waves crushed at the beach and somewhere behind the horizon the sky and the sea seemed to become one.

Strange, I never had a place to go.

But now she felt as if she was coming home.

dbdbdb

"It's such a pity." Declared the nurse to her colleague and thanked for the warm coffee. It was evening and there was little to do. The patients slept and the operations were over. Now they had to watch over the ill people to make sure that they would make it through the night. This was the intensive care unit and the two nurses had seen a lot of sorrow in their lives, but sometimes even they were really shocked.

"Hai, she's so young. Only fourteen. And so talented. The newspapers said that she learned the piano..."

"No, it was the violin."

"Right, the violin since she's four years old and strong enough to hold it. She gave her first concerts with eight and she's very popular. Almost as popular as her father in the music world of Japan." The first nurse sighed and drank a gulp of her hot coffee.

"She's just too young for such a cruel fate." Declared the second nurse and put too spoon full of sugar in her coffee.

"Maybe it's karma that she won't survive."

"Is it so sure?"

"The doctor looked at her with _that_ look on his face this morning. You know that look that makes your heart break."

"Hai."

Silence evolved between them and they sighed again.

"Maybe it's better that she'll die. After all what will she have from her life?" asked the first nurse very silently.

"But she's so young. She has so much time left, so much to experience. So much to learn."

"The doctor isn't sure if she has any brain damages. Maybe she's deaf or blind if she'll awake again. Or she'll be mental handicapped. Then she'll be a person in need of care for the rest of her life. A dead spirit trapped in a still living body."

"It's such a pity. She's such a beautiful girl. And so young! It's said she's won a lot of prices with her music and with swimming. She must be a very good swimmer."

"For sure that's over now. Even if she awakes and even if her brain is okay she'll never be able to walk again. Her legs are broken and the doctor supposes that her backbone got a bad damage."

"But she could live a normal life! Even if she has to use a wheelchair, she would still be able to play her music, to fall in love, to finish school and to get married one day. Her parents were very rich and she'd inherit enough to make her life worth living. She can even drive a car when she uses the helps of special machines!"

"But she's unconscious and the doctor doesn't think that she will awake again. She's almost dead and we can't help her anymore. It's her will to survive now. Maybe she already knows that her parents are dead and so she doesn't want to awake anymore. The newspapers wrote that she loved her parents very much and her parents loved her in return. She has no grandparents and no other relatives. Maybe it's better to die after a short but happy life than to live a long but very lonely one. After all there's no one who would take care of her." The nurse sighed and shrugged helplessly her shoulders. "And even if she's rich it's still very hard to find a person who wants to live the rest of his life with a handicapped person. She would learn a lot again but there are things she would need help for forever. Believe me, it's hard to find such a person. My nephew lost a leg because of an accident and it's very hard for him at school. A lot of students kid him and no girl wants to go out with him."

"But she's so young!"

"Hai..."

Again silence evolved between them and quietly they drank their coffee.

"It's such a pity."

dbdbdb

Haruka took a deep breath, then she turned away from the two nurses. She wore her normal clothes again and the sunglasses although she could hardly see anything in the dark corridor. The motorbike stood on the parking space hidden in the shadows of several trees.

Silently the girl crept through the hospital. Her heart beat violently inside her chest and she could hardly think a clear thought. Her mind was dizzy and the entire world began to spin around her as she heard the nurses' cruel words again and again in her head.

_She mustn't die!_

Haruka sneaked into the room and froze by the door. There in the middle of the room in a bed was a girl under white blankets. Her sea green hair that once shimmered in the bright sun was matt now. The face was covered with bruises and the once so red cheeks were pale. Deep shadows laid under her once so shinning eyes. No smile curved her now almost white lips. Immobile the girl laid there, only her chest moved with the regular noises of the machines that held her body back from dying. Tubes were connected to her mouth, her neck and her arms. Two drips were connected to her left wrist. Her legs were in plaster.

She looks so fragile.

Haruka swallowed hard and didn't even notice the tears running down her cheeks. Tears she had never felt during the last two years when she walked through hell.

When I thought I knew what hell was. Now I see what real hell is.

She closed the door quietly and came slowly over to the bed. The machine's steady noises were driving her crazy but she calmed herself down and forced herself to sit down on the chair beside the bed.

"You mustn't die." Whispered Haruka with a husky voice and more tears ran down her cheeks. Carefully she touched the pale patient's right hand. A girl who brought a little happiness in her painful life. For only some weeks. But these weeks had been the best in all those terrible fifteen years. Those weeks had been worth living this nightmare.

"Can you hear me?" sobbed Haruka and caressed tenderly the pale cheeks and the matt hair. Once she had touched them, too. But two blue eyes had shone up to her and a loving smile had touched her heart two years ago. Once she had embraced the pale girl and felt her arms around herself as well. And just for once she had kissed her. It was the gentlest touch she'd ever experienced and sometimes she thought that she was born just for this moment that lasted for eternity - and that had been over so fast as if it hadn't happened at all.

But it changed my life forever.

"I know you're not gone." Haruka wasn't good at words. She never knew what to say best and so she often kept silent. When her father argued with her she knew that it was better to keep silent. In other situations it was too hard for to explain her feelings, as well. However, now the words were just pouring out of her mouth.

"You can't be gone! Remember what we promised each other at that time! We promised to go to the same school so that we can be together without him interfering in our world. We promised to be together for the rest of our lives. You've wanted to go on tour with your violin and I've wanted to join you with my piano play. Even your dad said that I am very good at it. You can't forget those weeks back then! You can't forget all those words we've said. You can't..." Haruka sobbed and with a sudden she wasn't ashamed of it. "You're all I've got, Michi-chan. You're the one who keeps me going on. You're the only reason for me being alive. What shall I do without you? You're the ray of hope in my dark life. You can't just go like that. There is too much to do for you. You're so talented! The people need your music! They need you being part of their society. You've always wanted to go to high school. To become a real musician. To see the world. You've always wanted to visit Europe and America. That's all possible. Just stay alive. Just awake again. Please!"

It was the second time in her whole life that Haruka begged for something.

"Don't go, Michi-chan. I need you." She whispered and held the lifeless hand to her now wet cheeks. Warm tears ran down icy fingers.

"Please, come back to me! I need you so much! Please, Michi-chan!" As the pale girl didn't react Haruka lowered her head and sobbed helplessly.

She heard the shaky voice somewhere in the dark. She had been here for such a long time that she thought it was right that way. That she belonged in the dark. It seemed to be right to stay here forever. A feeling said her that there were other people in the dark who wanted her to stay. Then there was a bright light and she headed toward it. She saw two figures standing in it.

"Mom! Dad!" she screamed and wanted to run to them. But at that moment she heard the shaky voice. She blinked and turned around. However, there was only darkness. Her parents were still standing in the light, reaching her hands out for her to take her with them, to take her home. But the shaky voice told her something different. She knew that voice. There had been a time when she had listened to it for hours. She liked to listen to it. Slightly she remembered someone smiling down at her. Suddenly she felt wind playing with her sea green hair and she heard the rushes of the wide ocean. She had been there with that person. And she had loved it. She remembered the sun shinning on her skin and the soft violin music in her mind.

"Please come back to me! I need you so much! Please, Michi-chan!" she had never heard that voice that desperate. Normally it was full of fun and joy.

But only in my presence.

Michiru took a last long look at her parents and waved her trembling hand. Her parents waved back with a smile on their faces. Then they turned around and vanished together with the bright light.

It took all her powers to open her eyes. It was dark and she almost fainted as the pain flashed through her body. Her legs hurt so much she wanted to scream. But she had no power to. She heard the steady noises of machines and saw the tubes connected to her body. Fresh air was pushed in her mouth and blood was pushed in her veins. Her body seemed to burn and she wished herself a great aspirin.

However, the sobbing was louder than the machines. Michiru wanted to scream as she slowly turned her head, but she couldn't. The tubes in her throat and her mouth suffocated every try. She saw the girl sitting next to her bed, holding her hand against her cheek. Michiru could feel the hot tears on her cold skin and it prickled. She could see sunglasses on the white blanket and the blond strands weren't any longer hidden by a dark cap. They covered eyes Michiru liked so much in deep shadows.

"..." Michiru rolled her eyes as her voice didn't obey her. She took all her powers and managed to speak a single word: "Ruka?"

The girl raised her head and Michiru would have gasped if she had been able to. The face was covered with bruises and the eyes were blue and swollen. Tears were running down pale cheeks, meeting no resistance.

He's still beating her.

With the rest of her power Michiru managed to caress over the bruises that were normally hidden by sunglasses and the shadows of the cap.

"Michi-chan?" Hope returned into deep green eyes that had shone so desperately some seconds ago. So empty. So all alone.

The pale girl smiled a small smile but it was the most beautiful smile Haruka had ever seen.

"You're driving me crazy, Michi-chan. I've almost thought..." her voice broke again and a sob escaped her throat. The still cool hand squeezed her own one lightly as if she wanted to show her that she was alright. That she wouldn't die. That she would never go in her own world leaving her behind.

Tears were burning in Michiru's eyes as well and she didn't know how she should handle the pain that filled her body, her life.

"Better I'll call the doctor." Said Haruka and wiped away the tears from her cheeks as if she was suddenly ashamed of them. Then she took her sunglasses again. Michiru's hand tried desperately to hold her back and panic grew in her pale face.

"Don't worry, Michi-chan. I'll never leave you again. I promise."

Dark green eyes looked for some moments deep into tired blue ones.

Haruka made hardly any promises, because she held them with all consequences. Michiru knew that. She let her go and smiled a painful smile toward the now opened door. She heard how the girl ran along the corridors screaming for a doctor not caring about the other patients she would wake up.

Maybe there's still hope.

Michiru closed her eyes and prepared herself for the words of the doctor.

Definite words.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	2. Chapter 1: Days of bitter cold

**Chapter one: Days of bitter cold**

"Who's that?" The nurse in training looked curiously at the boy who entered the hospital. He held a great bunch of flowers in his right and a CD player in his left. Determinedly he headed toward the door and greeted the nurses shortly.

"That's Kaioh Michiru's boyfriend. He comes every day to visit her and stays until evening." Answered the nurse and watched the boy entering the room.

"Kaioh Michiru? The famous violin player? The daughter of Kaioh Gendo? The famous piano player who died two months ago because of a car accident?" asked the younger woan with her eyes wide open.

"Hai. It's a wonder that she survived. We all thought she would never awake from her coma and even the doctor gave up. But she fought and survived."

"But the visiting hours aren't yet. They start in the afternoon." Wondered the nurse in training and tugged at her white apron. She wasn't used to it yet.

"This boy's kind of a medicine. The doctor said she's recovering just because she sees him so often. He gives her the hope and the strength she needs to accept her fate." Explained the nurse and sighed. "Let's go on working. You shall learn a lot and not gossip with me!" She clapped in her hands and they both disappeared in the corridor.

"Hi, Michi-chan." Haruka entered the room and put the CD player on the table in the middle. Two weeks after the accident the young violinist was allowed to leave the intensive care unit and even her doctor was surprised how fast she recovered. She had no brain damage and the rest of her body regained strength very quickly. Her broken bones healed and now two moths after the accident Michiru didn't want to stay in hospital any longer. There would be other meetings and a lot of therapies to attend, but Michiru slowly got sick of the hospital, as well, as of the stench of antiseptic and ill people.

"Ruka!" The wheelchair turned around and Michiru rolled over to her. She was wearing her light blue tracksuit. Different magazines laid on her lap and her blue eyes shone. "I wanna go to this high school!" declared the young violinist loudly, then she smiled at the flowers.

"White roses. Are they for me?" she asked and her smile grew even wider. She raised her hand and touched the soft petals. "I love how they smell." She whispered and took a deep breath.

"You really want to go back to school, don't you?" asked Haruka while she put the flowers in a vase and sat down on the bed next to the wheelchair. Michiru learned quickly to handle it. The nurse said that she had a talent for it. Michiru practised hard because she didn't want to stay in bed forever as she had told Haruka.

"Don't make such a face! You aren't so good that you can miss an entire school year. After all it is in Tokyo and there we would have our own apartment. All pupils have their own rooms or apartments there and I've got enough money to pay the rent. It's a very good boarding school and I won't see anything that remembers me of my parents."

Haruka gazed for some seconds sadly at the suddenly pale girl next to her. Michiru hardly spoke about her parents's death, but Haruka knew that it hurt a lot. The young violinist simply didn't want to move into one of the houses or the flats her parents left her. She wanted to live in another region for some years until she had enough strength to accept and to understand her family's sudden death. The persons who meant everything in her life. Who loved her with all their hearts.

Haruka leaned forward and touched gently the musician's left hand. She smiled understanding.

"The school takes talented young people and teaches them until graduation. We don't have to change school till we finish it. That's great."

"Talented people?" Haruka frowned and looked down at the pamphlets in Michiru's lap.

"Hai, I am known as a violin player and you're Junior Champion of Japan as a motorbike racer. They simply couldn't refuse us."

"Couldn't?" asked Haruka alarmed and raised one eyebrow as she saw the innocent look in Miciru's deep blue eyes. The special look she got to know too well during the last two months. Whatever Michiru wanted she achieved it. She left the hospital for some hours weeks before she would have been normally allowed. She convinced the doctor that spaghettis and tomato sauce was better for her than pudding. She got a single room after she argued too much with the old woman who she had shared a room with after she came from the intensive care unit.

"Well, Ruka. Here's our letters of confirmation. The school already accepted us. Besides, the doctor told me that I will leave the hospital next week and I don't want to return to my parents' beach house before I am ready." She held up two letters and grinned a guilty grin, but her eyes shone excitedly. Haruka just couldn't argue with her. Michiru finally found something to live for after the accident and the young racer was pleased about it. She was relieved that Michiru invested so much will and strength in her future after she got to know the truth about her body's irrelevant damage. First Haruka had feared that the young violinist would give up herself and grieve to death. But she didn't. She didn't give up.

She's the strongest person I know.

Haruka raised her hand and stroked some sea green strands on her best friend's small back. Her best and only friend.

"You aren't angry, are you? You see, you'll love this school, too." Michiru put some pamphlets in Haruka's hands and rolled over to the table which was covered with some more.

"Mugen Gakkuen? A strange name for a high school."

"But a very exclusive one." Michiru pushed some buttons on the CD player and soft violin music filled the air. It was the first concert the young violinist had ever given. Her parents had recorded it and Haruka took the CD out of the sea house she was staying at the moment. She wasn't allowed to stay all day and all night at hospital even if she wanted to.

Michiru took a deep breath and rolled back to the bed and took Haruka's hand in her suddenly icy ones.

"And the apartment is made for handicapped people."

Haruka looked up from the pamphlets and stared into the pale face of the girl who was sitting in the wheelchair. Who would never be able to leave it again. The doctor declared her sadly that her backbone was damaged too much and that she wasn't able to move her legs anymore. Michiru still felt them, felt the pain when the broken bones were healing. But she didn't have the strength anymore to move them or even to stand on them. All her life she would be dependent on the wheelchair.

Haruka squeezed gently the hand in her own ones and smiled loving at the pale girl. Michiru was very silent after she got to know about the truth and didn't want to see anyone during the next days. Not even Haruka. Then she asked after a wheelchair and since that day she learned very hard to handle it as if it was her legs now. She didn't give up and fought hard. The way she planned her high school future showed how much she hung on life.

Hope her enthusiasm is not only for her a chance to ignore her handicap.

However, each time Haruka tried to talk to her about that topic Michiru simply changed it and so the young racer decided to give her some more time to think it over. To accept it. And maybe to understand it.

"So you're going to leave this terrible house at last?" asked Haruka and the smile that bloomed on Michiru's face warmed her heart.

"Hai, next week. When the doctor won't let me go, I'll leave this scary building by myself. And no one can hinder me!" Michiru made such a determined face that Haruka smiled automatically back.

"Sure you will." Haruka leaned forward and embraced the young violinist in the wheelchair. She laid her head on the small shoulder and looked down at the pamphlets in Michiru's lap.

"So tell me something more about Mugen Gakkuen ."

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The wind blew sharply and tears were burning in her eyes. She wore a thick jacket and thick pants. A scarf protected her neck and gloves her hands. Determinedly she pushed her wheelchair down the hospital's drive. She didn't want any help. She was able to reach every goal by herself.

It was such a wonderful weather when I left our house.

Michiru raised her head on looked at the empty trees. They looked like ghosts. Grey and naked. The leaves disappeared some weeks ago and now nature was waiting for snow. The sky was covered with grey clouds and the sun hardly ever found a way through them any longer.

The entire city around looks so pale, so dirty. So dead...

Michiru swallowed and fought successfully against the tears in her blue eyes. Her back hurt as she pushed the wheelchair toward the parking space. Of course it had an automatic service but she didn't want to lose the little strength that was left in her arms after the accident. If she used the automatic service she would give in that she was helpless and she didn't want to be helpless.

_Or weak!_

Her strong Haruka carried her bags. She walked silently beside her. First she wanted to help her but one look in Michiru's determined face told her that she better took the bags and kept silent.

"What...?" Michiru stopped the wheelchair and looked surprised at the large dark blue car Haruka headed toward. It was a station wagon, had five doors and was big enough for a big family.

Or a wheelchair...

Michiru suppressed a sob and lowered her head as Haruka helped her out of the wheelchair and into the front-passenger seat. She embraced her and held her tight. For some moments they stayed this way. Haruka pulled her gently against her warm body.

"I sold my Suzuki." She declared after a while and looked with a strange expression Michiru had never seen on her face down at the smaller girl. "The race two months ago was my last one. I don't want to go back again. It was my father's dream, not mine." Haruka smiled confidently. She didn't tell Michiru that she decided for this car because it was big enough for the wheelchair. And she didn't tell her that it was ideal for being modified some years in the future when the young violinist was old enough to get her own driver's licence.

Michiru just nodded and watched Haruka putting the wheelchair in the boot and taking seat behind the steering wheel.

"You're only fifteen. How can you drive a car by your own?" she asked after they started The houses rushed by and Michiru hardly recognized the city she grew up. It all looked so different. So strange.

"Hey, I am Japan's Junior Champion. I got my driver's licence when I was ten years old. I got it for the bike and for the car because my father wanted me to be a formula one racer after I'd reach World's Championship with the Suzuki." said Haruka and observed the mirrors. The young violinist watched her for some minutes in silence. Then she raised her hand and stroked over the scar that was visible on the girl's right cheek. Slowly it got paler and maybe it would disappear one day. However, the mental scars wouldn't disappear that quick. Maybe they'd stay forever...

"Does it still hurt?" she asked and looked into surprised green eyes. They hardly spoke about Haruka's father and how he treated his daughter to become a cool, independent motorbike racer. How he forced her to cross her limits, to break the records and to be the best motorbike racer of Japan. But Michiru suspected a lot and it hurt her to know that Haruka was beaten by her father more than once.

"It's okay." The young racer took the stroking hand in her right one while the left one still held the steering wheel. Lovingly she smiled at the smaller girl and wondered how she could be so concerned about her when she had her own nightmares to face.

It's okay. As long as you're with me.

She wanted to say it aloud but since that night when she almost lost her Michi-chan, Haruka didn't find the right words or simply the courage to say them out loud. But often Michiru seemed to understand her without any words.

The young violinist smiled back and squeezed the hand gently.

"I know." She whispered. Then she looked out of the window. They had left the city and now drove along the beach. The Mugen Gakkuen was located a little bit outside Tokyo near the sea. Michiru glanced out to the wide ocean and the waves that were reflected in tears suddenly burning in her deep blue eyes.

I loved it to walk along the sand. To swim in the fresh water...

She turned away and switched on the radio. Then she closed her eyes and listened to the classic music. She had spent her summers in a light house by the sea with her parents. When her father needed the peace and silence there to compose his music and when her mother was on vacation. It had been the best summers of her life. There she could have been as wild and as loud as she hadn't been allowed to be in their city house. As she hadn't been allowed at school or on the stage.

Those summers are over. Forever.

Again the warm hand squeezed her icy one.

In a summer like that I met my Ruka for the first time. She raced along the beach with her Suzuki and almost ran me over. She was so sorry about it and invited me to an ice cream in the city. I went with her and we had a great day. For the next weeks she visited me every day and it had been the best weeks of my life.

Michiru squeezed the hand back and took a deep breath.

Until Haruka's father found out...

"We're... there." Heard Michiru her best friend's voice. She knew what Haruka first wanted to say: We're home. But both of them didn't have a real home anymore.

Michiru opened her eyes and looked at the girl sitting next to her.

All we have is each other.

She looked out of the window as Haruka took the wheelchair. They stood on a huge parking space near the huge towers of Mugen Gakkuen. It was the largest construction Michiru had ever seen before. It was surrounded by a wall of trees and the sea rushed near. There were great meadows between the towers and other trees, as well. Just like banks, a playground and diverse sport places. Michiru was sure that there was more she couldn't see yet. More inside and outside the huge buildings.

This is my future.

She decided to go to this exclusive school, together with her Ruka. They never discussed it. It was clear that Haruka would follow her Michiru everywhere. Just once she asked why it was possible for Michiru to rent an apartment and Michiru just explained that she had a good lawyer. And enough money. She didn't get a guardian because her lawyer was good enough to prevent it. She needn't one.

Ruka's my guardian angel.

Carefully Haruka took Michiru in her strong arms and helped her into the wheelchair. In some months she would be strong enough to get in and out of the car by herself but at the moment she needed help for it.

"I'll take the bags later. First let's find someone who shows us our apartment." Declared Haruka and Michiru just nodded. Silently the young racer walked slowly beside Michiru who pushed her wheelchair with all her desperate strength.

"Welcome to Mugen Gakkuen!" A woman stood at the entrance and smiled at them. She wore a dark suit and her red hair fell open on her back. "I am Kaori. I am here to show you to your rooms and to welcome you. Dr. Tomoe wanted to welcome you but unfortunately his daughter had an attack and so I am here for him." She declared and shook their hands.

"I am Kaioh Michiru." Said Michiru and tried to bow in her wheelchair but it didn't feel right. She bit her lips but held back a swearword.

"I am Tenô Haruka." Haruka bowed as well and touched gently the smaller girl's right shoulder.

"We're pleased to have you as our pupils at our school. You will like it. Only renowned children of known parents are allowed to visit our school. But please do come with me." She bowed and went out into one of the huge towers. It was even and Michiru couldn't see any steps. Huge elevator brought the persons at the different storeys. This tower had over thirty of them.

"This is the living-tower as I call it. The school is in those towers over there." Kaori pointed through the huge windows while they entered the elevator. It was outside the building and consisted of glass. When they got up the ocean appeared in front of them. The could oversee the area of Mugen Gakkuen and the beach behind, and the endless sea. The sun shone shortly though the thick clouds and the water started to shimmer. Automatically Haruka took away her sunglasses and watched the ocean quietly. She turned her head and saw tears shinning in Michiru's eyes and knew that she had the same thought as she.

This is were we first met. Were we dreamed a great dream of a great future.

"I've heard a lot about your music, Miss Kaioh." said Kaori as they finally left the elevator and walked along the corridor. The walls consisted of glass, too, and they could still see to the ocean. The other walls were made of normal stone. Behind them the apartments were hidden. "I like it. You have an expensive Stradivarius, don't you?"

"Hai." Replied Michiru politely but she didn't want to think of the small case that laid on the backseat of the car, as well. Haruka brought it with her from the light house by the sea, together with the notes. But Michiru wasn't sure if she would ever be able to touch the instrument again.

The corridor was even as well and as they reached the door to their future apartment Michiru could see that there was no threshold as there were in the hospital. She had real problems to get over them with her wheelchair. Tiny steps that hadn't interested her at all when she was able to walk. She hadn't even noticed them back then.

Kaori followed her look and smiled an understanding adult smile.

"Ten percent of all our pupils are handicapped in one way or the other, Miss Kaioh. Dr. Tomoe built these towers with the look of handicapped, high intelligent people who don't get the chance to study at a normal school. One of the reasons for him being so understanding is that his daughter survived a tragic accident some years ago and she hasn't really recovered now. She can use her legs but often she's simply too weak to. So you won't find any borders for your wheelchair." Kaori opened the door and handled each of them some keys and some id-cards.

"If you have any problems or questions, feel free to call me or my colleagues. But I have to apologize myself now. I promised the sports class to go swimming with them in our swimming pool this afternoon." She winked and was gone.

"A nice person." nodded Michiru and rolled into the apartment. She stood in the living-room and huge windows showed out to a huge terrace. From there you could oversee the ocean. Two bedrooms were after a small corridor to the left and the kitchen and a big bath on the right side. It was the biggest bath even Michiru had ever seen. There was a shower and a tube. The tube had a special seat that would help her into the warm water and out without the need of any help from other persons. The washbasins were on her height and the mirrors, too. Haruka had to bow a little bit but she didn't complain at all.

All was covered with soft carpet. Even the kitchen. The cocker was smaller than normal and she could almost reach all pans.

"It's a strange feeling. " whispered Michiru as she rolled on the terrace. Here was no threshold, too. The underground was even and there were some chairs around a round table. The rim was high but it consisted of unbreakable class so that she was able to look down at the wide ocean. Suddenly tears were again shimmering in her eyes and she fought hard against them. Wind played with her long sea green hair and for the first time after she'd left the hospital she really recognized what it meant to be paraplegic.

No more running, no more riding. No more swimming...

Two strong arms took her out of the wheelchair. Michiru looked asking up into dark green eyes. Haruka went over to one of the deckchairs and sat down with the young violinist on her lap. She embraced her and held her tight. Slightly she rocked her while they watched the sun reflecting in the surface. Rough wind went through their clothes but they didn't even notice the cold.

"Is this our new home?" asked Michiru with a quiet voice and leaned her head against Haruka's shoulder. The taller girl leaned her head against Michiru's one and started to stroke the sea green hair that felt like velvet.

"I don't know." Answered the young racer honestly and pulled her best friend closer.

My home is wherever you are.

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"Good morning, boys and girls. Today we have to welcome two new pupils." The young teacher stood in front of the class. They were all talented and very intelligent pupils from rich parents. The teacher, a friendly woman with long blond hair, looked for some seconds in expectant faces, then she waved toward the door.

"Come on in. Don't be so shy."

Haruka took a deep breath and rolled her eyes. They moved into Mugen Gakkuen one week ago and they both knew that they'd have to join the lessons. But she wasn't very keen on school. There were more important things to do than to study for silly exams she wasn't really interested in to pass. She preferred to go with Michiru to the doctor's appointments to see her regaining her strength. To pray every time that a wonder would happen and that her Michi-chan's life wouldn't be so hard any longer. It was more important for her to go to the cemetery together with the young violinist and to talk to her about her feelings about her parents' death.

And now I am standing here.

Haruka wore the boy's uniform of Mugen Gakkuen and as she looked that morning in the mirror she had to admit that she really looked like a boy. With the brown trousers, the green jacket and the short blond hair she really looked like the son her father had always wanted to have. The young racer lowered her head and watched Michiru silently sitting in her wheelchair. She wore the girl's uniform, but decided herself for a long green skirt instead of a short one. The green and brown colours were okay but a blue dress would have suited her better. Her sea green hair were bound together in her neck and her face was very pale.

She looks like a porcelain doll.

Shortly they exchanged glances then they entered the room. Together.

"These are Kaioh Michiru and Tenô Haruka." Introduced the teacher them to the class. "They're part of our community now and I hope you will be nice to them." The boys and girls nodded well behaved and several curious looks touched Haruka but she didn't care about them. Her face was as empty as Michiru's. Shortly they introduced each other to the class. Just a few words spoken with insensible voices. Just a few words that told their new class mates about their hobbies, their favourite lessons and the lessons they didn't like at all. Just a few words that didn't betray anything about them. About their real characters. About their feelings. About their fears. About their hopes and their dreams.

The rest of the class stood up one after one, bowed and said some words to his or her person, too. The same short words that said nothing at all. And even if they did, Haruka and Michiru didn't notice them. They didn't even listen to them. They just stood their and watched the different pupils with empty eyes.

Michiru looked up for some seconds and Haruka understood without a word. Carefully she pushed the wheelchair to the two free places near the window and sat down next to the young violinist.

"Okay, and now we want to go on with Shakespeare." The teacher smiled as some pupils groaned but they all opened their books and looked more or less interested at the lines. A girl with long, fire red hair and light blue eyes turned slightly around and observed the new boy in class. Seldom she had seen such a beautiful boy and she decided that he was perfect for her. She smiled to herself because she already imaged herself with him by her side. It was just a matter of time. Up to today she always got what she wanted. Her smile fated slightly as she saw how the boy reached under the table for the hand of the handicapped girl and held it tight. Shortly they exchanged glances that weren't so empty any longer as they had been only minutes before when they were introduced to the class. Then they concentrated on the text, with fingers still entwined.

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They stood in front of the huge blackboard. Different sheets of paper covered the green background.

"The athletics' team?" Michiru rolled next to Haruka and watched her how she wrote her name on one sheet.

"Why not? Otherwise can you imagine me in a club where I should sit calm and quietly and listen to the teacher's voice?"

A smile appeared on Michiru's still pale face. She was a little bit worn-out because of the lessons. It was the first lesson she had taken part at since over two months. Before the accident she had been on vacation with her parents and so she hadn't concentrated on one topic for a long time. And she wasn't used to sit so long without moving around. Her back hurt and often it happened that she simply forgot about her handicapped body and wanted to stand up and to go in front of the class to explain anything in maths or in English. Quickly she remembered her handicap as her legs didn't obey. Fortunately Haruka didn't notice. Michiru didn't want her best friend being more concerned about her than she already was.

"No." She replied and watched how Haruka went over to a page that hang too high for the smaller girl to reach. Without hesitation the young racer wrote down the young violinist's name. Just at the next page she turned around and looked asking at Michiru who just shook her head.

"Drawing is fine. But I don't wanna play the violin in front of audience. Not yet." She said, then she looked away.

"Okay, then our schedule is set. I just don't understand why I should learn French. I am already bad enough in English and Japanese is the hardest foreign language for me of all."

"Don't complain, Ruka. At least you didn't have to take the lessons in cooking I chose for myself."

"You aren't keen on eating what I create." Haruka shrugged her shoulders and put the pen aside. "And I don't want to miss your dinners. What we ate yesterday was delicious."

"Hai, it was pizza from the Italian restaurant in the city. They sent it free house." Said Michiru and made a face but the shinning in her deep blue eyes betrayed her.

"But YOU was the one who put it on the plates. No one can put pizza on a plate like you do." teased Haruka and leaned forward. Carefully she took the young violinist's pale face in her suddenly trembling hands and looked with a now very serious expression on her face down at her.

"Let's go for a walk along the beach. Do me that honour, Michi-chan. We didn't leave the towers after we came here one week ago."

Michiru took a deep breath, then she lowered her look. Her hands grabbed the armrest of the wheelchair so hard that the wrist got white.

"Didn't you forget anything?" she asked with a very quiet voice. "There's all this sand and the stones and I.."

"Don't worry about that." Answered Haruka and forced her best friend to look back into her dark green eyes. "Do you remember, Michi-chan, when you told me two years ago that we could handle every situation if we just wanted to?"

The young violinist remembered too well her Haruka being very desperate at their last evening after her father found out about them. It was the first time that Michiru saw the strong racer cry. She comforted her all evening until Haruka's father came and took her away from her.

We didn't have the chance to talk again during the following two years.

"Michi-chan?"

All I ever wanted was to be together with her. And now I am together with her and I am still sad. That's so crazy.

She smiled a sad smile and touched Haruka's hands gently. Her back hurt even more and she was sure that her weak, useless legs would join it soon but she couldn't say no when Haruka called her with that pleading voice. She could look like a puppy with her green eyes and she knew it.

All I ever wanted was to be a partner for Ruka. A partner, not a burden...

"Hai. But afterwards you'll repair this vehicle."

"Don't worry, I repaired my Suzuki several times and once I've touched your race car it will be so fast that no one can overcome you again." Haruka took the handlebars of the wheelchair and turned it around and around until Michiru started to giggle.

"Stop it or I'll throw up my lunch." She giggled and tried to reach for Haruka's arms. She laid her head in her neck and looked up in the racer's wolfish grinning face.

"Better you do so. The school meals weren't very delicious." Replied Haruka and raced with her across the school tower's entrance hall. "And now we see Kaioh Michiru how she beats all her opponents. Soon she will cross the finish line and then she'll we have proven that she's not only the most beautiful girl, but also the fastest and the..."

"Ruka! Watch out!" Michiru stopped to giggle and they both almost crashed into the group of girls leaving the elevator.

"Oops." A girl with shoulder long, blond almost white hair and glasses jumped aside while another one with the same hairstyle but green hair just looked surprised at the two fellows.

"Gomen." Said the two racers with one excusing voice.

"You are the new pupils?" asked the first girl and bowed. "I am Ochi Rumiko and that's my younger sister Tarô. It's nice to meet you." They bowed to each other and Haruka and Michiru introduced themselves again.

"I heard you draw very well. I can't wait to see one of your drawings in origin. They wrote a lot in the newspapers during the past years. I am in the drawing's club, too." Said Rumiko and smiled friendly at the girl down in the wheelchair.

"Are you a couple?" It burst out of Tarô and she blushed deeply as she saw her older sister's warning looks.

"Gomen, but my sister doesn't know how to behave. Tarô! What have I told you?"

"Don't ask too much, I know. But then I'll stay stupid. And do you want a stupid sister?"

"You devil!"

"You jerk!"

"You idiot!"

"You baka!"

The sister's argument was interrupted as the elevator's door opened again and a girl with long, fire red hair came out. She wore her hair open and her look was determined.

"Are you arguing again? You're a dishonour for Mugen Gakkuen!" she snapped at the girls who bowed automatically in front of her.

"Gomen. But she's such a baka!"

"Gomen. But she's such a baby!"

"Ah, and you're the new ones." The girl looked critically at Michiru but her expression changed into something softer as she watched Haruka from top to the toes.

"That's Okuda Ayako." Introduced Rumiko the girl to the others. Michiru tried to bow in her wheelchair while Haruka just frowned. She didn't know why but she didn't like that girl. She could slightly remember her standing up to introduce herself this morning but she didn't listen. Really listen.

"You don't sit for long in this chair, d'ya?" asked Ayako and couldn't hold back a satisfied smile as the smaller girl became paler.

Maybe she thinks she's something special just because she has his attention. But she is just a little, handicapped girl who misuses her power she has over him. The power of sympathy. But she doesn't deserve him. And I'll make that clear to her. Up to the next school year he'll be mine. That's for sure!

"O, I didn't notice. Was it an accident? My nephew has to sit in a wheelchair, too, after he fell off a horse." Said Takô who talked a lot when the day was long. "Did you suffer for a long time? Well, now you're on Mugen Gakkuen and surely you will be very happy here."

"Hai, because the whole building is build for people like you, too. Because Dr. Tomoe's daughter is such a bloody cripple, too."

"Ayako! Tarô! That's enough! Don't you feel ashamed of yourselves?" Rumiko stepped protectively between the new pupils and her friends.

"Arigato, Rumiko. It's okay." Michiru raised her head and looked into dark green eyes and shook slightly her head. She didn't want troubles at the new school. Surely not all pupils had that bad opinion. She saw how Haruka took a deep breath and slowly opened her fists. She raised her hand and stroke some strands of sea green hair on her best friend's small back.

"Let's go, Michi-chan." She whispered and took the wheelchair's handlebars. They didn't look at the three girls again as they left the entrance hall.

"Go?" whispered Ayako and raised one eyebrow but the two didn't hear her. And if they did they didn't react.

"How could you dare?" Rumiko yelled at her friends and saw shocked the satisfied expression on Ayako's face. The red haired girl stepped giggling back in the elevator and waved toward the others. But only Tarô followed her. Rumiko stood alone in the hall for a while and couldn't believe the last words she heard before the door closed.

"Soon he will recognize that she's nothing but a bloody cripple!"

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_Cripple._

_Bloody cripple._

Michiru laid awake in her bed. She couldn't find any sleep and she knew she didn't want it anymore. Not when nightmares would be haunting her.

What had begun as a wonderful afternoon ended in a disaster. She almost fell out of the wheelchair when one wheel got caught in the sand. Desperately she tried to reach for a mussel but couldn't get it. And after Haruka hat picked it up for her she didn't want it anymore. She threw it into the waves of the ocean and regretted it immediately. It made her so sad when she looked out to the sea and knew that the days when she swam out there like a fish were gone. Forever gone.

Then their dinner burned in the oven because she didn't have to power to open the heavy oven door and Haruka was under the shower and couldn't hear her yells. When she tried to set the table she broke two plates and knocked over her mug and the hot tea ruined her new uniform's green skirt. She wanted to wash it but she just couldn't reach the soap Haruka had put on a higher level of the cupboard without thinking. After she cleaned the cloth she decided to take a bath. Of course she never used the chair before to get into the tube and with a awkward motion she lost balance and fell into the water. Well, she couldn't have drown in the light water but she splashed the bathroom and then she actually didn't get out of that silly tube again. It was only possible with Haruka's help.

She went, well, she rolled directly into her bedroom and let Haruka watch the film they both had wanted to watch all afternoon. She didn't want to see it anymore. She simply felt ashamed. Not that Haruka had seen her naked. That was okay. She had nothing Haruka didn't have, too. Michiru simply felt ashamed because her best friend had seen her so helpless. So weak.

The young violinist switched on her CD player and pulled the headphone over her ears. She didn't want to hear anything more from the cruel world. Silently she listened to the soft woman's voice. Her father gave her this CD to her last birthday and she loved it. The songs were full of love but also full of despair. She chose a very slow, very sad song and heard it again and again while she stared at the ceiling of her bedroom and wondered if it had been such a good idea to come to Mugen Gakkuen. Sure it was her lifeline. She needed a goal after those terrible weeks in hospital. All she wanted was to escape the pitying looks of the nurses and the doctors who declared her that there was no hope for her handicap to be cursed.

Bloody cripple.

Michiru reached for the remote control and the music got louder in her ears. She didn't want to hear the girl's voice anymore.

_And I don't want to cry anymore!_

The young violinist pushed her icy hands on her burning eyes and took a shaky breath. She didn't want to think about the next time she had to go to the toilette. Now she couldn't simply leave the bed and walk over to the huge bathroom. Now she had to climb somehow into that damn wheelchair, get right through the door and somehow get on this bloody toilette without falling on the ground.

I won't wake Haruka up for such a normal thing.

But now for her it wasn't normal anymore. It was also very hard for her to get dressed in the morning and to get ready for bed in the evening. She didn't want to be dressed like a baby, although Haruka would have helped her if she'd asked.

She always wants to help me. But I don't need her help. I don't need her sympathy. I don't need...

Michiru shook her head and sighed deeply.

The doctor told her every appointment that took place twice a week that she would learn it. She had to learn so many things from the beginning as if she was just a five year old girl. The accident was just two and a half months ago and it needed time.

_Time! Time won't solve any problems!_

Michiru tried hard to behave as normal as possible. As she used to be before that bad accident. But deep inside she was desperate and broken. She didn't show it – not even Haruka. She didn't want to concern her best friend and she didn't need the sympathy of any pupil in her class.

I have to handle it. As I have handled so many complicate situations in my life before.

Michiru turned her head toward the open window and watched the cold wind playing with the curtains. The young violinist laid on her blanket and her breath froze in front of her face. Her body shivered and she was cold but she didn't care about it.

But this is the most complicate situation of all. Well, at least Haruka seems to understand me a little bit. Without her I wouldn't be sure what to do. Without her I wouldn't know how to carry on with all this.

She had thought that going to Mugen Gakkuen would solve some of her problems. Here she would have a new home and new teachers. And new fellow students. But actually nothing changed. She used to be the rich brat in her normal school. The spoiled child of the famous piano player.

_Now I am just a bloody cripple. What a career!_

Michiru turned on her side in the bed and kept staring out of the window. But the sky was cloudy and she didn't see any stars nor the moon. Suddenly she felt very alone.

The violinist tried to roll herself up in a ball like she used to do when she felt so sad. But today she suppressed a sob as her hurting body refused this motion.

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She left her shower as she heard the ringing of the door bell. Ayako frowned and covered her body with her bathrobe. Who could this be? She didn't expect any guests, especially not at that late hour when she had to write an English test the next day.

"Just one moment." She called and corrected her still wet hair quickly in the corridor mirror. Then she opened the door and froze as she saw the shadow standing outside. Dark green eyes shone angrily at her but the rest of the pale face was calm and without any expression.

"Haruka?" asked the girl surprised and stepped back to let the boy in. Shortly she observed the black tracksuit he was wearing and the messed blonde hair. It seemed as if he had already slept for a couple of hours.

_He's so be beautiful!_

"Don't you want to come in?" asked Ayako and raised an eyebrow as the boy simply shook his head. Then she saw his clenched fists and that he breathed hard as if he had run all the way to her door.

"If you ever call her a cripple again, you'll regret it." Said Haruka with a calm but dangerous quiet voice. She didn't want to think of the fragile shadow lying on the huge bed listening to one sad song. Again and again. Of course she heard the silent sobbing as she watched the movie without really seeing it. It hurt her so much to see her Michi-chan in pain not knowing what to do. Of course everything went wrong this evening but the young racer was sure that it wasn't only destiny's fault. Since that so selfish grinning girl said those cruel words the young violinist wasn't the same. After those words she looked sadder, more desperate. Really lost.

_And I can't help her!_

"You come at midnight to tell me such a silly thing? We'll write a test tomorrow, don't you remember? You should be at bed sleeping deep and tight. After all she shouldn't be so weak! I won't be the last one calling her this way. Our world is a cruel one, sweetheart." She grinned again at Haruka and the racer stepped toward her until only a few inches separated them.

"But you'll be the first one stop talking to her in that way! She went through enough pain. I won't let you hurt her in that way again!"

"Are you threatening me?" Ayako managed to giggle although she was afraid of that angry expression on the boy's face.

He's only a boy after all...

"No, I just made my point clear." Haruka turned around and didn't care about the still surprised looks that followed her.

"She's your girlfriend, isn't she?" yelled Ayako suddenly after her and didn't care to wake up the neighbourhood. "But she isn't good enough for you! She sits in a wheelchair but you want to be in motion. I see it in your eyes. You're unsteady. You like to run and to drive your bike. After all you're the Junior Champion. She's just a burden for you!"

Haruka clenched her fists and stepped into the elevator. The high voice died away as the door closed and Haruka knew that she would beat this silly girl down the next time she opened her big mouth again.

The young racer sighed and leaned herself against the wall.

Michi-chan isn't just my girlfriend. She's all I've got.

Haruka yawned and ran a hand through her messed blond hair.

She's all I need.

dbdbdb

She awoke from her light sleep as the music stopped. Someone laid down on the bed next to her, took the headphone away and covered her shivering body with the soft blanket.

"Ruka?" whispered Michiru with her voice full of sleep and tried to turn around. She groaned as her back started to hurt again and she simply wasn't able to move. Panic filled her but it disappeared as two warm hands started to massage her hurting shoulders. They loosed her tensed up muscles and reduced the pain in her body. Michiru shivered again but not because of the cold that filled the room. Slowly her body relaxed and she closed her eyes. The strong hands slowly stopped the massage and slipped under the top of her deep blue pyjama. Tenderly they caressed the skin of her back, took away the nightmares, dispelled all her sorrows even if it was just for some hours.

"Feeling better now?" heard Michiru her racer whisper and she felt the warm body beside her.

"Hai." Replied the young violinist and suddenly the loneliness she had felt only some minutes ago disappeared. She felt how Haruka took her in her strong arms and held her tight. With an almost happy sigh she leaned her head against the shoulder and smelled the perfume Haruka used.

Here she felt save and secure. Here no one could harm her. Here was where she belonged.

"Shall I stay for the rest of the night?" asked the young racer and buried her face in the velvet sea green hair. She could feel how Michiru returned her embrace and nodded against her dark pyjama.

For a long time Haruka laid there and listened to her best friend's regular breaths. Soon Michiru relaxed in her arms and settled into a deep, peaceful sleep. In the light from the moon that broke through the dark clouds Haruka could see a relaxed expression on the now redden face. Michiru's lips were slightly curved in an honest smile.

I love you.

"Good night, Michi-chan." She said instead out loud although she knew that the smaller girl couldn't hear her. Haruka corrected the blankets and made sure that Michiru wouldn't be cold anymore.

I can't heal your body. And I can't help you to accept your fate.

The young racer laid her head back on the soft pillow and closed her tired eyes. The warm body next to her was calming and made her forget about her own, private nightmares.

All I can do is to be there for you.

Haruka squeezed Michiru gently then she followed her slowly into sleep.

_Hope that's enough._


	3. Chapter 2: Silent winter's nights

**Chapter two: Silent winter's nights**

At the beginning of December it started to snow and it didn't stop. Soon nature and even the big city were covered under a thick, white blanket. The air got very cold and the ground very slippery.

"What the hell do you want in the city at a lousy day like this one?" asked Haruka as she slipped over the icy pavement. Michiru next to her had a very concentrated expression on her face as she tried to steer the wheelchair through the snow. More than once she lost control and more than once Haruka held her back so that she couldn't slip on the street where a lot of cars were passing by. For the young racer they were all too fast for the icy asphalt.

"You know that this month's special." Declared Michiru and grabbed the wheels as she lost control again. She wore a thick robe and the scarf hid almost all of her face while a dark cap protected her hair from the snow that was falling down very quickly now. It barred their views and suddenly Michiru wondered why she'd left the warmth of their apartment. She felt hot under her robe but at the same time her legs were almost stiff from the bitter cold. She shivered but concentrated again on the wheelchair. The streets weren't made for people like her and often Haruka had to help her to leave the pavement, cross the street and got on to the next pavement.

"And you know my opinion about Christmas." Declared Haruka silently and shook her head. They had discussed that issue for several hours without getting a result. Michiru wanted to celebrate the festival of love while Haruka rather wanted to forget about it.

The young violinist was intelligent enough to overhear her best friend's mumbled words.

"Actually I wanted to go in this department store." She pointed at a huge building but her smile faltered as she saw the three steps in front of the entrance door. "But..." she whispered and wanted to turn the wheelchair around as Haruka held her back.

"Hey, don't run away. You wanted to go shopping? Now we're here and you even have me as a victim to carry all your bags. Like a real gentleman." Haruka was relieved as she saw the little smile return to her best friend's pale face as she bowed. Then she went into the department store and came back with a boy that seemed to belong to the service staff. While Haruka carried her Michiru into the warm building the boy pushed the wheelchair into the department store.

"Arigato." Said Haruka and sat the young violinist down again.

She became so slim. How much weight has she lost since the accident?

"Let's separate. I want to buy something you shouldn't see. And otherwise you don't wanna watch me buying boring clothes now, do you?"

Haruka smiled as Michiru disappeared between the people in the department store. Slowly she walked through the shelves and looked at several books. A girl with shoulder long blue hair held a very thick one in her hands. She looked up and smiled at her. Haruka automatically smiled back.

"This is a very good one." Said the girl then she headed toward the counter and was gone after she paid. One hour passed when Haruka started looking after her Michiru. Surely she had already bought what she wanted and now it was time to return. It was already dark outside and the storm even increased. Haruka wanted to be at Mugen Gakkuen before the snow covered the street completely.

After ten minutes the young racer got worried and she wanted to go to the information as she saw the figure sitting in the shadows near the entrance door. Michiru had lowered her head and stared with empty eyes into nothing. Her robe was dirty and she held her head with her trembling hands.

"Everything okay?" asked Haruka alarmed and went on her knees next to the wheelchair to take a look into her best friend's now expressionless pale face.

"Sure. One kid called me a cripple and splashed me with his cola. An old woman argued with me that I stood in her way. I didn't get quickly enough out of it. And a young woman with a baby in her arms almost fell over me but it wasn't her fault. I am so tiny now that she couldn't see me!" said Michiru with a quiet, insensible voice. "Actually I have to go to the toilette, but this wonderful chair doesn't fit through the door and the service woman there couldn't help me. Maybe they have parking space for handicapped people out there, but they don't have one single toilette for me. And after all this department store is a trap! I am not even able to leave it when I want to." She raised her hand and pointed at the three steps.

There were no bags. Michiru obviously didn't find what she wanted. Or she simply didn't have the time to. Haruka took a deep breath, then she caressed sea green hair.

"Let's return to Mugen Gakkuen." she said and made a mental note never to visit this store again. Michiru didn't reply anything. She simply nodded and buried her face in Haruka's shoulder as she carried her downstairs out to the cold, cruel world.

dbdbdb

Haruka opened the door and looked surprised at the man who was holding a fir. The green branches almost touched the ground and the tree was as high as the young racer.

"Michiru?" Haruka turned around to look into her best friend's innocent smiling face. "What the hell is that?" The taller girl pointed at the man from the delivery service and at the tree.

"It's our Christmas tree." Answered the young violinist and looked with that pleading expression up to her best friend. She rolled next to her and took the money out of her pockets to pay the man.

"I told you, no music, no mistle toes and especially no trees!" Haruka crossed her arms before her chests and her green eyes were cold as the man put the tree in the middle of the living-room. With a short bow he took the money and left.

"Don't be such a spoilsport!" declared Michiru and rolled over to the cupboard where the tree jewellery was. It was only white and silver and a lot of real candles. Haruka wondered if she really wanted to light them. Maybe it looked romantic but it was also very dangerous.

"I am not a spoilsport. I simply don't like this crazy behaviour of people at a time like this. It's just a method of advertising, of getting people to waste their money, nothing more! They just want people to buy more of their crap!" Answered Haruka and went over to the kitchen. She didn't want to look in the oven. Today was Christmas Eve and of course Michiru made a special dinner. It smelled delicious and if Haruka had been honest to herself she would have admitted that she couldn't wait to taste it.

"You're not serious!" she heard Michiru's disappointed voice and sighed slightly. She opened the fridge but suddenly she had forgotten what she wanted.

"I am, Michiru!" she came back and looked critically at the Christmas tree. It wasn't set up and it was surely too high for the handicapped girl to reach the crown. However, Haruka was too angry to care about it. She told Michiru over the last four weeks over and over again that she didn't want to celebrate Christmas. The smaller girl seemed to understand. And now she bought that silly tree!

_Why can't she respect my feelings?_

Haruka clenched her fists and reached for her jacket that was spread over the white couch near the huge windows.

"But it would be fun. It was always fun to celebrate Christmas with my parents." whispered the young violinist with a small voice and watched her best friend getting dressed for the snowy day outside.

"Your parents are dead! Accept it!" snapped Haruka and looked straight at her boots.

As dead as my mother.

"Better I'll go for a walk." She declared and almost ran out of the apartment. She wasn't in the mood to argue with Michiru. She knew she would loose control when they talked about that topic. And she didn't want to hurt Michiru more than she already did.

"Hai..." The young violinist took a silver shinning ball in her trembling hands and could see her sad face reflected in it. "They're dead." She said with a cold voice and rolled over to the huge Christmas tree. It was too heavy for her to set it up. She knew it. And it was too high to decorate it perfectly.

"They are dead." Suddenly she yelled at the closed door and threw the ball at it. The silver cracked and splinters fell upon the carpet. Michiru couldn't held back a sob. She lowered her head and clenched her fists around the armrests of the wheelchair she was trapped in. Even if she wanted she couldn't chase Haruka anymore. The young racer had been too fast two years ago but now she couldn't even reach her if Haruka was only walking in a normal tempo.

Cripple.

Michiru swallowed hard and didn't want to think of the gift that was hidden under her bed.

Maybe she doesn't want it.

"They are dead. But I am still alive..." It was not more than a shaky whisper.

dbdbdb

We wish you a marry Christmas and a happy new year. We wish...

Haruka rolled her eyes as she heard the music that filled the air in Tokyo's inner city. She slipped over the icy pavement and cursed herself for being so rude to Michiru. She didn't want to behave so silly, but her hot temper controlled her words too often. More than once she had said hurtful things to the smaller girl during the past few weeks. Things she regretted some minutes later when she thought about it.

Silent night...

Haruka stopped in front of a huge shop window and looked at the little angels and the small Santa Clauses. Of course she bought a gift and secretly she was happy to see Michiru being interested in more than her English, French or maths books. All that seemed to be left for the young violinist was her schoolwork. She learned hard and got good marks. However, she hardly left the school towers. After the short trip to the inner city of Tokyo Michiru didn't want to go out anymore. Rumiko once told Haruka that the smaller girl was very good in drawing, but Michiru only drew during her art lessons. The pictures looked different from the ones she used to draw two years ago when they first met. After school Michiru only left the apartment for her weekly appointments at the doctor. The rest of the time she sat in her wheelchair in her bedroom and learned. Or she simply looked out of the window with her headphones over her ears. She only listened to one song.

_Only one sad song for over six weeks now!_

Haruka clenched her fists and shook her head. Slowly Michiru's behaviour changed when Christmas came. She took part in different courses at school where they made cookies and tree jewellery. Rumiko said that she smiled more and looked happier in those lessons and suddenly her drawing changed a little bit. She drew white forests and a picture of one Santa Clause was even chosen for the school calendar next year because he looked so real. Michiru took away the CD with the sad song and bought a CD with Christmas music last week when she went into a shop after her visit in the hospital.

And I fool switched off the CD player each time she wanted to listen to it.

Haruka took a deep breath and stepped back. Snow fell down and soon her cap and her thick black robe covered in white.

I am dreaming of a white Christmas...

_Hai, Michiru was dreaming of such a Christmas. It was the first Christmas without her parents._

_And you remembered her that they're dead. You baka!_

But I hate this festival! It took much from me! It changed my life forever. It made it to a hell I couldn't escape for almost ten years...

Haruka put her head in the neck and looked up to the cloudy sky. People hurried by but she didn't really notice them. Today was Christmas Eve and the last people were searching for the perfect or simply for the cheapest gift that looked a lot more expensive.

Hark! The Herald angels sing. Glory to...

_Today's the festival of love. And Michi-chan wanted to celebrate it with _me

Haruka watched her breath forming little clouds in the air. Soon it got darker and although it was just late dusk came. It was a dark, cool season and she started to hate it when she was five years old.

_But for Michi-chan I can try to forget this hate_.

The young racer looked back into the shop window and automatically started to grin as something caught her eyes. Something really cute she simply couldn't leave there.

Michi-chan went through so much pain. It's not fair from me hurting her with my silly behaviour. It isn't her fault that my mother died at Christmas Eve ten years ago.

The girl opened her fists and took the cap from her slightly wet blonde hair as she entered the shop.

I am just a poor boy, too...

dbdbdb

The bag was very big and she almost stumbled over the gift that laid in front of their apartment's door. Haruka swore quietly and bowed to pick it up. She heard some giggling and turned around. She saw the shadows of several girls turning around the corner toward the elevator.

Silly brats!

Haruka looked at the gift for some seconds and opened the letter under the loop. "Merry Christmas, Haruka. Your Ayako." She read aloud and frowned. This gift, whatever it was, it was only for her. Not for her and Michiru. But that didn't surprise the young racer. Ayako had a crash on her although Haruka simply ignored her.

_It looks as if she won't give up that fast._

Haruka sighed and shook her head. Ayako didn't dare to laugh over Michiru in her presence but some gestures could hurt more than every rude word. Ayako behaved as if Michiru was only air or a burden for the entire class. She didn't care about the wheelchair and more than once the young violinist had to ask for help when Ayako put her school bag in her way. Some girls joined her club, as Haruka called the silly brats, but there were other girls who liked Michiru. Rumiko, for example. Soon she became a very good friend and she tried to defend Michiru when Haruka wasn't around.

_Some day Ayako will pay for her behaviour!_

Haruka sighed, then she opened the door. Today was Christmas Eve and she didn't want to ruin it because of some stupid girls going on her nerves.

_If I didn't already ruin it by myself!_

Something cracked as Haruka walked over to her bedroom. She looked down and saw that she just walked over a broken silver ball. The young racer frowned and took the bag into her bedroom. Then she hung her wet jacket in the bathroom and threw the still wrapped present into the dustbin without looking at it again.

"Michi-chan?" she hesitated but then she entered the living-room. The tree leaned against the armchair where the man from the delivery service had left it. More silver splinters covered the soft carpet. The roast was still in the oven and it smelled even more delicious than Haruka could remember. Suddenly the young racer felt guilty.

_She did so much for this festival and I was just shouting at her._

"Michi-chan?" she entered the young violinist's bedroom and could see the figure sitting in her wheelchair looking out of the window. She had her headphone on, but it was Christmas music she listened to, not the sad song as Haruka recognized relieved. The young violinist moved her lips to the music and her look was sad as she stared out to the sea. Sad and yearning.

Haruka put her arms around her shoulders and pulled her closer. She leaned over the smaller girl and looked directly into those blue eyes she loved so much. Michiru winced surprised, then a smile appeared on her pale face as she saw the guilty expression on her best friend's face.

"You're right in time, Ruka. Dinner's almost ready." She declared and pulled the headphones from her ears. Silent music filled the air.

One small child in a land of a thousand, one small dream of a Saviour tonight, one small hand reaching out to the star light...

"Gomen, Michi-chan. I didn't want to yell at you." Whispered Haruka and pressed her cheek against Michiru's one and squeezed the smaller girl gently in her arms.

"No problem, my wild racer." Replied Michiru in the same quiet voice and raised her hand to caress short blonde hair. She liked that feeling of having her Ruka near. She knew that she was the only one Haruka had ever asked for excuse. And she knew that she was the only one who saw the young racer the way she actually was. At school she was detached, cold and unreachable. But with her she was a complete different person. She could be understanding, comforting. Loving. She listened to her problems, dispelled her fears.

_She's with me in my darkest hours._

Michiru closed her eyes and enjoyed the other girl's gentle embrace.

_Please, don't ever let me go!_

"Michi-chan?" she heard the giggle in the low voice and as she opened her eyes again she saw the grinning face above.

"Hai?" she simply returned the smile and leaned her head against Haruka's chest.

"Where do you want the Christmas tree to be?"

dbdbdb

"Don't make it so exciting!" Michiru rolled next to the sparkling Christmas tree. Haruka helped her to decorate it and the candles were now lightened and illuminated the room in a dimmed light. In a romantic atmosphere. They enjoyed the dinner Michiru made and Haruka said more than once that it was the best Christmas roast she'd ever eaten. Normally the gifts were given on Christmas Day and not now but they simply couldn't wait.

"Close your eyes!" shouted Haruka from her bedroom and Michiru could hear her swearing as something tumbled loudly onto the ground.

"Do you need any help?" asked the young violinist and wanted to roll over to the door as Haruka's head appeared in the frame.

"Are your eyes closed?"

"Hai!" Michiru took a deep breath and did as she was told. But a happy smile was on her now redden face. For the first time after her accident she looked healthy again. And happy...

Haruka stayed for some moments motionless in front of the smaller girl. Her sea green hair fell over her shoulders and she looked beautiful in the blue dress she was wearing. The candlelight surrounded her and suddenly she looked like an angel.

_My angel..._

Haruka leaned forward and gave Michiru a light kiss on the nose.

"You can open your eyes again, Michi-chan." She whispered and went on her knees next to the wheelchair. Michiru blinked and looked surprised at the huge easel that stood now in the middle of the living-room. It was not very high so that she could reach the top while sitting in the wheelchair. But it was very wide. Perfect for a drawing of a landscape. Several paintbrushes and colours stood around on the ground. The young violinist rolled toward the easel and touched quietly the linen.

"I thought you'd like to draw a real picture again. You always complain that the papers are too small in your club and..." Haruka's voice died away and uncertain she came to her feet. Maybe it hadn't been such a great idea. Maybe Michiru didn't want to draw such complicate pictures again. She had been known in the art's world as a young talent with a shinning future. The old artists liked her style and she already had her first exhibition when she had been eleven years old.

_When her parents had been alive..._

Michiru closed her eyes, still touching the easel. She heard the soft violin music the CD player played and slowly a picture evolved in her head. Her lips curved in a smile as she felt the old feeling. The excitement she had always felt whenever she started a new work of art.

_This one is going to be better than all the others before. Because this one will be a part of me. It'll be true._

She opened her eyes again and looked into the asking face of Haruka. She rolled over to her best friend and touched her suddenly icy hands.

"Arigato, Ruka." She whispered and could see the relieved expression on the young racer's pale face.

"But that's not all." Haruka took a large bag from under the Christmas tree and blushed as she took the gift out of it. "Call me a fool, but I couldn't let it stay alone in the huge shop window." She mumbled and ran a uncertain hand through her short blond hair while she watched her best friend unwrapping the gift. Michiru giggled as she saw the big blue toy elephant in her hands. Two big dark eyes looked pleadingly up to her and it seemed to grin at her with its long nose. It felt soft in her hands and the big ears moved as she touched them. Michiru looked from the toy to the young racer and back. Then she giggled even more.

"Perfect, Ruka. It looks just like you. It is as if you gave me a picture of you. Guess I'll call it Ruka-chan. What do you think?"

Haruka blushed even more, then she went on her knees and laid her head in Michiru's lap beside the elephant and looked up with that innocent expression that made her always giggle.

"Then I want to be caressed, too." She demanded and started to purr as Michiru stroked through her short blond hair that soon looked messed. Haruka closed her green eyes and they both enjoyed for the next moments each other's presence.

"My little kitten." Whispered Michiru and giggled as the purring increased. "Don't you want your gift, too?"

"It can't be any better than this." Answered Haruka and looked dreamingly up to her. Then she smiled and nodded. "What is it?" she asked curiously and crept back. Michiru put the elephant in her arms and rolled over the Christmas tree.

"It's nothing special. But I made it during..." she reached under the tree and frowned as she didn't reach it. "I..." she leaned forward but her fingers couldn't touch it. She stretched her arm a little bit more and with a scream she lost balance. She seized on the wheelchair but it tipped over. Michiru landed hard on the carpet and the wheelchair hit her weak, useless legs. The young violinist wanted to stand up, wanted to kick at that bloody vehicle and then run away. But she simply couldn't move. Her bloody legs didn't obey and so she laid helplessly under the tree. She grabbed the gift with her trembling right hand while she beat the carpet with the left one.

"Shit!" she swore and suddenly tears were filling her eyes.

Haruka was by her side at the next moment and put the heavy wheelchair aside.

"Everything okay?" she asked and took her into her strong arms. Michiru nodded, but tears shimmered in her deep blue eyes. She raised her arm with the gift and the paper was now ripped. Haruka could see something black with a dark blue picture on it.

"A pullover?" she asked surprised, but Michiru just put the gift under the tree again.

"That's all I am able to do now. To knit a lousy pullover." She whispered and wanted to escape from Haruka's embrace, but the taller girl only held her tighter.

"You're able to do so much, Michi-chan. I've hated Christmas since my mother died at Christmas Eve ten years ago. She simply went away and left me behind. Alone with my strict father who never wanted me the way I am." Declared Haruka and saw her pale face reflected in the sparkling tears. "But with you it's the best festival I've ever celebrated. You taught me again what Christmas means. It's the festival of love and for the first time after ten years I am not alone anymore. 'Cause I've got you." Haruka leaned forward and their lips met for a few seconds. It was a light, but very tender touch. Michiru's eyes grew wide. Then she put her arms around the taller girl's neck and pulled her closer.

"Ruka..." whispered the young violinist and saw the love that shone in dark green eyes. It was such an intensive look she had never seen on that normally tomboyish face before.

"Michi-chan..." was all Haruka could reply before her voice broke. Then they kissed again. The kiss expressed all their feelings for each other. All their longing, all their love. It lasted for a long time.

They had kissed before. Two years ago they shared a light kiss. But it had been a complete different feeling. They both had been very young. Thirteen and twelve years old, almost children. It had been more a curious, friendly kiss between two girls who liked each other a lot.

Now it was something different. Now they were older. They faced hell, went through it together. Now that kiss felt no longer like a child's kiss. Now it felt like a lover's kiss. Deep and full of love.

After the kiss ended slowly they looked each other deep into the eyes. Michiru leaned her head against Haruka's shoulder and Haruka buried her face in the velvet sea green hair. They held each other tight for the rest of the evening and didn't want the other ever to let go.

Soft twilight filled the room and the candlelight created a romantic atmosphere. Sweet music hung in the air and it didn't stop all evening.

I wish it could be Christmas every day...

A blue toy elephant laid on the soft carpet. Its big dark eyes watched the couple under the Christmas tree. Holding each other tight. In loving silence.

The long nose of the toy elephant looked as if it grinned happily.


	4. Chapter 3: A long time

**Chapter three: A long time**

"I've heard you're the fastest boy in your class?" asked a boy and stepped in Haruka's way. He was one head taller than her and two years older. He was the Champion of Mugen Gakkuen and now he felt threatened by the younger boy with the short blond hair who has become very popular with the girls during the last weeks. The other members of the athletics club told him that the new boy didn't train much. When they practised the high jump he simply took his walkman and jogged through the big hall until it was his turn to jump. He simply jumped and beat them all without any effort. Although he was detached and hardly spoke to anyone he was very popular with the girls inside and outside the team, and even a lot of boys thought highly of him.

"I am Itô Tsukasa and I am Mugen Gakkuen's fastest boy."

The smaller boy only raised on eyebrow and looked silently up at him. Then he shrugged his shoulders and wanted to turn away. But Tsukasa grabbed his right arm and held him back.

"I am Mugen Gakkuen's fasted sprinter and you will never be able to beat me!" he declared so loud that some pupils looked at them curiously.

"That's nice for you:" answered Haruka and pulled herself free. "Congratulations to your talent." She hang her bag over her shoulder and went away, slightly shaking her head.

She left a very angry Tsukasa behind.

Silently she entered the sport hall. Her lessons took place in the afternoon after lunch, so she always came already dressed in her dark tracksuit. Not that she had to hide her sex. It was alike to her if the others thought of her as a girl or a boy. She simply didn't want anyone to see the scars that covered her back. Michiru always told her that they weren't visible anymore, but Haruka still felt each one.

Haruka winced as the pain returned to her belly, but she didn't care about it. She took her walkman tightly in her hands and started to run as another lesson of the sport's team begun. They played basket ball and everyone wanted her to be in his team. She beat them all, of course, she threw most of the baskets. However, the teacher wasn't satisfied with her, because it was a team's game and not a single competition only for her own. So she finished playing after the second try, then she took her walkman and ran. As she always did when the others didn't want her.

"You look tired." Michiru smiled up to her as she picked her up from the drawing's club later that afternoon. Today they drew a rose and the teacher was very proud of her pupils, especially of Michiru.

"The rose looked so real, I almost wanted to smell at it." Laughed Rumiko and winked goodbye as she run to the door. Since New Year she had a boyfriend and could hardly wait until the lessons were over to see him again. "Bye!"

"Bye." Replied Michiru and frowned as she felt how Haruka walked slower than normal. "Your time of the month?" she asked and saw how the young racer got pale.

"Hope not." She mumbled then her face brightened up. "What do you think about a romantic dinner at that Italian restaurant we discovered last week?"

Michiru felt that Haruka simply wanted to change the topic, but she smiled back at her while she rolled into the elevator.

"I'd like to eat there."

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Snow covered the trees' branches, bend them under its weight. The meadows and the usually sandy ways in the park looked like silver. The Italian restaurant was not far away from their school, so that they decided to go for a walk before. It was peaceful at the park, some birds that hadn't escaped the bitter cold in autumn sang and the sea's calming rushes filled the air.

"I like it here." whispered Michiru and cursed under her breath as one wheel of her hated wheelchair slipped over the icy underground. Haruka was by her side immediately and held it automatically.

"Hai, it's so calm here." Replied the young racer and took her sunglasses out of her jacket to put them on. The snow could be very bright and she didn't want to stumble blindly through the park. Not when Michiru was obviously struggling for hold.

"You baka! Look what you've done!" They heard the angry voice before they saw the two girls chasing each other.

"You don't deserve it better!"

"But it was my best jacket. Now it's wet and surely ruined for all times!"

"Baka!"

Before they could react two girls crashed into them. Haruka let go of the wheelchair and fell into the snow as a girl with long black hair pulled her with her. The other girl wasn't so lucky. She stumbled over a hidden stone and landed hard on the wheelchair. Michiru gasped and automatically grabbed girl's rowing arms so that she couldn't hurt herself anymore as she almost slipped from her lap and hit the icy pathway.

"What..." whispered the young violinist and looked in a innocently smiling face that was surrounded by long blond hair. Two plaits jumped between a red cap as the girl came slowly to her feet again.

"Gomen..." She stammered an bowed.

"That's so typical for you!" sighed the other girl theatrical and stood up. She didn't even care about a surprised looking Haruka. She made a snowball and came over to the younger girl and tried to cover her face with the snow. The blond girl screamed and tried to defend herself. They both lost balance and landed in the snow where they kept fighting.

"Baka!"

"Jerk!"  
"Baby!"

"Monster!"

Another girl with long brown hair came running, waving her arms in alarm. She was very tall and looked very strong. Her brown eyes shone angry down at the two girls. Then she took a deep breath.

"Usagi-chan! Rei-chan!" she screamed and crossed her arms before her chest. "Don't you feel ashamed at all?" She turned around and rolled her eyes. "And you Ami-chan! Can't you be a little bit faster? You're as lazy as a turtle!" Another girl with shoulder long blue hair shook her head and gasped hard for breath as she stopped. She held a thick book in her right hand and Haruka frowned. She knew that girl, but she didn't know where from.

"Gomen. Hope they didn't kill you. They simply can't behave!" said the tall girl and bowed deeply before them. Then she tried to get the two fighting girls apart and got involved in the snow battle, as well. Her red face got angrier as the blonde put snow in her collar and soon the three rolled in the now messed snow next to the wheelchair.

"Gomen nasai." The girl with the book blushed ashamed and bowed even more deeply than her friend. Then she stretched her hand out to the girl who was sitting in the wheelchair. "I am Mizuno Ami. I am glad to met you." Uncertainly she looked back at the still fighting friends. "Hope you are glad to met us, too. Don't be afraid. They aren't always that way. Well, at least not the all the time."

At that moment Michiru burst out into laughter.

Haruka came to her feet again and tried to wipe the snow off her jacket and her trousers. Surprised she looked up as she heard the happy laughter she hadn't heard for over two years.

That's the first time I see her laugh after that terrible accident.

The other three girls stopped their fight and looked up, too, as Michiru simply couldn't stop. Tears ran down her now redden cheeks and she shook her head helplessly.

"That's all your fault!" declared the tall girl angrily at the other two. "Now she's laughing at you!"

"You've deserved it! Look at yourselves. You're over and over covered with snow and Rei looks like a fallen angel with her dark hair." Giggled the girl named Ami. "You're still children and you look so funny."

"Children?" Three angry girls attacked Ami with snowballs and one ball hit the still laughing Michiru. She reached for the high snow beside her on the pathway and joined the snowball battle. She lost her cap and soon her long sea green hair surrounded a happy grinning face. She threw one snowball after another and quickly formed a team with Ami against the other three. Suddenly she forgot about her handicapped body and she and Ami seemed to win the battle.

I can't remember seeing her that happy during the past months. It's been such a long time that she was so happy. So free. So careless.

Haruka stood aside and watched the scene, heard the laughing and screaming of five exited girls. Automatically Ami grabbed the wheelchair's handlebars and the two girls chased after the other three girls in a wide circle. No one seemed to notice that the young violinist was handicapped. For them it seemed to be normal.

She looks so beautiful when she laughs.

Haruka sighed and kept that picture deep in her heart.

I love you so much, Michi-chan.

At that moment a snow ball hit her head and her dark cap landed in the snow behind her. Haruka blinked and looked into the dark haired girl's wolfish grinning face. Haruka grinned back and formed herself a snow ball.

"You'll regret this." She shouted giggling and joined the others in the funny battle.

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"You'll miss your breakfast if you don't hurry up!" Michiru drank the rest of her milk and rolled over to the bathroom door. Not very patiently she knocked. "And then you'll miss our first lesson today. I know you hate French, but it is the future to talk more than one language." Michiru knocked again against the door. "And I have to comb my hairs! I don't want to give..." her voice died away as Haruka finally opened the door. The taller girl was very pale and looked confused.

"What's wrong?" asked the young violinist alarmed and rolled into the huge bathroom. She saw the yellow pyjama Haruka had worn the past nights. And she saw that it was covered with blood.

"Do you have some sanitary towels?"

Startled blue eyes looked up into undefinable green ones.

"How old are you?" asked Michiru as she opened the wardrobe and took out a plastic bag. Haruka blushed and grabbed it. Then she turned around and Michiru could hear her angry whisper before she left the bathroom.

"Certainly not old enough!"

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"You are a bloody witch!"

Michiru looked up from her drawing as she heard the exited voices outside. Haruka was still at her sport's club, so the young violinist had decided to start with the picture she had had in mind since Christmas. Her drawing teacher got ill and so she had the time all afternoon.

"You always wear those dark clothes and with your messed hair you look as ugly as a witch!"

Michiru frowned and put the paintbrush aside. She cleaned her hands with a towel and rolled over to the living-room, but the TV set was out. So was the radio.

"Where do you hide your warts? Come on, talk to me when I am talking to you!"

Now the voices where right in front of their apartment. Michiru rolled over to the door and opened it. Three girls were literally jumping around a smaller one. Michiru recognized Ayako and she pressed her lips together.

"Hey! D'ya listen to me?" Ayako pushed the small girl and she stumbled. Some books escaped her arms and fell on the ground. The girl didn't look up as she went on her knees and tried to collect them. But another girl from Ayako's club took one of the books away and danced around the still kneeling girl. Shoulder long dark hair surrounded a pale face and her thin body was covered with a black dress. The small girl looked really sad and alone.

Like me...

"Stop it!" Michiru rolled out of their apartment and over to the girl. The small girl tried to catch the book but she wasn't fast enough. Suddenly she hold her fists up to her chest and went on her knees again. She gasped hard for breath and blood ran out of the corners of her mouth. It dirtied her dress.

"My goodess..." whispered the young violinist and rolled protectively before the small girl. She was about seven or eight years old and her whole body started to tremble. She whimpered, but her hair covered her face as she looked down at the ground so that Michru couldn't see her expression. However, she knew that the girl was crying silently.

"Stop it! Immediately!" she demanded and looked determinedly into Ayako's mocking eyes. "Can't you see that she's bleeding?"

"Oh, that's Dr. Tomoe's daughter. She's such a bloody cripple like you, too. She's always bleeding when she's exited. That doesn't matter. It will stop when she calms down." Declared Ayako carelessly and shrugged her shoulders.

"And she's a witch. She has secret powers, I know it. And how she looks at other girls. Her look isn't normal. It's so cold as if she was from another world." Said another girl and threw the book down on the ground next to the still bleeding girl. With a loud thumb it landed on the hard tiles, but the small girl didn't react. All she did was to gasped hard for breath. Only slightly did she wince back as she heard the loud sound.

"Everyone who knows you better must be a witch for you. 'Cause who will ever look at you with a warm look? Guess even your parents don't love you!" Michiru spread her arms protectively as one of Ayako's girls stepped nearer.

_They won't hurt her again!_

"Don't you dare to talk about my parents, you bitch!" the girl bowed and before Michiru could react she had slapped her right into her face. It hurt, but the young violinist didn't even notice it. She only grabbed the wheels of her wheelchair and rammed the vehicle right into the girl. The girl's eyes grew wide with surprise and she went on her knees with a groan.

"You shouldn't have done this!" screamed Ayako and raised her right hand. She held a knife in it. But Michiru wasn't very frightened. No, she was angry! "You'll regret this!"

"Hell, now I am afraid! Do you think I am scared of this bloody knife or of pain?" She said in a mocking tone of voice and pulled a face. "I had more hoses and needles in my body than you can count. I went through hell and you can't even reach the tiniest devil I've met there." Michiru turned away and rolled over to the still kneeling daughter of Mugen Gakkuen's founder.

"Everything okay?" she asked and leaned forward.

"Hai, the fit will be over soon. As always." Answered the girl breathlessly and kept staring on the ground. A thin smile appeared on the white face and Michiru was suddenly sure that she was the first one of this bunch of lousy pupils who had ever been concerned about her. Who had ever protected her. Who had ever cared about her at all.

"Maybe you aren't afraid of body pain, anymore. But mental pain is worse." Declared Ayako angrily and helped her still groaning friend up.

"Her bloody wheelchair broke my feet." Lamented the girl and groaned again.

"You're nothing but a cripple, Kaioh Michiru. You can't run and you can't swim anymore. And your boyfriend likes to run a lot. He's the fastest boy in his club. At the moment he feels responsible for you. But I'm sure he even doesn't love you anymore. It's just sympathy he feels but he isn't aware of it. Not yet" Ayako yelled angrily at her. Angry that the girl down in the wheelchair didn't respond anything. Angry that the girl didn't react. Angry that she couldn't see her shocked face.

"My revenge won't be the knife, cripple. My revenge will be that I'll steal your boyfriend. I'll be the one who shows him that he doesn't need you anymore. That he doesn't deserve a handicapped girlfriend like you. Surely he will understand it after I'll have convinced him. And then he'll be _my_ boyfriend and _you_ will be alone for the rest of your life!" Ayako laid her head in her neck and laughed a rude, loud laugh.

Michiru closed her eyes for some seconds, but she couldn't ignore the brutal noise. Then the group of girls turned around and left the tower. Left Michiru alone with her thoughts and her fears.

"Arigato..." whispered the small girl and came very slowly to her feet. She reeled and had to seize on the wall to keep some balance. The books still covered the ground in a messy hill. The small girl wiped away the blood from her face, but some strains remained and she looked horrible with that pale face and those dark, deep eyes.

Michiru swallowed, then she collected the books and opened the door to her apartment again.

"Come in. You can't walk through Mugen Gakkuen like that. What shall your father think?" she reached for the girl's hand and was surprised to feel how cold it was.

"Hai, my father..." the girl coughed again and her body trembled even more.

"I am Kaioh Michiru." Introduced the young violinist herself while she guided the girl into the bathroom and wetted a towel. Carefully she washed away the blood and the traces of those bitter tears. The girl sat on the tube's rim and didn't move until she had finished.

"I am Tomoe Hotaru. Nice to meet you." She bowed and almost lost balance.

She doesn't look like a child her age. She looks a lot older. And a lot more serious.

"Do you want a hot tea, Hotaru?" Michiru rolled over to the kitchen as the girl nodded. Silently Hotaru followed her and watched her pouring water into a pot and putting it on the cooker.

"It needs some more minutes to boil." Said the young violinist and looked up as Hotaru rose from her chair and came over to her. When she stood she wasn't taller than Michiru sitting in the wheelchair. Critically Hotaru looked at Michiru's still burning cheek and her ice cold fingers touched the hot skin.

"She slapped you very hard." She whispered with a monotone voice and covered Michiru's cheek with her entire hand. The burning increased, then it stopped suddenly and was gone. As the small girl took her hand away, Michiru recognized that her face didn't hurt anymore. She raised her hand and felt that the skin wasn't swollen anymore.

"How did you do that?" asked the young violinist and saw how Hotaru winced away automatically. Her purple eyes looked at her very sadly. As if she had lost all hope a long time ago. As if she had resigned.

"I am not a witch. I just have those powers to heal people." She frowned and stepped nearer again. Michiru didn't move as the small girl put her hands on her shoulders. Wind seemed to fill the room and a bright light surrounded them for some seconds. As Hotaru stepped back she looked very exhausted. "But also my powers are limited." She mumbled silently and lowered her head. "Otherwise I wouldn't be so weak myself." Michiru almost missed the desperate whisper. She rolled over to the girl who sat down on her chair again and raised her hand to caress dark strands.

"Don't believe what other people say, Hotaru. They're just ignorant and afraid of what they don't know. That's normal." She pointed at the wheelchair she was sitting in. "You're a beautiful young girl and your powers aren't a curse. They're a blessing for the people you can help. And believe me, not all people are as mean as Ayako. There are people who love you, Hotaru. Believe me." She whispered and could see the tears burning in those dark eyes. Desperate eyes. Michiru knew the feeling the small girl felt right now too well.

Hotaru raised her hands and touched the one that caressed her hair, and brought it to her now wet cheeks. The small girl suddenly started to sob as if the world was going to end. Tears ran down her pale cheeks and her body trembled uncontrollable as she lowered her head.

Michiru swallowed hard.

_I know her feelings too well. I know how it is to be hated by other people just for what I am._

_A bloody cripple._

_I know how hard it is to find any luck in this lousy world. But I also know how it is to be loved by a person without any doubts._

"Come here, princess." Whispered Michiru and embraced Hotaru as she climbed on her lap and pulled her small arms around her neck. She buried her burning face in the older one's shoulder and cried all the sorrows out she had kept in her soul during the past years. After the accident when her mother died. When her father didn't have the time for her and no one loved her. When her body became weaker with every day and the fits worse.

Suddenly the young violinist knew that it had been a long time that the little girl had the chance to cry out all her sorrows with all her heart. Maybe it had also been a long time that someone held her tight in that loving, comforting way.

Michiru looked into the small girl's desperate face.

Surely it's been a long time that someone understood her fears.

"Hush, princess. Everything will be fine." Michiru held her tight and rocked her gently. Slightly she frowned, because it felt so familiar to have this small body in her arms. For some moments she thought that she had often held Hotaru in that way. To comfort her. To take part in her anger or her joy. But then the strange memory or whatever it had been was gone and Michiru concentrated again on the crying girl.

Slowly Hotaru calmed down but she didn't want to let go of the older girl. Michiru felt so warm. Here Hotaru felt safe and secure. The older girl obviously seemed to like her. She wasn't afraid of her being different. She didn't call her a witch or threw things at her. Obviously she took care of her and was concerned about her.

_She's so nice._

Hotaru closed her eyes as the last tears dried her cheeks and sighed contentedly. An almost happy smile appeared on her normally serious and very sad looking face.

"You feel like my mother." Whispered the small girl and suddenly smiled shyly. Suddenly she looked like the eight year old girl who she actually was. She closed her eyes and slowly settled into sleep. She hadn't sleept a lot during the last days because pain was keeping her awake. However, here in those tender arms she didn't feel any pain it all. It seemed as if her illness suddenly disappeared. As if the older girl had destroyed it with her kind words and her tender embrace.

Michiru smiled sadly and squeezed the girl in her arms softly.

"Don't worry, princess. There's always someone who loves you." She whispered and looked into the now relaxed face of the sleeping girl. "Always."

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"Maybe he isn't at home." Suspected Michiru, leaned forward in her wheelchair and knocked at the door again. The bell seemed to be broken and she couldn't hear any noises behind it.

"Then leave a note. She can sleep with us." Declared Haruka with a strange low voice the young violinist heard seldom from her. She raised her head and glanced at the sleeping Hotaru in the young racer's strong arms. There was a sparkle in her dark green eyes as Haruka stared down at the still sleeping girl. She found Hotaru still sleeping in Michiru's arms in the kitchen when she came home from her training at the beach as she usually called her long walks. She needed those walks, because sometimes she needed to be on her own to think.

Haruka winced as the pain grew in her belly while she stepped back.

Now I am able to have my own child.

The girl in her arms was warm and so light. Haruka frowned but she couldn't ignore her own feelings any longer.

Strange, it feels as if I've always held her that way. As if I'd known her for a very long time.

"Do you want to have children some day?" asked Michiru suddenly and two green eyes looked startled down at her. Haruka turned very pale the next moment and automatically she stepped back for another meter while she shook her head thoughtfully.

"I don't know..." she whispered and swallowed hard. Again she glanced into the relaxed face of the small girl in her arms and blond hairs hang in her face, hide her expressions in shadows.

Maybe, if my daughter would be like Hotaru...

Haruka shook her head again and automatically squeezed the little girl tighter.

Never, if I'll ever become like my father...

She winced and looked up as Michiru gently touched her right arm and smiled sadly up to her.

"And you?" whispered Haruka as she saw the tears shinning in those blue eyes she loved so much.

"The doctors aren't sure about it." whispered the young violinist hesitantly and her smile broke slightly. Haruka wanted to reply something comforting, but then the door was opened.

"My goodess, Hotaru-chan!" The man was about forty years old. His hair was already white and he wore a lab overall. His glasses shimmered in the light of the corridor as he stepped out of the door and took his daughter from Haruka.

The young racer stepped back once more and hide her suddenly disappointed expression in the shadows as she turned away.

"She had a fit and I took her into our apartment. There she fell asleep." Said Michiru and wondered why she felt so miserable all of a sudden.

"Hai, she often sleeps after that." Dr. Tomoe looked with a loving smile at his daughter. "Arigato, you two. I've searched all evening for her and was very concerned about her. She isn't so strong as she wants to be. But that's my daughter: always the will to defeat her illness. And one day she'll be able to do so." He bowed slightly with the little girl still in his arms. "Arigato." He said. Then the door was closed and Haruka and Michiru stood there in the darkness as the corridor's light was put out.

"Let's go." Whispered Michiru and rolled over to her young racer. Carefully she took the icy hand in her own cold one and held it tight. Haruka didn't say a word. She simply nodded, her face still hidden in deep shadows.

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She flew against the school lockers as the boy slapped her face hard. Her books fell on the ground and she went on her knees to collect them.

"I challenge you to a fair competition and you don't even talk to me!" Tsukasa looked angrily at the young boy on the ground. His fists were still clenched. "I want to defeat you and you're running away like a chicken!" he shouted furiously at her and stepped closer.

Haruka didn't look up as she put her books into her backpack. She winced slightly as she came to her feet again. Her belly ached a lot and after had she crashed into the school lockers it didn't get any better.

_Stop it!_

But she knew that the pain would never really stop. Not for the next thirty years.

If I won't die before.

"Talk to me!" shouted Tsukasa and kicked her right arm with his left foot. However, she didn't react. She simply rose, put her backpack over her shoulder, lowered her head and wanted to go away. Some people stood around them and she could hear some girls shouting at her. That she should defend herself. That Tsukasa was a stupid boy. That she was so much cuter than he was.

"Look at me!" he screamed and pushed her from behind. She stumbled and almost fell on the ground again. A pen, she had held separately, because she wanted to enrol for a course, escaped her fingers but she didn't care about it. She had enough pens, she didn't need that one.

Maybe he gives up when I don't react.

It would have been easy for her to beat him down. To yell at him and to defeat him in his silly race he was demanding. But she simply didn't want to. There were more important things in her life than to show that silly boy who was the master and who the apprentice.

But Tsukasa didn't give up. He grabbed her right arm and held her tight. Still she still stared at her shoes and he got even more angry with her detached behaviour.

"Look at me!" he screamed and slowly she raised her head. Her lower lip was covered with blood and her chin was red. He shivered as he saw her dark green eyes looking empty up at him.

"Have you finished now?" she asked with a low, cold voice and pulled her arm free. Then she turned around and walked away.

"Give up, he's better than you are. It's over." Declared Rumiko and picked up the pen. Tsukasa only grunted and went away. For him nothing was over. It had just begun.

Haruka sighed silently as she took her seat in class. Her belly still ached and she didn't know if she would take part at the sports lessons this afternoon.

"Everything alright?" asked Michiru and frowned as she saw the pale face and the fresh blood. She took a handkerchief out of her school bag and softly wiped the blood away. Haruka didn't wince, she just closed her eyes and let her Michi-chan heal her.

"It was this Tsukasa boy again, wasn't he?" Michiru finished her cleaning but stayed near her Ruka. The young racer simply nodded and looked suddenly very tired.

"Why don't you give him the competition he wants?" Michiru laid the handkerchief on the table and took Haruka's pale face in her warm hands. The taller girl smiled at the tender touch and sighed again.

"I don't want to." She declared silently and suddenly both of them forgot that they weren't the only persons in the classroom as Michiru leaned forward and gave her Ruka a light comforting kiss.

"Bitch!" Someone grabbed Michiru's right arm and pulled her away from Haruka. The young violinist looked up in surprise and stared into Ayako's angry face. Haruka rose from her chair and looked very furious, as well, as the teacher entered the room. The young racer took a deep breath and after a cold warning look at the red haired girl she sat back on her chair.

"Hope the test isn't so hard." Whispered Michiru and took her own pen. Haruka only shrugged her shoulders. She wasn't very keen on French and didn't care a lot about her marks. Without her young violinist she would have never been able to pass any tests.

"Don't look so disinterested. We learned all evening!" Whispered Michiru as the teacher distributed the papers. But they both knew that none of them was very keen on the marks anymore. But without a neat education they wouldn't be able to live a normal life afterwards.

Haruka and Michiru sighed as they saw the questions on the white paper.

At least those tests took away some hours from them. Hours they normally would have spent thinking. And both of them knew that they had thought too much during the past months.

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She heard the noise coming from the living-room. As she sat up she saw the light flicker through the corridor. Michiru sighed and crept over to her bed's edge. She rolled her eyes as her wheelchair rolled away and she therefore almost fell out of the bed. With a determined, almost angry expression on her face she climbed over to the hated vehicle. With a loud sigh she sat down and corrected the position of her weak useless legs with her arms. Sweat ran down her back under her blue night-shirt but she didn't want to take a bath. She shivered as she thought of the horrible chair in the tube. It was always so wet and slippery when she wanted to leave the tube and more than once Haruka had to help her. She didn't feel ashamed of being naked. But she felt very much ashamed of being so helpless. So weak!

Ruka's always so nice to me. So loving...

Michiru covered her legs with a blanket. She didn't want to see that dead part of her still living body anymore. Silently she rolled into the kitchen and a short time later into the living-room. Haruka laid on the huge couch. She wore a wide white shirt and her bed blanket covered her left leg while her naked right one laid on the small table. The young racer held the remote control tight in her hands. Pop musicians danced over the screen but the taller girl didn't watch at them. Her eyes where shut and she seemed to sleep. Her blond hair was messed but her face was very pale in the light of the TV set. A painful expression was on it.

Michiru rolled nearer and watched her Ruka for some seconds in silence. Her lips curved in a tender smile. Then she leaned forward and opened slowly the buttons of the white shirt. She knew that Haruka didn't wear underwear when she went to bed but that didn't disturb her.

It's amazing how much shame you lose when you can't use your body properly anymore.

Michiru couldn't count how many times Haruka had seen her naked when she wasn't able to come out of the tube. Or when she simply couldn't get into her dress or her clothes fell under the bed and she couldn't reach them sitting in the wheelchair. How many times had Haruka helped her when she had to go to the bathroom quickly and couldn't get out of the hated vehicle? The first weeks after she had left hospital had been the worst. It had gotten better during the past months but Michiru wasn't sure if she would ever get used to it.

To be a burden. A cripple...

Carefully she placed the warm object on Haruka's belly and begun tenderly to caress the skin around. Slowly the young racer turned her head toward her and green eyes looked asking up to her.

_Didn't she even sleep?_

"It's a hot-water bottle. I know that it hurts." Whispered Michiru and her caressing hand wandered upwards on Haruka's body. The taller girl gasped and her eyes grew wide. "But you'll get used to it and the pain will decrease." The young violinist stroked over the soft skin and felt how the other one winced.

"But I don't wanna get used to it." Answered Haruka quietly and took Michiru's hand in her suddenly trembling ones. "I'll never have a baby and so I don't need this silly nature thing." She took Michiru's hand to her right cheek and leaned her head against it. She closed her eyes and didn't care about her shirt that didn't cover her slim body anymore.

"But it's part of you, too." Answered Michiru and leaned forward in her wheelchair. Before Haruka had the chance to reply anything she kissed her tenderly. "And I like you very much, Ruka. With everything that belongs to you." She whispered near those warm lips she loved so much to touch. The young racer sat up and reached for her. Haruka's eyes shone treacherously as she wrapped her arms around Michiru's waist and pulled her out of the wheelchair on her lap.

"The couch is too small for the both of us." Tried Michiru to protest but then she sighed and embraced her young racer, too, as Haruka buried her hot face in her girlfriend's shoulder. For a long time they simply held each other tight, in a warm, understanding silence. After a while Haruka raised her head and kissed her Michi-chan again. It begun as a sweet kiss but fast it became very passionate and slowly turned into a loving touch again.

"I need you." Whispered Haruka with a suddenly shaky voice between two kisses. Michiru smiled at her Ruka's lips. She knew Haruka didn't mean sex. They had enough time for this chapter in their lives later on. This night Haruka just wanted to be near her Michi-chan. To hold her tight. To feel that she wasn't alone in this cruel world. That there was someone who still loved her. The way she was...

"I am always here, Ruka." Answered the young violinist silently. "I'll never leave you."

"I'll never leave you, too, Michi-chan." Haruka rose from the couch still holding her Michiru in her strong arms. Slowly she went over to her sleeping room and gently put the smaller girl down. Then she covered Michiru with the soft blanket and crept beside her under it. She took her again in her arms and held her tight as if her life depended on it. As if the young violinist was her only life line.

Michiru gave her Ruka another loving kiss and started again to caress over her certainly still aching belly. Haruka relaxed slowly and settled into a light but dreamless sleep. Free of fears. Free of nightmares.

Michiru held her tight and knew that she would never be able to ever let her go. As she had to do two years ago when they didn't have a chance to be together.

The young violinist thought at the wheelchair which still stood in the living-room and stifled a sad sigh.

_Do we have a chance this time?_

She didn't know. All she could do was hope.

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	5. Chapter 4: Silent Pain Part One

Chapter four: Silent pain, part one 

The sun shone from a cloudless sky, the first birds returned from their long journey from the south. Slowly the branches of the trees got greener and all flowers in Japan stood in blossom. Spring came and brought with it wonderful weather. The snow disappeared and the bitter cold was dispelled by a nicely warm breeze.

Soft wind played with the white curtains of an opened window. Bright light flooded the blank underground and made it look like a river of rainbows.

"Your boyfriend's coming." Declared the nurse and turned from the window towards her patient. The girl sat on a mat on the ground and tried hard to move her weak legs. However, they didn't even shake. They laid there on the cold ground. Motionless. Dead.

"You're doing well." Said the nurse and smiled at her with her knowing smile Michiru had begun to hate during the last months. The young violinist knew that the nurse wanted to help her but with every week that passed without big progress, Michiru started to believe that they all told her a silly fairy tale. That even the doctor lied to her when he told her that there was a minimal chance that she would ever be able to walk again – even if it was only with the help of crutches.

"You've made big progresses during the last weeks. Guess it's the nice weather. Your body can feel it, too."

Michiru just rolled her eyes as she heard those happy sounding words.

There's no progress I've ever made. All I achieved is that I can go to the toilette without peeing on the tiles! Now I can dress myself without being strangled by the pullover! Now I can take off my shoes without falling out of that bloody wheelchair! Now I can watch other people running by while I keep sitting...

Michiru wanted to kick the woman away. She wanted to beat her down. But she wasn't even able to run away.

"Hello, Araki-san." Haruka entered the room and bowed before the nurse. "Am I too earlier?" Two green eyes looked concerned down into angry blue ones.

"No, we've just finished. Kaioh-san is working very hard." The nurse smiled as Haruka helped her girlfriend into the wheelchair and gave her the brown jacket. Although it was a very nice spring day it could be very fresh, especially at the Mugen Gakkuen near the sea.

"Sure..."

Haruka looked up as she heard the silent voice next to her. The cynicism in it. The pain.

With another bow Haruka opened the door while Michiru kept her head down as they left the hospital. The taller girl didn't ask. She felt that her girlfriend needed some time to think. That was the way she had always treated her problems.

All problems except the one problem that's too big to be handled...

"There're some training at the arena near Mugen Gakkuen. You know there'll be contests between Mugen Gakkuen and other schools this summer, and our famous school wants to win." explained Haruka and pointed at the black tracksuit she was wearing while she put the wheelchair into the boot and sat down behind the steering wheel.

"May I come with you?" Still Michiru didn't look up and suddenly Haruka regretted that she accepted the offer of her athletics' club to fight at the contents for Mugen Gakkuen. The young racer reached for her girlfriend's ice cold hands in her lap and held them tenderly tight. Sadly she smiled as Michiru still didn't look up. She leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss on the left cheek.

"Of course."

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Her usual pale face was redden and the wind played with her long sea green hair. A soft blanket covered her legs but she didn't even think about her handicapped body now. All she thought about were the pictures in her head. A sketchbook laid in her lap and her fingers moved over the paper as if the pen would stroke it. The picture of a young woman evolved on the white underground, a girl who bet all her opponents. Her feet didn't even touch the ground when she ran and the wind seemed to be with her. Her short hair looked messed and a tomboyish expression was on her face while she crossed the finish line – as the winner.

Michiru raised her head and watched Haruka runing with the others in circles to warm herself up. Happy green eyes met thoughtful blue ones. Then Haruka raised her hand and winked at her.

"Amazing. Normally he doesn't notice anyone when he does his training."

Michiru winced because she didn't hear him coming. She looked up and blinked against the sun. Of course she knew all about Tsukasa, and of course she had heard how he treated Haruka. Mostly the young racer didn't talk about it by herself. Mostly Michiru got to know about the newest fights from Rumiko or from a team colleague.

"You must be the cripple Ayako mentions so often."

Michiru took a deep breath, then she concentrated again on her picture. Her hand trembled slightly but she did so many drawings that she was too much a profi to ruin this picture.

"Go away." She whispered and began to shade the environment; the trees and the bushes around the race track. But he leaned forward and before she could react he held the sketchbook in his hands. He stepped back and she couldn't follow him so fast over the stony underground.

"Give it back!" she demanded but at the same time she knew that he would never obey her.

"You're not only a cripple." He declared and looked at the drawn girl. Tsukasa raised his head and watch Haruka how he raced over the track. The boy was very fast. Almost as fast as the wind as some guys whispered behind his back. And he was definitely not a girl! "You're also a pervert." Tsukasa threw the sketchbook on the dirty ground and stepped on the white paper as Michiru tried to reach for it.

"Why...?" she frowned and looked up to him with an empty expression on her beautiful face that made him automatically shiver. The young violinist stared for some moments at the sketchbook under his feet, then she shrugged her shoulders and reached for the wheels. She wanted to turn away. To leave this place. To escape forever.

But he didn't let her go. Tsukasa grabbed the wheelchair's handlebars and wanted to say something. However, he was interrupted by a low, quiet but very sharp voice.

"Leave her in peace!"

He raised his head and looked into two angry shinning green eyes that normally seemed so uninterested. So detached. So absent. Haruka pushed him aside and stepped protectively between the wheelchair and Tsukasa. Her fists were clenched and the determined expression on her slightly redden face made clear that she would beat him if he ever tried to hurt the handicapped girl.

Tsukasa stared from the fast boy to the slow girl and back. He winced as Haruka grabbed the sketchbook and gave it back to the handicapped girl. Shortly they exchanged glances but Tsukasa was sure that there was more going on between them than only that short look. Michiru shook her head and smiled sadly at the dirty paper while Haruka took a deep breath. She opened her fists as she turned to Tsukasa.

"Next Friday after school. Here. Then you'll get your silly battle." Haruka declared with her icy voice and took the wheelchair's handlebars.

"Haruka! Our training isn't over yet!" shouted another pupil from the team but the girl only waved her hand.

"I've trained enough for today." She shouted back and the two strange pupils left the arena. They always seemed to isolate themselves from the other pupils and obviously they didn't want any society from their fellow students. Both of them were silent and mysterious. They talked to few people, however, often they were alone. Often it seemed as if they didn't need anyone else but each other.

Tsukasa watched them very confused as they left the arena and headed towards the big towers of Mugen Gakkuen. Confused and surprised. Because this was the first time that Tenô Haruka cared for anything. He never reacted when he shouted at this silly boy. He never looked up when Tsukasa beat him or pushed his books to the ground. Tsukasa had terrorised the reserved boy for so many weeks now and Haruka had never cared about it. He only went by as quietly as possible and disappeared silently between the other pupils. He had never defended himself or shouted back. Up today...

Tsukasa was very surprised. With a sudden Haruka accepted the contest. Just because he mistreated that handicapped girl.

Strange...

Tsukasa frowned and glanced down at his hands that had hold the crazy picture the smaller girl had drawn.

It was the first time that this cool boy had been concerned about someone. And of all people, this someone was the cripple half of the girls hated.

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The water was fresh but she liked it that way. Cool wind was playing with the waves as she swam through them. Her black swimsuit fitted perfectly to her slim body. She left the water and turned to face the wide ocean behind. The sun was setting and the horizon seemed to burn. The girl sighed happily and laid her head in her neck to watch the first stars above. She felt her long wet hair in her back and shivered automatically.

"Do you wanna go for a ride?"

The girl giggled as she heard the known low voice behind. She spun around and ran towards her best friend. The Suzuki shimmered red in the dying daylight. The taller girl already wore her race suit and her helmet. She looked up to her and nodded.

"Hai." She whispered and wondered why she felt so free all of a sudden. So happy.

_Haven't I been so happy all this time? Haven't I always been free?_

But she didn't care about her feelings. She simply took seat behind the taller girl and wrapped her arms around her waist. The second helmet was for her. She knew that the other brought it only for her.

"Ready?" The motorbike speeded up as she nodded. Wind played with her still wet swimsuit and she felt so free again. Like a bird. She leaned back and spread her arms widely to enjoy that feeling. She could hear the tender laughter she loved so much as she closed her eyes.

"Watch out!"

The girl opened her eyes again as she heard her mother's scream. She sat on the backseat of her parents' silver Ferrari. Now she wore a blue summer dress and looked terrified out of the front window. Something was on the road. She couldn't define it. Maybe it was a car, maybe it was a human being. Maybe it was nothing of that at all. That thing shouted at them and then it raised arms that held so many knifes. The edges sparkled in the moon light and she could see the insane shinning of eyes that weren't real eyes. Her father tried to evade that something and lost control over the car. He screamed as the silver Ferrari turned around and slipped for some seconds on the roof. Then there was a wall and a loud crash. Then there was the insane laughter of that thing.

Then there was silence. Only silence. And darkness.

"No!" Michiru sat upright in her bed. She still reached with her hands out for something that wasn't there anymore. Sweat covered her pale face and her night-dress pasted to her trembling body. The young violinist wanted to scream, but her throat was too dry. Tears burned in her deep blue eyes and very slowly her nerves calmed down.

_That terrible nightmare again!_

She couldn't remember what actually happened during the accident. It was normal said the doctors. Her brain wanted to defend itself of those life-changing, traumatizing minutes.

_Is that the truth? Did this cruel thing happen to my parents? And to me?_

Michiru looked down at her trembling body and then over to the wheelchair that stood motionless beside the bed. Near but still unreachable. Mocking her.

_Is that thing guilty for the hell I'm living in?_

The young violinist took the headphone that laid next to her on the pillow and the remote control. She closed her eyes and sighed as the sad music evolved in her ears. Michiru touched the remote control and the volume increased until the melody filled her entire world. Tears sparkled under her lashes but she wasn't willing to let them fall. Crying wouldn't change anything. She didn't even fell better afterwards. No, she felt worse when she cried. More helpless. Weaker.

_Is that thing guilty for my useless body?_

She didn't know. She didn't find any answer to her questions. Nor did she find any sleep for the rest of the night.

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"What do you think? Who will win?"

"Haruka, of course!"

"Hai, he's the smartest boy I've ever met!"

"Met? You mean saw! He hardly talks to anyone."

"But he's so cute!"

"And he's so much faster than Tsukasa."

"But don't underestimate Tsukasa!"

"Hai, he's fast, too."

"But Haruka is faster!"

"Hai!"

Ayako listened to the girls around her while she stood beside the track watching the two boys getting ready for their contest. Haruka wore her black tracksuit, as always. Her green eyes were hidden behind sunglasses. She didn't warm herself up as Tsukasa did. The young racer just stood there. Waiting.

One teacher stood next to them. He volunteered to play the referee. For him it was a good contest. The boys proved that they were fast enough to beat the other school's pupils in summer.

"Ready?" he asked and the two boys kneeled down on the dirty ground. Haruka raised her head for some seconds and looked into another direction. Then she stared at the earth again and took a deep breath.

_Why the hell am I doing this silly competition?_

"Steady?"

Automatically she raised her backside and tightened all the muscles in her body. The aching disappeared from her belly the last weekend, but she knew it would return the next month.

"Go!"

Haruka stopped to think as she started the race. It was arranged that they both had to ran two laps around the arena. Who crossed the finish line as first racer would win. She heard the cheers of the girls and the shouting of the boys next to the them. Almost all pupils of Mugen Gakkuen were here to watch them. Half of the pupils wanted Tsukasa to win, the rest, mostly girls, shouted for Haruka.

Ayako frowned as she saw how Haruka raised her head shortly before the teacher gave them the start signal. The red haired girl followed the look and saw the other girl sitting in her wheelchair, well hidden in the shadows of a huge tree. Ayako bit on her upper lip, then she slowly left her friends and walked over to Michiru. The handicapped girl didn't see her coming. She sat there and stared concentrated on the sketchbook down on her lap. Her fingers flew over the paper and only shortly did she look up, watched her boyfriend running and concentrated again on the picture. A thin smile spread on her redden face and she silently moved her lips to a melody only she could hear.

"Haruka's very fast." Declared Ayako and stepped next to the wheelchair. The girl winced slightly as if she awoke from a deep dream. She didn't look up and her hands didn't hesitate on the paper.

"Hai." Was all Michiru whispered. She took a deep breath and tried to concentrate again on the picture.

_Go away!_

But she knew Ayako would never leave her alone that easily, and she would have shown her feelings if she had ever asked her to go. To leave her in peace. To leave her alone with the small dream that didn't die last September.

"And you're very slowly." Continued Ayako and Michiru rolled her eyes. She knew what would follow, and she knew that she wouldn't escape the offensive words. Not in her wheelchair.

"Don't you see what you're doing to him? You trap him in your small world. But he has a shinning future, a big destiny. If you don't stand in his way. Can't you see that he needs his freedom? His independence?"

Michiru continued to draw and slightly shook her head.

_Don't you see that Haruka needs a home and love?_

"He needs someone he can walk with through life, Kaioh Michiru! Walk, not roll!"

And you're this person? Are you really so blind that you don't see that Haruka needs so much more than your beautiful look and your pleading eyes?

"Believe me, the only reason why he didn't leave you already is that he feels guilty for you. Guess he thinks that it's his duty to be with you. Maybe you think it's love, but I know it better: It's sympathy. Nothing more than simple sympathy for a handicapped girl that will never be able to live a proper life on her own!"

_Go away!_

Michiru took another deep breath and risked to look up shortly. The two racers had already started the second lap and Haruka was in the leading position. Surely she would win that race. As so many races before.

_Hope Tsukasa leaves her in peace after that contest!_

"Hey, cripple! I am talking to you!" Ayako stepped forward and grabbed the sketchbook. Michiru rolled her eyes and reached for it but the red haired girl was faster. Of course she was faster. She stepped back and looked at the running Haruka on the paper.

She's talented.

Ayako swallowed hard and automatically shook her head.

_But she's still a bloody cripple. And she's the girlfriend of the boy who should be mine!_

"Give it back to me, please!" Michiru said quietly and sighed. She decided that this was the last time she drew in the presence of other people than her Ruka. They all seemed to want to destroy her pictures and she was tired of redrawing them again at home. As she was tired of Haruka's sad looks when another crumbled paper went into the dustbin.

"Okay. If you want it..." Ayako turned again towards her and threw the sketchbook in the air. Single sheets of paper flew softly to the ground and covered the earth around the wheelchair. It was almost impossible for Michiru to collect them without driving over them with her heavy wheelchair. And Ayako knew it as well.

"... then catch them!" she shouted and laughed a rude laugh. The red haired girl wanted to leave as her eyes caught one picture Michiru was reaching for. It laid directly before the wheelchair and moved slightly in the warm spring wind. It showed a sleeping Haruka. Her short hair was messed and a soft expression laid on her relaxed face Ayako had never seen before. The blanket covered her body but the shoulders and the right leg let on that she didn't wear a pyjama.

"You bitch!" whispered Ayako and jealousy sparkled in her light eyes as she leaned forward and slapped Michiru right in her face. The handicapped girl didn't even wince away. She just sat there and watched her with those deep blue eyes that drove her crazy.

"I can't believe it!" hissed Ayako, her fists were still clenched. "What is it that you have? What is it, you cripple? You can't walk with him, you can't run with him! Certainly you're a burden for him. He must take care of you where ever you are. You can't live all you life in Mugen Gakkuen and what after you will have finished your school? Maybe you're talented, but you won't find a proper job out there. They don't wanna cripples! They wanna young, attractive, _dynamic_ young people. Guess you can't even go to toilette alone!" Ayako's voice was rising, but it wasn't heard. The shouting of the other pupils was much louder.

"What is it that he wants from you, bloody cripple? Is he so keen on washing you? Feeding you? Driving you with his big car around to the doctor's appointment? Guess the doctor only wants to see you because you bring him money. There's no cure for you cripple, but you pay good for the hopes he gives you. I am right, hai?"

Michiru lowered her head and covered her ears with her trembling hands.

"Be silent!" she said and her shaky voice broke. Tears burned in her eyes as she heard the rude words. The true words...

"What the hell gets him into your bed that you can draw such pictures?" Ayako didn't want to be silent. She was jealous and suddenly very hurt. She had to shout at the handicapped girl. Otherwise she would beat her down. "What the hell does he sees in you, you bloody cripple! Guess you're even unable to make proper love. With that dead body you're surely a lousy lover. And what about children? Doesn't he want to have some one day? Don't tell me that you think you're able to get one with that wreck of a body, you cripple!" Ayako still clenched her fists and stepped nearer. "Don't you think it's unfair to betray Haruka in that way? To abuse his sympathy for you!"

That was the moment when Michiru defended herself for the first time Ayako knew her. Well, she often defended Hotaru or some other girl she knew against her club, but what happened to her seemed to be alike to her. Up to now. The young violinist reached for the now empty sketchbook and threw it with all her powers at the red haired girl. Some pens and a ruler followed.

_Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up!_

Ayako winced surprised because the flying objects hitting her body actually hurt.

_She's strong!_

"Why can't you accept the truth, you bloody cripple? You belong in a hospital for all times and he belongs to normal people – like me!"

"Don't you dare to talk about things you don't know. You don't understand!" answered Michiru and reached for her lunch in her bag. She didn't eat it because she wasn't hungry. It was an apple and an orange. Now she threw the fruits at the red haired girl. Tears sparkled in her deep blue eyes but she simply couldn't cry.

Ayako evaded them and grabbed Michiru's arm. With one pull the handicapped girl laid in the dirt. Too weak to defend herself. Too helpless to get back into the wheelchair again.

"Comprehend finally! You're a bloody cripple!" snapped Ayako and tried to ignore the empty look that seemed to perforate her.

Haruka closed her eyes while she ran. She felt the wind playing with her clothes, heard the rushes of the near ocean. She recognized that old feeling she had almost forgotten. She had lost almost half a year ago when she had left her father for good. At those times she had run as fast as she could. She had raced the Suzuki as far as she could – just to escape her father. To escape her dark life. To escape her hopeless future.

_And now, what are you escaping from this time?_

Haruka didn't know. She didn't hear the excited cheers around her. Of course she got the leading position although Tsukasa was very fast himself. When she would win she would gratulate him that he was such a good opponent. He was very good at his sports and she didn't want to hurt him. He asked of this contest and now he would get it. However, she didn't want to take his pride.

We would be good partners in a relay race during the summer's competitions.

They reached the second lap and the cheers increased. Just two more minutes and the contest would be over. And hopefully the terror of Tsukasa, too. Haruka never ever wanted him to threaten her Michi-chan again. She didn't know what she would do the next time.

Haruka opened her eyes for the last meters. There were only one or two hundred meters left until the finish line and although Tsukasa fought hard he was behind her. Only one shadow length but it was enough for her to win.

At that moment she saw the motion at the arena's rim. Michiru was there in the shadows of a huge tree. Haruka frowned and got slower as she recognized that her girlfriend wasn't alone there. Then she saw how the young violinist fell out of the wheelchair.

Haruka didn't care about Tsukasa who overtook her easily. She didn't hear the cheers of the pupils as the tall boy crossed the finish line as winner. She didn't care about the disappointed and suddenly very surprised looks as she simply left the sandy underground and walked determinedly over to the huge tree. The race had never been very important to her. Okay, Tsukasa did win now. It didn't matter to her. If he left her in peace now, it was okay. All that mattered to her was her Michiru who laid in the dirt and supported her weak body with her elbows. Drawn pictures laid around her in the grass and an angry looking Ayako stood menacingly over her.

Haruka simply pushed the red haired girl aside as she went on her knees next to her girlfriend. She looked into tear filled blue eyes and sighed slightly. She looked down at the picture Michiru held tight in her trembling hands and smiled a bit as she saw her sleeping I.

"And you told me you weren't awake for so long." whispered the young racer and stroked some strands of sea green hair out of a very pale face.

"Hai..." whispered Michiru with a shaky voice and swallowed hard. Haruka could see how she fought against her own tears. Tears she didn't cry since the terrible accident that took away her parents and a lot of dreams. Probably forever...

"Everything okay?" Haruka looked concerned at her girlfriend who laughed a sad laugh.

"Of course, Ruka. Everything is okay!" snapped Michiru back and wiped away some tears she couldn't hold back any longer with a quick motion as if she was ashamed of them. "I am trapped in this damn wheelchair for the rest of my life! My doctor says that I'll never be able to walk again. I'll never be able to swim again or to ride. I won so many prices with my swimming and I was really fast. Now I almost drown in this bloody tube! I will never be able to run with you along the beach! I will never drive with you on your Suzuki again and I don't dream of a normal life anymore. I am paralysed, Ruka! My legs won't hold me no more and who wants to listen to a handicapped musician, after all?" Michiru's voice was shaky again and she took a deep breath. "I am a bloody cripple for the rest of my life. I need help for the rest of my life. Hell, I can't even dress properly! I am so fed up to stand in front of the supermarket and can't go in because there're steps at the front door. I'll never be able to live in my parents beach house, because there's a big staircase and it's twenty miles away from Tokyo! And even if there were a bus I would never get into it with that bloody wheelchair!" Michiru raised one hand and hit the metal hard. It hurt a lot but she didn't even notice it. "My parents would be ashamed of me to see me like this! It would have been better if I'd have died with them." Suddenly Michiru's voice was very silent and she couldn't held back a desperate sob.

"Don't say such silly words, Michi-chan." Whispered Haruka and sighed sadly.

"Why not? It's true! It would be better for me being dead! After all who wants a bloody cripple?" Some tears were running down her cheeks but she raised her now hurting hand again to wipe them quickly away.

"Michi-chan, you know, I would never..."

"I don't need your sympathy!" It was a desperate scream before Michiru covered her burning face with her icy hands and started desperately to sob. Haruka simply took her into her strong arms and held her tight as she struggled to escape. The young racer pulled her girlfriend closer and rocked her gently. Michiru's body trembled like leaves in the cold autumn wind but she gave up her fight and leaned herself against Haruka's warm chest.

"You know it's so much more than sympathy." Whispered Haruka near her ear and swallowed hard. She could feel how she blushed but she knew that Michiru needed her words more than her hidden gestures. "You know it's even more than simple love, Michi-chan."

Those words broke the invisible wall. Michiru wrapped her arms around Haruka's neck, hid her burning face in her girlfriend's shoulder and let all the tears fall she fought back the last months. She felt how Haruka's embracement became stronger and didn't hold back her desperate sobs anymore.

"I thought I could begin a new life here. Without any memories of my talents I used to have. Without thinking of how great it was to play the violin before so many people. How great it was to win the swimming competitions. Hey, they wanted me to swim for the Olympic Games!" cried Michiru against her shoulder and Haruka wondered how she could have been so blind. She saw a smiling, a laughing Michiru and didn't see the wrecked girl behind that facade. She only saw a Michiru who didn't argue with Ayako, who defended Hotaru and cared a lot for Haruka. Who never really complained about her situation. Who just went on with her life and didn't give up. Who learned how to handle the wheelchair, who had very good marks at school and started again to draw.

"I thought this was a place where I don't see my parents in each corner. But I've been wrong." Michiru pulled herself nearer and coughed. Haruka held her tighter. How could she have been so naive? After Christmas and after the exiting snowball battle she had almost thought that Michiru had gotten over her mourning. That she had accepted her destiny and faced encouraged her future. But Haruka had been wrong. Now she saw that the young violinist needed more time than those short six months.

_I was so happy to be with her that I didn't see the signs_.

"No one wants me here. They all hate me." Cried Michiru with a shaky voice that broke. Haruka sighed deeply and started to stroke the sea green hair tenderly.

"_I _love you." Whispered the young racer next to her girlfriend's ear and blushed even more. Michiru raised her head and Haruka saw into tear filled, deep blue eyes. They had lived together since they moved into Mugen Gakkuen. Two years ago it was so naturally that they belonged to another even if Haruka's father disagreed. They had shared their free time. Their angers and sorrows. But also their joys. They had kissed more than once and sometimes they went out like a loving couple. But Haruka had never said those special words. She simply thought that Michiru knew about her feelings. After all she had never been so good in words. Only in situations she knew that words were more needed than her hidden gestures.

Haruka raised her hands and took her girlfriend's hot face into them. Seriously she looked down at Michiru and wiped away the tears. They were replaced by new ones.

"Remember what I told you in the hospital, Michi-chan? I promised you that I'd never leave you. I meant it honestly." Haruka leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss. "If you don't want to stay here, it's okay. We can leave Mugen Gakkuen and go somewhere else in Japan or the world."

"With your English knowledge?" asked Michiru and Haruka was relieved when she saw a tiny smile returning on her girlfriend's pale face. She didn't like to see her Michi-chan so sad. So desperate. Then the young violinist shook her head and the smile disappeared. "It wouldn't make any difference. All people are the same. They would only see the cripple outside..."

"Not all people are that way, Michi-chan." Answered Haruka very quietly and thought at the young girls chasing themselves in the snow. Arguing friendly with another. Involving Michiru in their game as if she had always been a part of their community.

Michiru leaned her head again against Haruka's shoulder. Silently she cried again. And the young racer held her again tight and tried to comfort her the best she could.

They both didn't notice the pupils who stood very quietly at the race track and stared shocked at the couple down in the dirt. Who looked asking at each other.

Who looked very guilty with a sudden.

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"Arigato." Haruka took the bowls from the Pizza delivery man and gave him the money. Then she balanced their dinner over to the kitchen. Michiru wasn't in the mood of cooking and the young racer didn't want to poison them. So they decided to order something from the Italian restaurant they had been some times since Christmas.

I decided for ordering.

Haruka sighed as she put the bowls down on the round table. They contained salad and spaghetti.

Hope she wants to eat at least a bit of it.

The young racer ran a trembling hand through her short blonde hair and went over to her girlfriend's bedroom. When they came home the young violinist went into her room and didn't come out again. Haruka let Michiru her peace but two hours were enough now. Haruka started to get worried and she didn't want to spend the evening on her own. Alone.

"Michi-chan?" Silently she opened the door and entered the room. The smaller girl laid on her bed. Sad music filled the air from the headphone. Michiru's eyes were closed and Haruka saw from the regular breathing that her girlfriend actually fell asleep.

_How many nights didn't she sleep properly? Or did she sleep at all?_

Haruka sat down on the bed next to her girlfriend and took her right hand into her own ones and held it tight. Then she leaned against the wall with a sigh and froze in motion. She frowned and her dark green eyes stared confused on the huge easel she gave her Michi-chan for Christmas. The entire easel was full with colours and it smelled very intensive of oil colours.

_When did she finish it?_

She could remember Michiru starting it two months ago. The young violinist threw a brush after her when she wanted to look at it. Michiru declared determinedly that no one would see it until it was ready.

Now I know why. Because it's very personal.

The main colours were a light green and a dark blue. And black. It showed an ocean. Deep under the surface swam a young girl of maybe five years. Happily she laughed at the observer outside the picture. Her blue eyes shone full of luck and joy. The tiny hands reached out for coloured fishes that surrounded her in her blue heaven. Sea green hair surrounded a redden face and the girl looked like Neptune's daughter. Neptune, the god of the sea and emperor of all waters.

Like a mermaid.

Haruka swallowed hard as she saw the black lines that followed the happy child. Dark and threatening. Slowly they filled the blue sea from behind and soon they would do the little mermaid harm. The black lines reached the surface. Over the water there was no light. No sun. No heaven. There was only a shadow on the shore. Standing silently there. Motionless.

Haruka's eyes grew wide as she recognized that the shadow was a girl sitting in a wheelchair. No face was recognisable because she had covered it with her hands. As if she wasn't able any longer to watch the happy girl she once had been.

She never would be again.

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"What are we doing here?" Michiru yawned and rubbed her eyes. She woke up half an hour ago and after she ate a little bit of her spaghetti Haruka brought her to the swimming pool of Mugen Gakkuen. With tired blue eyes stared the young violinist into the water. The half moon was reflected on the calm surface and steam rose in the cold night air. Although it had been a very nice and warm spring day, it soon got colder when the sun disappeared.

"It's in the middle of the night!"

Haruka kneeled before the swimming pool and tested the water temperature. She only wore her black shorts and a white t-shirt. Satisfied with the water being warm enough she came to her feet and went over to her girlfriend.

"We're going to take a bath." She declared and took Michiru's hands before she could grab the wheels. The young violinist looked up to her with big blue eyes. Slightly she shook her head and swallowed hard.

"I won't go into the water." Said Michiru and shook her head again. "I am too young to drown." She wanted to escape but she knew she would lose every fight against her Haruka. She knew she would even do so if she wasn't trapped in this bloody wheelchair. Haruka had always been faster. And when the young racer was determined no one could stop her.

"But I don't have a swim suit." It was a last, weak try to convince her girlfriend but Haruka didn't listen.

"Your dress is a perfect swim suit." Before Michiru could protest anymore Haruka held her in her strong arms and went over to the swimming pool. Michiru wrapped her arms around her neck and stared frightened at the water that wasn't so deep but for her paralysed legs it was deeper than the deepest ocean. The young violinist gasped for breath as she felt the warm water around her as they both entered the swimming pool. Haruka held her tight and kissed her on the suddenly pale cheeks.

"Don't be afraid, Michi-chan. I am here. I won't let you drown." Whispered the young racer and took another step until they were surrounded by water up to their chests. Michiru's embracement got stronger and suddenly her entire body trembled although the water was very warm.

"You loved the water. We got to know each other by the sea at your parent's house." Haruka turned Michiru around until she could see into those big, frightened eyes. "Can't you remember how I tried to chase you in the ocean and you were simply faster? The water's your element, Michi-chan. It belongs to you how you belong to it. Here you could even beat me and you know how shocked I was that you, that someone on this earth could be faster than I." Haruka smiled tenderly down into Michiru's pale face. "Down in the water you've always looked like another person Like mermaid. You didn't win all those competition just because you trained every day. You simply won them because you're part of the sea, Michi-chan. I can see it in your eyes when you look out of the window and watch the waves. And even if you don't believe me now, you're still part of it. Even after all what happened during the last half year."

Michiru smiled back and took a deep breath. She saw how her girlfriend blushed. As always when she said more than some single words. As always when her Ruka tried to comfort her. To show her those deep feelings.

Very slowly the young violinist let go of Haruka's neck and her hands and slowly, very slowly her arms dove into the pleasant warm water. She felt how the young racer tightened her embracement.

She won't ever leave my side.

Michiru took another deep breath and felt the water playing with her body as she moved slightly.

Maybe she's right.

The young violinist closed her eyes and for the first time after the accident she heard the music again in her head. The music which was made by the water and the waves. Like tender whispers the sea's voices surrounded her. A bird screamed high above and she smelled the salt of the air again. It had always been there during the past months but she simply hadn't cared about it.

A smile bloomed on her pale face and some tears sparkled behind her eyelashes.

I didn't realize how much I've missed it.

Here she had been at home for so many times. Every time she felt lonely when her parents were far away with their business company or her father was on tour and she couldn't come with them because she had school to attend. The waves comforted her after Haruka's father came and took the screaming girl with him. Shouting. Beating. Hating...

Under the water it was so quiet. So peaceful. Here she heard the music she wrote afterwards for her violin. It was her father's will to learn an instrument, but it was her will to learn it so well. Because every time she could play she was again in her under water world.

_How could I have forgotten all of this?_

Michiru opened her eyes again and the music increased. She looked into Haruka's smiling face and automatically raised her wet hand and stroked through wild strands of the short blonde hair.

"Arigato, Ruka." She whispered and kissed her girlfriend tenderly. Haruka held her tight and returned the kiss with all her love. Michiru giggled at her lips as the taller girl didn't want to let this touch to end.

"We should do this more often." laughed the young violinist and suddenly a new music evolved in her head. It was the first time since the accident that she heard the music again and it made her happy. She thought she had lost it with her leg's powers, too. But the truth was that she had hid it behind her self pity. Over half a year of mourning was enough.

_I am still alive!_

Michiru looked into dreamy green eyes and gave her girlfriend another kiss.

_And I am loved!_

"What? Taking a bath or kissing?" asked Haruka after a while teasingly and shivered as fresh wind played with her now wet hair.

"Both!" answered Michiru laughing. She looked into the water and saw the reflection of them both on the surface. The picture shook slightly. Michiru leaned her head against Haruka's now wet shoulder and stroked over the calm water. She liked what she saw in the water's mirror.

We're a nice couple.

She embraced her girlfriend tighter and enjoyed the standing position. Here in the water her legs were still paralysed but the water carried them for her. Here she wouldn't break down or lay helplessly on the ground. Here she was strong again and no one could see that she was handicapped.

_Here I am not a cripple anymore!_

"I love you." She whispered and looked again up into Haruka's now dark red face. The racer only nodded and kissed her tenderly. Michiru smiled and returned the sweet touch.

"Hey, you two! It's forbidden to swim at night!" shouted an angry voice suddenly near the rim. They both startled and looked surprised at an angry Ayako. "Dr. Tomoe would be very disappointed if his best athlete would have drowned." Ayako clenched her fists and tried to hide her jealousy behind her rough voice. She didn't like to see that cripple kissing the boy who was meant to be hers. "Get out of the water. Now! And go back to your rooms before I have to report this incident to Kaori-san!"

Haruka sighed but she knew that it was enough for now as she looked into tired blue eyes. And she knew that she achieved what she wanted as Michiru smiled happily. The young racer took her girlfriend into her strong arms and carried her out of the water and back into the wheelchair. She covered Michiru's wet body with a huge towel she brought with her and looked around for her own one.

Ayako gasped for breath as she saw the fast athlete's definitely female outlines. The wet shirt pasted to her slim body and Ayako could see the breasts under the white cloth.

"You're a girl?" asked the red haired girl and her voice sounded high and strange in her own ears. Haruka didn't look up as she reached for her own towel.

"I never said I am a boy." She declared and covered her own body with her towel. She shivered slightly. It was really very cold outside the warm water. Better they got back into their apartment before they both would catch a cold.

"Then you're... you're..." stammered Ayako and shook her head as all her dreams died away like a bubble stung by a needle. "You're..."

"What? Pervert?" asked Haruka with a dangerously quiet voice and stepped behind the wheelchair. Slowly she took its handlebars into the suddenly trembling hands and wanted to turn away. "Or simply in love?"

Michiru glanced at her girlfriend and frowned. She knew that Haruka had always been slim. She trained a lot and didn't like sweets. But today Michiru had seen her ribs under the wet shirt for the first time.

_Did she loose weight during the last weeks?_

Michiru couldn't remember how much the young racer ate. She had been too occupied with her self pity that she didn't take care of it.

Hai, Ruka has always been slim. But today she looks skinny. Almost starved...

"You're bloody lesbians!" screamed Ayako and Michiru wondered why she didn't wake up other pupils. However, the windows stayed shut. No light went on. "You're so ill!"

The young violinist simply shook her head and covered her legs with her towel. She felt cold and suddenly she was very tired.

"I may be a cripple but I am not handicapped in my brain." She declared silently. Then Haruka turned the wheelchair around and they both returned to the living-tower. Leaving a raging Ayako behind.

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The next day at school wasn't very eventful. Ayako didn't show up to the lessons and some said that she had a very bad cold and had to stay in bed. Rumiko told them some jokes and pleaded Michiru to help her with her picture about a rose. It still didn't look very realistic and she wanted to gave it to her mother on her birthday. Rumiko and some other girls talked to them. The rest of the pupils seemed to evade them. They looked at them curiously but they actually didn't dare to talk to them.

"I am home." Shouted Michiru as she entered their apartment. Her drawing lesson was over now and Rumiko had to do something in the city. But later she wanted to come by together with some other girls for dinner. They all wanted to watch a movie on TV and Michiru wanted to make dinner.

Ruka's right. Not all people are as mean as Ayako.

"Ruka?" Michiru put down her sketchbook on the table and opened the fridge. She already decided to cook chicken and rice. Every girl liked the meal and it wasn't very hard to get it ready.

"Ruka?" The young violinist rolled over to the living-room. The TV was on and some musicians danced over the screen but there was no sign of the young racer. Then Michiru heard the sound of water. Obviously Haruka was taking a shower.

Hope it doesn't last so long.

Michiru took the remote control and switched off the TV set. She needed someone who took the kitchen chairs into the living-room so that they all would have enough space around the TV set. The young violinist waited patiently for another fifteen minutes. Then she rolled over to the bathroom. The door wasn't closed and Michiru could hear that the shower still worked. As she wanted to enter the room she could see her Haruka. Her hair were wet and the towel laid next to her on the ground. Her dark green eyes stared empty at her reflection in the huge mirror. She was naked and Michiru gasped as she saw the bones under that pale skin. The girl looked more like a skeleton than a living human.

Haruka didn't see the young violinist. Slowly the young racer raised her hands and touched her small but well formed breasts. Tears burned in her normally dry eyes.

"It's alike what I do, they're still growing." Whispered Haruka in a desperate voice. Then she went back into the shower, closed the door, and the waterfall increased.

Michiru covered her mouth with her hand while she silently rolled back into the kitchen. Shocked she stared at the chicken and automatically prepared their dinner. But her thoughts were still with the skinny appearance of her girlfriend while she heated the cooker and set the table.

Slowly Michiru recognized that she wasn't the only one who had problems with her body and her destiny.

Big problems.

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	6. Chapter 5: Silent Pain Part Two

**Chapter five: Silent pain, part two**

Spring advanced and the days got longer and hotter. All trees were green all over Japan now and all flowers stood in blossom. Birds sang happily and the sun shone from an endless sky. As always life was busy in the city of Tokyo. It was late afternoon and most people walked around hectically. Some came back from work some went to work. Some simply passed from one work the another. However, other people seemed to have time. They roamed along the small shops and looked into the windows. Or they ate in romantic restaurants. Some of them were tourists, some of them were pensioner and some were teenagers who didn't have school today.

"You've spent all your money on that silly toy! I am not stupid! I won't invite you to an ice cream!" shouted a girl and her long dark hair flew behind her as she chased another girl with two blond plaids. "And now gimme me back my bag!"

"But you promised me yesterday to give me an ice cream!" responded the blonde but didn't stop her run.

"That was before you ruined my red skirt!"

"But it was just coke and it wasn't my fault. I couldn't see the root."

"You couldn't! Open your eyes, you blind, stupid..."

"AH!" The blonde raised her arms in protection but it was too late. She couldn't stop anymore. With a high scream she crashed into the girl who sat near a shop window and looked at the jewellery inside. The blonde landed on the other girl's lap and the wheelchair started to move. The street was steep and slowly they both rolled backwards. Quickly they gained speed and Michiru tried to catch the wheels in time, before it got dangerous. However, the blonde did hinder her and so she couldn't stop that damn vehicle.

"You jerk!" The dark haired girl shouted and tried to follow them. But she wasn't fast enough. A tall girl with long brown hair and a different school uniform overtook her and was some seconds later by the wheelchair's side. Her strong hands grabbed the handlebars and with all her powers she forced the wheelchair to stop.

"That was tight!" she declared and took a deep breath.

"You baka! You idiot!" The black haired girl soon reached the wheelchair and looked very angry down at the shocked blonde. Her big blue eyes filled quickly with tears and she started afraid to sob.

"Gomen." Another girl came to them and bowed politely. Her shoulder long blue hair covered her face, but Michiru could see that she felt really ashamed. Her skin was redden.

"Gomen!" The other two bowed, too, only the blonde forgot where she was and didn't even try to get up from her lap. She simply sat there, crying in silence.

"Hey, stop crying, you baka! All you cause is chaos!" The dark haired girl grabbed the blonde and shook her head in disbelieve. "Do you know what could have happened to you and her!"

"Gomen..." whispered the blonde and cried even more.

Michiru raised her head and recognized the four girls standing around her. She recalled a cold winter's day with a snow battle when those girls brought a shinning light into her dark life.

"Ami was right. You're always so crazy, like you had been in the winter." Said Michiru and helped the blonde from her lap. She giggled as she saw that the others recognized her, too. Ami blushed even more and the black haired girl, Michiru remembered her being called Rei, looked even angrier. Usagi, the clumsy creature, cried even more. She went on her knees and grabbed Rei's red skirt to dry her face. Rei started to argue again as she heard the blowing noise from the younger girl's nose and their own personal chaos was perfect again.

"You baka! First you splash it with coke and now with your bloody... Oh, you disgusting little..."

"But, Rei... waahhhh!"

Makoto saved the moment when she stepped protectively between the two.

"May we invite you to an ice cream?" asked Ami and bowed before the giggling Michiru. Her face was still red, but a honest smile was on her lips.

"An ice cream?" asked Usagi and suddenly forgot to cry. "I wanna one, too."

"But you don't have the money for it." Reminded her Rei and Usagi immediately started to cry again.

"You're so..."

"It would be an honour for me." Responded Michiru and giggled again. "When I am allowed to invite this nice girl to an ice cream, too." The young violinist giggled more as Usagi rose from the ground, came over to her and wrapped her arms around her chest.

"She's a friend." She declared and the tears dried quickly on her now smiling face. Challenging she looked at Rei who only took a deep breath. "She's so much nicer to me than you are!"

At that moment Rei screamed again and the two girls chased each other again. Ami blushed again while Makoto wordlessly shook her head in disbelieve.

"They're so terrible." She declared after a moment of embarrassed silence and sighed worn-out.

"But you like them." It wasn't a real question. Michiru knew that the tall girl did and she understood why. Maybe the girls argued quite a lot, but they were the deepest friends. They were there when they were needed.

"Hai." Sighed Makoto, but her smile betrayed her feelings.

"What are you waiting for?" Ami put her book in her bag. "If we don't hurry they'll both eat the ice cream all alone."

Michiru and Makoto giggled happily and the three followed the other two.

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Her face got more and more worried with every minute. She had wanted to meet her girlfriend near the huge park at six and now it was almost seven and there was still no sign of her.

I've been late, too.

Haruka clenched her fists while she walked along the street near the park. She didn't look at the small shop windows as she walked faster every minute, almost breaking into a sprint. She had been at the meeting point at half past six. The car hadn't been ready when she wanted to fetch it and therefore she had to wait until the mechanics finished, because she needed the car today.

"And then Usagi stumbled over her own feet and fell into the water. It was in the middle of February and it was very cold. Can you believe how loud she screamed?"

"It's unbelievable that I am not deaf now."

"That sounds as if it was great fun for me!"

Haruka stopped as she heard the exited voices. She looked around and saw her girlfriend sitting on a big table outside an Italian restaurant. Soft wind played with her sea green hair and she wore the dark red summer dress she had bought one week ago.

_She's so beautiful!_

Haruka stepped nearer and didn't even notice the four girls sitting at the table, too. Nor did she notice the other girl who had followed her since she had left her car.

She's always beautiful, my Michi-chan.

Haruka embraced her girlfriend from behind and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. She felt how Michiru winced in surprise and giggled then. The young racer took a small box out of her blue jeans and held it up so that Michiru could see it.

"Happy birthday, Michi-chan." She whispered and looked into surprised blue eyes.

"Did anyone say birthday?" shouted a blond girl from behind and stepped next to Michiru. Her long hair covered her back and her light eyes sparkled. "Do you have birthday today?" she asked and it looked as if tiny hearts danced in her shinning eyes. Her face lit up in excitement. Ami blushed again, but Usagi only giggled while Minako raised one hand and pointed up to the cloudless sky above. "Let's party!" she shouted and no one doubted that she would organise a great party.

"What is it?" Curiously Usagi leaned forward and ignored the warning looks of Rei although the black haired girl glanced at the box very curiously, as well. While Minako ran through the Italian restaurant to organise a great Happy Birthday Dinner Michiru unwrapped the tiny box. Her heart beat increased as she opened it and automatically she held her breath as she saw the wonderful ear rings. The silver sparkled in the sunlight. Little diamonds formed tiny fishes. Happily they seemed to swim through deep water. Happily and free. Their eyes were made of rubies and it seemed as if they looked understandingly up at her. Michiru raised her head and the fishes started to dance through the air. Each one was connected to a tiny chain which leaded to the plug that was another white jewel. It sparkled in all lights of the rainbow.

"Arigato, Ruka." Whispered Michiru and suddenly tears filled her eyes. She was not only grateful for the wonderful present. She was also touched that her girlfriend remembered her birthday. Actually Michiru only mentioned it by the way two years ago. After the accident she wanted to forget about it, because she knew that she would never be able to celebrate it with her parents again. But Haruka remembered it and together with those nice girls her birthday became something special again.

It seemed as if Haruka wanted to say something more, but she was interrupted by Usagi who rose from her chair and looked curiously at the ear rings.

"They are so beautiful!" she shouted and her big eyes stared at the sparkling diamonds. "I wish I had such a nice boyfriend who would give me such nice presents for my birthday!" dreamed the blonde and her face got angry again when she heard Rei's cold voice: "There's no boy who would ever survive your clumsy character!"

"But one day I'll be a fantastic bride and then we will live together for all times. And I wanna have a daughter."

"But before that you should finish school." Warned Ami and looked up from her book. She obviously forgot her learning during the next few minutes and stared at the ear rings, too.

"And don't think we're going to baby-sit your daughter!" answered Rei and Usagi looked even more hurt.

"But she will be a nice child. Just like me."

"Hai, that's what I was afraid of."

"Oh, Rei!"

"Oh, baka!"

Again they argued and Makoto laughed happily about them. Then she joined Minako and helped her to set the dinner on the table. Haruka took one chair and sat down next to her girlfriend.

"Happy birthday to you..." started the girls to sing as Makoto put down the huge cake. It was covered with several burning candles. There were too less of them, but it didn't matter.

"Is that for me?" asked Michiru and two tears ran down her redden cheeks as she watched the singing and laughing girls around the table.

Haruka looked at her Michiru and smiled as the girl leaned forward in her wheelchair and blew the candles out with one big breath. The girls cheered and then they began to eat.

It's so good that she's not so sad anymore.

The young racer watched the other girls, then she took herself a tiny piece of the cake. She wasn't very hungry, but she knew it would have been impolite not the eat the birthday cake the others had organised.

It's so good that she sees that there are other girls who like her the way she is. Who accept her without any consequences. Who simply take her into her community. Her. And me, too...

Minako put a CD player, no one knew where she suddenly got it from, on the next table and loud music started to fill the air around the restaurant.

"Let's party" she screamed and danced happily around the table.

And a great party they had.

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"There's another present I wanna give to you." Declared Haruka as they entered the parking space near the park. The other girls went home and it was very late now. It was Friday and so they didn't have to worry much about what their parents would say to them about being home so late.

"More presents? I guess I can't carry any more." Laughed Michiru and pointed at the several gifts down in her lap. The girls got them from somewhere. Time by time one girl disappeared and came back after twenty minutes with a small present. She got a book about Shakespeare, a necklace that was a strong talisman which should protect her against all bad forces in this world, a big teddy bear, a CD of the newest boy group and a self made bread that smelled delicious.

And my ear rings...

Haruka put the presents into a bag and put it carefully on the back seat. Then she opened the door and took Michiru into her strong arms.

"Hey, I can do this by myself." Protested the young violinist and shook her head. "And you use the wrong side!" Her deep blue eyes grew wide as she was sat down on the driver's seat. There were different apparatuses around her she didn't know. Haruka had driven the car for so many months now but Michiru was sure that she had never seen one of the switches before.

"What..." she whispered as Haruka sat down next to her and reached for the safety belt.

"You'll drive." Declared the young racer simply and smiled as she saw the still confused look on her girlfriend's face. "This switcher's for the gas, this one is the break. You don't have to use a clutch, this car has automatic. You only turn the key around, then you push the switcher from you and you drive. If you wanna break then pull it to your body. The rest of the car is handled with the steering wheel and the several buttons around."

"But..." whispered Michiru and her trembling hand touched the switcher. She pushed it and could see how the accelerator next to her weak legs moved. Then she pulled the switcher and the brake moved.

"Hey, you're fifteen now, soon you'll be allowed to drive a car and I wanna you to drive already perfectly before you start learning in it such a damn school where the teachers or the examiner are prejudiced." Declared Haruka and gave her the car keys.

"Just some circles on the parking space. So that you can get used to the feeling. Here nothing will happen and at this time no one is here who could hinder you." Calmed Haruka her girlfriend down and Michiru turned the key with trembling hands. The engine started and it sounded like the purring of a wild cat. Slowly Michiru pushed the switcher and the car slowly started to roll. She moved the steering wheel and the car turned to the right.

"I am driving!" shouted Michiru exited and she pushed the switcher a little bit more. The car got faster and at the next corner she braked carefully. She could hear the automatic work. Slowly she drove back to the starting point and turned the keys again. The engine died away and with a sudden it was very silent on the parking space.

"And you told me that something was broken!" she scolded Haruka softly and the taller girl shrugged her shoulders.

"What else should I have told you? That I am going to rebuilt this car so that we both can drive it?"

Michiru smiled, then she leaned over and gave her girlfriend a quick kiss.

"Arigato, Ruka." She whispered and looked deep into dark green eyes. Haruka blushed slightly and smiled tenderly.

"It was your first birthday without your parents. I wanted it to be something special." whispered the young racer and kissed her girlfriend back. It was a light, soft touch. Michiru raised one hand and ran it through Haruka's short blond hair. Soon it looked messed and the young violinist giggled.

"It was, Ruka. 'Cause it was my first birthday with you."

Haruka reached for her and pulled her girlfriend over on her lap. Then she embraced her and kissed her tenderly. That kiss lasted longer then the first one and Michiru giggled as it slowly ended.

"I love you too, Ruka."

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It was late in the evening when she returned to their apartment. Haruka yawned and put her sports bag down on the ground. The training for the summer's competition lasted very long and it took her a long time to get everything ready for the next day. She hoped that her girlfriend didn't ask for more explanations, because it should be a surprise.

Haruka entered the kitchen and saw her dinner on the table. It was covered with a plate and the young racer could smell that it was steak and potatoes. She sighed and drank instead the rest of the cooled coke. She had been hungry some hours ago but now she was only tired. The last night she didn't sleep well and there were strange nightmares that had hunted her until dawn. At school they wrote a bloody French test and after school there was the training. For the first time it had been really exhausting for her. She didn't let the others see it, but her legs trembled when it was over and she climbed into her car.

Maybe it had been too hot.

Haruka put her dinner back into the fridge and went over to the bathroom. Quickly she took a shower and changed into her wide shirt she misused for a nightgown. Slowly she sneaked through the corridor over to her bedroom and hesitated. The door to Michiru's room wasn't closed and she could hear the boys singing sweet love songs. It was the CD the young violinist got from Minako for her birthday. Longingly Haruka looked into the darkness of her girlfriend's room and stepped some inches nearer before she stopped herself.

"Ruka?" she heard suddenly the sleepy voice and entered Michiru's room slowly. She could see her girlfriend laying under a thin blanket. The window was wide open and the stars sparkled on a cloudless sky. The music died away and Michiru put away the remote control.

_Did she wait for me?_

Haruka swallowed hard and stood still hesitating in the middle of the room. There was the wheelchair on the other side of the bed and there were Michiru's clothes on the desk. Michiru lifted her blanket and smiled tiredly up to the taller girl.

"Come in, Ruka." She invited her girlfriend in and wrapped her arm with the blanket around Haruka's suddenly freezing body. It was still very warm, but she hadn't slept enough the last nights.

"Gomen, I am so late. But the training lasted very long."

"There's no need to excuse." Michiru pulled herself closer, leaned her head against Haruka's strong shoulder and closed her eyes. She sighed deeply and settled slowly into sleep. "Just get some sleep and tomorrow we'll have a proper breakfast."

Haruka frowned, then her tiredness took over. She felt Michiru's warm body beside her and suddenly she felt safe and secure.

Wanted. Needed. Loved.

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They drove almost two hours on the highway near the sea. First Michiru asked a lot and was very curious about their one day trip, but Haruka kept stubbornly silent. She said that it was a surprise for her and she wouldn't betray anything. So the young violinist listened to the radio, looked at the wide ocean and wondered where they were going to.

"There we are." Said Haruka after they entered the parking space of a great arena. Michiru frowned and got into the wheelchair her girlfriend took out of the boot. It was another warm day of a nice summer and today she wore a white skirt covered with flowers. Her summer hat covered only partly her long sea green hair. Haruka wore her short blue jeans and a black t-shirt, as always. Now with her sunglasses and her black cap Haruka looked again like a real tomboy.

I love this tomboy.

Michiru smiled and rolled next to her young racer as they slowly entered the arena.

"Haruka?" shouted an old man in disbelieve and the spanner landed loudly on the dirty ground. He ran over to the tall girl and embraced her before she could react. "I didn't know if you'd really come. After all that happened. After all those months..." declared the old mechanic and looked first at Haruka and then at the girl sitting in a wheelchair.

"May I introduce? Michiru, that's Ochi Yamado, my old mechanic and one of my best friends at the race track. Yamado, that's Kaioh Michiru. She's my girlfriend." Added Haruka after some seconds of hesitation and blushed behind her sunglasses. She wasn't ashamed of anything, she simply couldn't talk about her feelings so open. At least not as open as Michiru. And especially not as open as Usagi.

The old mechanic bowed before the handicapped girl and smiled friendly down at her.

"So you're the one who saved my charge's life." He said after Haruka had entered the box. Michiru could hear her inside, but it was too dark than she could have seen what her girlfriend was actually doing. The young violinist frowned as she heard the strange words but the old man smiled so friendly that she couldn't be afraid of him.

"Keep an eye on her, Miss Kaioh. Haruka would never admit it, but she needs lots of love. She simply needs the feeling of being wanted. Then she would walk through hell with you." The old mechanic observed the wheelchair for some seconds, then he nodded thoughtfully. "She already did, didn't she?"

"Hai." Michiru sighed, then she cheered up. "Don't worry, Ochi-san. I love Haruka. I am not going to leave her if it's my will." She pointed at the chair she was sitting in. "But we can't determine our lives."

"But we can give them a direction and never lose the hope for a good future." Declared Yamado. At that moment Haruka stepped out of the box into the shinning sun. She made a face as she pushed the heavy Suzuki.

"I almost forgot how heavy she was!"

Michiru stared at the motorbike with big blue eyes.

"But I thought you've sold it."

"Hai, I sold it to Yamado. I would never give her in the hands of strangers." Haruka picked up one of the two helmets from the bike's seat and walked over to Michiru. She gave the helmet into Michiru's icy hands and looked deep into confused blue eyes.

"I wanna go for a ride. Do you wanna join me?" she asked and smiled confidently as Michiru stared in disbelieve at the Suzuki and than at her girlfriend. All she was able to do was nod although she didn't know how it should be possible. Her legs were paralysed. However, after the past weeks she realized that a lot was possible if she only wanted it to be.

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The wind played with her summer skirt and her sea green hair blew behind her under the helmet. She had wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's waist. A special construction helped her to stay on the motorbike. Haruka didn't drive very fast, but it was an incredible feeling to drive with her along the beach. The endless sea shimmered next to them in the bright summer's sun. Sea birds cried above and it was such a lovely day that Michiru automatically had to laugh.

That drive reminded her on her first meeting with her Ruka. They drove together almost all day long, spent the evening in a nice café and the half of the night at the beach. They hardly talked to another the first days. They simply sat there, holding each other's hand or looking each other deep into the eyes. They didn't need many words. They already knew about their feelings.

Michiru let go off of her girlfriend and spread her arms to feel the wild wind around her and to hear the steady rushes of the wide ocean.

Here she didn't feel handicapped any longer. Here she wasn't a cripple any longer. Here she was wanted. Needed. Loved.

Free.

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Michiru sighed as she opened the fridge to prepare their dinner. She didn't know when Haruka would return from her training. It had lasted very long the last evenings and some girls complained already that it was slavery what they did to their boyfriends. However, Mugen Gakkuen wanted to win the competitions and therefeore the pupils trained very hard.

Again she didn't eat her dinner yesterday.

Michiru sighed again. She didn't even know if Haruka ate anything for lunch, because her drawing club had started earlier the past week and the mornings had been too busy – as always – as that she could have watched her girlfriend eat. The young violinist shivered as she thought of Haruka's skinny body in the bathroom, but she actually didn't have the time to talk to her about it. There was a lot of training and after it Haruka was mostly too tired to talk. And when they had a day free Haruka surprised her and let her secret wishes come true. Then Michiru didn't want to ruin the day and decided to talk to her girlfriend the next day. And during the next day she didn't find any opportunity, because there was again school, tests and training.

Last weekend they went together to a quiet place near the sea and Haruka went swimming with her. It was the first time after the accident that Michiru swam in the ocean and she realized how much she had missed it. It was a perfect weekend. And a busy week followed. Now it was already Friday again and Michiru didn't know what Haruka had planned for the next weekend. But this time, she was sure, she would talk seriously to her girlfriend. Even if it would ruin the nice weekend.

Michiru prepared the salad, then she rolled over into her room. It was seven o'clock and she would wait for another hour until she would eat something and slowly get ready for bed. Thoughtfully she took the violin in her hands and closed her eyes. The music evolved in her head and she simply played it. After she swam in the swimming pool she had to play again. She pulled her violin out of the wardrobe where it had been well hidden the past months and started to play again. When Haruka had time she came to her and simply listened to her. She could do it for hours and never the tall girl looked bored. Just once she fell asleep, but it had been a very busy day and Michiru played a very slowly and very quiet melody.

"Michiru?"

The young violinist winced as someone touched slightly her shoulder. She looked up and saw a pale Rumiko standing next to her. Her eyes looked worried and Michiru laid the instrument carefully aside.

"I didn't hear you come. What's up?" she asked alarmed, because she didn't know how the girl got into her apartment. Nor did she like the concerned look in her friend's eyes.

"Haruka broke down during the training. She almost fainted and didn't move for some minutes. The doctor couldn't find anything. He just says she's too tired. Maybe she didn't find enough sleep. There're the tests in some months and then these silly competitions. All pupils say that the sports club is working too hard but no one listens to us. The teacher and I brought her home. She's now in her room. I hope she'll be fine soon. The doc said we should let her sleep and she shouldn't take part at the training the next week." Rumiko sighed and shrugged helplessly her shoulders. No one had ever seen strong Haruka weak. "Maybe it's the beginning of the summer flu. Half of the school's already ill and the first symptoms are as light as these. But the doc isn't sure. Next week we'll know more."

Michiru didn't say anything. She only nodded and grabbed her wheels hard with both hands.

But I am sure. She doesn't have a flu. And even if she has one of those terrible nightmares she gets enough sleep. And Haruka has never been worried about an exam.

"Arigato, Rumiko, for bringing her home." Said Michiru and didn't even notice that she called this apartment home, for the first time.

"You needn't thank me. You're so nice friends and I am really concerned when you're feeling ill. You've got my number. If anything's wrong or if you need any help, just call me."

"You're a good friend. Rumiko."

"I hope so." The girl laughed as she stepped out at the corridor. "Best wished to Haruka." Rumiko knew that Haruka was a girl and she knew that they both were in love with each other. But she stayed their loyal friend and left the rest of the pupils in the believe that Haruka was a boy. For her privacy was really important. Her father was a politician. She knew too well what happened if anyone broke the privacy and dragged it into the public. Families could be separated and whole lives could be destroyed with one single word.

"I do." Michiru waved shortly, then she closed the door. She took a deep breath and looked over to Haruka's room. The door was open and she could see the red light of the setting sun covering the white carpet. Slowly Michiru rolled over and entered her girlfriend's room. Haruka laid on her bed. Her hair was wet and she already wore her wide shirt. Her naked legs were barely covered with the thin blanket. She had spread her arms and stared stubbornly at the white ceiling. She breathed hard as if she had run a long way and suddenly she appeared to be very alone. Almost lost.

"Ruka?" Michiru rolled nearer and could see how the young racer blinked. As if she would awake from a deep dream. As Haruka turned her head and stared silently at her girlfriend the young violinist knew that it had been a really bad nightmare. "Do you want anything for dinner?"

Haruka shook her head, then she stared back at the ceiling.

"When did you eat your last proper meal?" asked Michiru quietly. Her voice didn't charge her. It didn't sound angry or disappointed. It simply sounded concerned. And understanding.

"I don't know." Whispered Haruka after a while Michiru waited patiently for an answer. Haruka kept staring on the ceiling and it didn't look as if she was going to do anything else for the rest of the night. Dark shadows under her eyes told Michiru that the young racer wouldn't find any sleep this night – as the last night, too.

"But you have to eat. Otherwise your body's going to be weaker with every week and breakdowns like today will be more often. Until you won't have any power at all. Do you really want to sit in such a bloody wheelchair, too, because your legs simply don't have the strength anymore to support your body, even if you weigh too less for your seize?" Michiru's voice was still very calm and so warm. She reached for Haruka's hand and the young racer could feel tears burning in her eyes. "If you don't change your way of life, you'll starve to death, Ruka. And I don't wanna lose you. You're the most important person in my life. What shall I do without you?"

Haruka swallowed hard and closed her eyes.

"But I don't wanna have this body. When I eat I am thicker and I have more female outlines. Then my breasts are bigger and it's harder to hide them any longer. And when I start eating again I'll have my period again."

Michiru kept silent. Shocked that she didn't see how much Haruka had suffered during the past weeks. Okay, she noticed that the young racer wasn't very happy about her period, but she had never thought that she would start to starve herself only to get rid of it.

"How much weight did you loose since January?" she asked very silently and held the suddenly ice cold hand tighter.

"About twenty pound. Or twenty five. I don't know." Haruka sighed worn-out and tears burned behind her lashes. But she didn't allow them to fall. She heard how Michiru gasped for breath, but she felt so tired that she didn't even think of running away.

_I was so blind. Me and my bloody self pity!_

Michiru clenched her fists around her girlfriend's hand and lowered her head. Her sea green hair fell over her shoulders and her pale face disappeared into shadows. "Why?" was all she asked.

"Because my father always wanted a boy who could inherit the family's tradition and honour. After my birth my mother became very ill and wasn't allowed to have any more babies. It was a wonder that she survived all those years and finally died on Christmas when I was five years old. After that day my father raised me like a boy. I should fulfil his dream of being the best motorbike racer in Japan, guess even in the whole world. Often he called me his good boy and introduced me to other persons as his son. First it didn't matter to me. But when I got older I realized that he only loved me when he thought of me as a boy. Guess he finally noticed that I am a girl when I met you, Michi-chan. I fell in love with you and wanted you to be my girlfriend. My father became crazy and took me home, and he never gave me the chance again to escape. He beat me for more than just one time when I couldn't reach his dream. And more than once he beat me because I am a girl. I started to hate my body and it got worse when I grew up. Those silly things..." she pointed with her free hand at her breasts under the wide cloth and sighed. "They grew, too. I don't need them. I'll never feed a child with them, because I'll never have an own child. I would be a terrible mother and after all I'll never sleep with a boy." She sighed and it sounded very tired. "And then I got my first period. The pain didn't matter that much, but I hated the idea that I was now able to get an own child and... hell, I was so ashamed of it, Michi-chan!" Haruka pulled her free arm over her face, but Michiru could see two tears running down her girlfriend's pale face.

"But that's all part of you."

"It isn't, Michi-chan. All at school think I am a boy. Remember Ayako's hateful looks when she got to know the truth about my gender."

Michiru looked silently at her girlfriend, then she let go of the now warm hand and leaned forward. Slowly she unbuttoned Haruka's wide shirt and tenderly caressed over Haruka's naked, skinny body.

"Believe me, it's all part of you. Your breasts..." she heard her girlfriend's gasp as she touched the sensitive skin. "... your female outlines..." she caressed her girlfriend's hips. "... and your period as well." Haruka took her arm away, but she didn't defend herself. She simply stared at Michiru and tears were shimmering in her dark green eyes. Suddenly she looked weak and helpless. The young violinist had never seen her that way before and it almost made her heart break.

"You're a girl, Ruka. You won't change your gender just by stopping to eat. That will lead you to nothing, only to death some day. Sooner than later." Michiru swallowed hard and touched the ribs under the thin skin. "You don't have to be a boy, Haruka. I love you the way you are. I love you being a girl. I love your character, but I also love your body." Michiru whispered and tears burned in her eyes, too. "And you're very attractive, Ruka." The young violinist smiled a sad smile. "Please don't leave me, Ruka. I need you." Michiru's voice shook and broke with the last whisper: "I love you so much, Ruka." Then she buried her burning face at her girlfriend's slim belly and started desperately to sob. Haruka laid there motionless and listened to her for some moments.

_What have I done?_

As to so many questions she couldn't find an answer.

After a long moment she could free herself out of her trance. She reached for her Michi-chan and pulled her out of the wheelchair. She held her tight with the rest of her strength and searched for her mouth. The kiss was full of desperate passion and it tasted salty. Both of their cheeks were wet as they finally parted. Haruka held her girlfriend so tight as if she didn't ever wanted to let her go. And Michiru didn't want to leave this bed either.

"It sounds so simple when you talk this way." whispered Haruka hoarsely after a while in which they simply held each other tight. "But I fear it isn't as simply as that."

Michiru looked up to her and gave her another sweet kiss. Then she pointed at her weak, useless legs and at the wheelchair beside the bed.

"We went more than once through hell and survived it every time. Why shouldn't we handle this situation, too?" she asked and wiped tenderly away Haruka's tears. "You showed me with your love that I am not a bloody cripple. Why can't I show you with my love that you're the most beautiful and most attractive girl I've ever seen?"

"I am not sure if I can believe it."

Michiru smiled an understanding smile and stroked through short blond hair.

"I know it's hard to believe in anything when you're down. When you dig in the dirt and can't see any light in your bloody dark life. But one thing is for sure: I'll never let you down, Ruka. I'll never let you go. You promised me never to leave me. I never promised anything but you should know that I would never leave you alone. As long as I live."

Haruka smiled though her tears and kissed her girlfriend again.

Those words were indeed something she was able to believe in.

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"It's another nice Saturday. I called Rumiko and she wants to join us if we want to go to the beach." Declared Michiru as Haruka entered the kitchen. It was noon but Haruka still wore her wide shirt. Her hair was messed and she still looked very tired. The young violinist smiled as Haruka yawned and sat down on the table. She loved those private moments. They told her that her Ruka trusted her. That they were kind of a small family...

"Sure. Everything is fine." Whispered Haruka and almost fell into sleep again as Michiru set the table. It smelled delicious and suddenly Haruka asked herself when she enjoyed the last time one of her girlfriend's meals. In the evenings she only pushed them back into the fridge and at the past weekends they had been too busy.

"What are you cooking?"

"Okonomiyaki." said Michiru and giggled proudly as she saw how Haruka looked up in surprise. Her dark green eyes were still sleepy.

"You're lucky that I didn't try it. It sounds very complicate. And it sounds as if it could burn easily."

"Oh, it's easy – if you're able to handle the cooker."

"I am a lousy housewife."

"You have other qualities."

Haruka had the politeness to blush.

"Dinner's ready." Michiru looked into the oven while Haruka opened the water bottle. "Do you want anything?" The young car racer raised her head as she heard her girlfriend's suddenly very uncertain voice. Haruka took a deep breath. Then she looked at the delicious smelling okonomyaki and her belly started to protest that she couldn't waste it.

The young car racer tried hard to ignore the memory of her body in the bathroom's mirror. Then she thought of her Michi-chan who obviously loved the body she hated so much.

Haruka looked at the dinner again and into deep blue eyes. Then she lowered her head and nodded.

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	7. Chapter 6: Loud rage

**Chapter six: Loud rage**

"You won, you won!" Rumiko danced around Haruka and Michiru and laughed happily. "You even beat Tsukasa!"

It was a very warm day and the competition took place in the huge arena of Tokyo. The sprints were over now, and of course Haruka did win.

"Congratulations. I've never seen anyone being as fast as you." Ami bowed respectfully, but her book laid open next to the big blanket. Surely she had hardly seen anything of the competition at all, but mostly looked into her school books and learned for her next test. However, Haruka was thankful that she came. She and her crazy friends who accepted Michiru for who she was and not for the wheelchair she sat in.

"Hai." Agreed Usagi and wanted to steal another sandwich out of the picnic basket Makoto brought for them. Although the tall girl was only twelve years old she was very talented in making food and especially sandwiches.

"You greedy jerk!" scolded Rei and tried hard to hide the rest of her own sandwich behind her back. Soon the both argued again while Makoto brought her picnic basket into safety. The food was also made for the racer and the handicapped beauty. Usagi and Rei weren't supposed to eat everything, even if they wanted to.

"That's a good reason for party." Declared Minako laughingly and switched on the CD player. Loud pop music filled the air, but it wasn't louder then the yelling of the pupils as the high jump started. No one felt disturbed by them.

Michiru smiled up to her girlfriend. Haruka looked healthier now. She needed over six weeks to get fifteen pounds back and there were a lot of serious talks between them when Haruka tried to start her dangerous starving again. Two weeks ago she had her second period of her life, but she handled it well. She trained hard for the competition and now she was finally able to end the contest between Tsukasa and herself. Michiru, on the other hand, practiced playing the violin again and she already thought about giving a concert. Her doctor declared that she made big progresses and even if she didn't believe him, she felt that she could be happy with her handicapped body each time she was able to swim in the sea. Haruka bought her a swim ring and for the last five weeks she took part in special courses for paralysed people. There she learned step by step that it was possible to swim without the usage of legs.

Michiru raised her head as Haruka thanked for the congratulations and went over to her and sat down next to her on the huge blanket. The wheelchair stood somewhere in the shadow of the big tree. Without saying a word Haruka embraced her girlfriend and held her tight.

Hai, we both survived our darkest hours.

"Tenô Haruka?" The young racer looked up as she heard the low voice and blinked against the sun. Tsukasa stood there. He held the silver medal in his hands and smiled friendly down at her. "Congratulations, you're the best athlete of Mugen Gakkuen. You already were the best when I beat you in spring. You didn't really lose because you stopped before the finish line. 'Cause you wanted to help her. Otherwise I would have never had a chance against you." Tsukasa looked down at Michiru and bowed slightly. "Gomen, that I called you a cripple."

Michiru simply smiled back and stretched her hand to touch his right arm.

"Don't worry, Tsukasa. We all make our own faults time by time." She said.

"You're a very good opponent." Added Haruka and nodded in agreement. Tsukasa bowed again and wanted to go away as Makoto opened her picnic basket again.

"Do you want something to eat, Tsukasa?" she asked and held up a very delicious looking sandwich. Usagi stared greedily at it and tried to catch it, but Makoto was faster.

"Hai, I'd like to." Said the tall boy and took it.

Usagi's angry cries could be heard all over the arena. And the other girls' laughter, too.

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Haruka rose quickly from her bed and looked shocked into the darkness that surrounded her. Only slowly she could see some light in the eternal black that shone through the open window. The young racer took a deep breath and ran a trembling hand through her now sweaty hair. Desperately she tried to calm down her body and her nerves. She closed her eyes again and shook her head slightly. Then she recognized that she was observed. Haruka turned her head and looked into Michiru's big blue eyes. The smaller girl looked very frightened, too.

"Did you have this nightmare, too?" asked Haruka and laid back on the pillow. She wanted to go to take a shower, but as Michiru took her into a comforting, loving embrace she only wanted to stay there.

"That the whole world's going to end? That some strange messiah will try to destroy it until something is found?" Michiru's voice was shaky, but with her girlfriend near it all looked like a lousy nightmare. It was only very strange that they shared the same nightmare. And that it came back, almost every night.

"Hai." Haruka leaned her head against Michiru's and yawned tiredly. Although the dream had been very scary she felt very sleepy. It was in the middle of the night the next day would be the last one of this school year. Haruka and Michiru hadn't really decided yet what to do in their holidays, but Haruka often said that they should go and visit Europe as Michiru always wanted to. The young violinist still hesitated because she wasn't sure if it was possible to enjoy such a long journey in a wheelchair. But Haruka was certain that she would convince her girlfriend within the next week.

"It was just a silly nightmare." Declared Michiru quietly and embraced her girlfriend tighter.

"Hai." Agreed Haruka with he same quiet voice.

But both couldn't believe in their own words any longer.

"Are you satisfied with your school report?" asked Michiru and put down the paper on the table. They sat together on their balcony and enjoyed the nice weather. The coffee was warm and the cake was delicious. Makoto had made it especially for them two days ago. "Because it isn't as good as mine." Teased the young violinist and leaned back in her chair. Her weak legs were covered with a thin blanket and she wore a dark blue summer dress. She held her sea green hair back in a knot in her neck, but some strands already moved in the warm breeze around her ears.

"Actually it's the best report I ever had." Declared Haruka and stared in disbelieve at the good mark she got in French. She didn't know how she had gotten it, but she knew that it had to do something with all those hours she spent with her girlfriend practising for the next test.

At least she's not as serious about it as Ami.

Haruka smiled when she thought of those lessons in their living-room which always ended on the comfortable couch. After two hours of learning Haruka needed something completely different. And kissing her Michi-chan was the greatest pleasure for her. Even more when Michiru forgot over their tender kisses that she actually wanted to ask her Ruka some vocabulary.

"And no one will beat me for it." said Haruka very silently with a sudden and put her school report to Michiru's on the table. The young violinist looked up, then she patted the free space of her chair.

"Come over, Ruka."

The young racer did as she was told and soon they kissed again.

_I love you, Ruka._

_I love you. Michi-chan._

At that moment the bell rang and interrupted the romantic atmosphere. Haruka rolled her eyes while Michiru only giggled.

"Guess it's Rumiko. Or Usagi and her crazy friends."

"Maybe she wants to cry because of her bad report."

"She's only twelve. She has so much time to learn so much more."

"Don't tell that Ami."

"I won't." Michiru giggled again and leaned back in her chair to enjoy the warm rays of sunlight. Haruka went into their shadowy apartment to open the door.

"If your want to go to swim, Rumiko, we..." said the young racer but her voice died slowly away as she saw the figure standing outside on the corridor. It wasn't the always laughing girl. "What..." whispered Haruka shocked and blinked but the shadow didn't disappear. Nor did the anger in that red face the young racer learned to hate so much during her childhood.

"You traitor!" her father slapped her hard into the face as he brutally entered the apartment. He was faster then the surprised girl and so Haruka couldn't close the door in time. She whimpered as she hit the floor hard. Her father grabbed the collar of her school uniform's shirt and lifted her up again. "How could you dare to run away! You almost won the Grand Prix and then you disappeared. The referees had to disqualify you although you were the best racer!" He slapped her again right into the face and Haruka felt the hot fluid running down her chin. Her nose hurt a lot and she asked herself how long she would have to wear her sunglasses this time. "Why did you just leave without ever telling me that you're still alive! Why did you hide yourself in that bloody school? I've chosen the best school for you and you simply took this one!" He beat her again but this time she defended herself and he let go of her. Her knees gave away and she went down on the carpet again. Helplessly she started to cough as blood got into her throat.

"You're such a disgrace! All I ever wanted was a nice boy and all I got was you! How could you even dare to betray me in that way!"

"Leave her in peace!"

The tall man looked up in surprise as he heard the determined voice from the balcony. He turned his head and stared in disbelieve at the girl down in the wheelchair. He watched how she rolled protectively between him and his daughter.

"You're still together with this witch?" asked the tall man and looked down at the smaller girl in disbelieve. Soon his expression turned from surprise into disgust and finally into hate.

"I've told you she's just a spoiled brat. She will use you until she's sick of you. Then she will leave you and where will you go then?" declared Mr. Tenô icily. "Be a good boy, Haruka, and come home with me. You've always loved the race track and you were satisfied with your nice life you lived in my great house. You were good at school and you won so many races. You just can't let this end just like that." He stepped forward and tried to grab Haruka's arm. The girl shook silently her head. Blood run over her chin and dropped on her school uniform's shirt. She squinted, because her eyes swelled quickly. Her vision became blurred and her body trembled as she leaned forward and seized on the wheelchair's handlebars.

"I said leave her in peace!" Michiru's blue eyes looked coldly up to him. Her love for the taller girl was stronger than any fear before the man that was her girlfriend's father.

"Haruka is a girl. She's my girlfriend. And she won't go anywhere. Especially not with you!" declared the young violinist and her voice made sure that she would do anything to protect the taller girl. Anything. Even if it was not in her might now.

"No!" The man pushed the wheelchair aside before Michiru could react and grabbed her daughter's bloodstained shirt again. "No, you're my beloved son! You're the future World's Champion. You will keep our family tradition and our name alive!" he shouted while he pulled Haruka toward the still open door. "You don't belong to this crazy school. To this cripple. She only misuses you. Don't ya see, my boy, that she's a witch? She will bring you so much bad luck as your mother did to me. She will leave you before you can say goodbye. Before you can really love her. No, her feelings aren't love. Her feeling are just lust. She'll be a terrible mother and when you'll have a child one day she will disappear into nothing and leave you with that crying bundle behind. Trust me, all women are the same!" The man looked with wild eyes at Michiru, but the young violinist wasn't sure if he still saw her. Or if he confused her with another woman. Maybe with his own wife...

"Maybe she's good in bed. That's what they all are - at first. But she will never see your soul and you'll never be able to reach her heart." His sad eyes got angry again. "And now, let's go, Haruka!"

"No!" Haruka choked because of the blood that still ran from her nose. She tried to pull herself free, but he was still taller and still stronger than her. "Michi-chan's the person I belong to. I love her and she loves me. I won't return to the hell I escaped when I left you!"

She winced as he slapped her hard again into the face. Her nose bled even more and tears burned in her dark green eyes as the pain increased.

"You're a stupid, love-drunken jerk. But it will soon be over when you recognize that she's just a bloody bitch - just like all the other women, too. She's a whore. When you're gone she'll take the next guy in her bed and forget about you very quickly. The same way you will forget her, my son. I know it. I..."

"You know nothing!" Haruka finally pulled herself free and shook her aching head. She reeled and almost crashed against the wall. Her bloodstained face was almost as white as the wallpaper behind her. Michiru wanted to roll over, but suddenly she didn't have the power anymore. Her entire body seemed to be paralysed, not only her weak legs. With big blue eyes she watched her girlfriend and the man who almost killed her – without using a weapon...

"Michi-chan's my savior! Without her I would be dead! I didn't want to live anymore under your dictatorship. I was so fed up with you beating me for every tiny fault. I was so sick of seeing you drunk almost every evening. And I was so tired of you calling me your bloody good boy. Bugger, father, I am a bloody girl. I was a girl when I was born and I will still be a girl when I'll die one day. Really, I've wanted to finish with all this bloody hell you created for me. My life was dark and hopeless. And then I met Michi-chan. She's the light in my darkness. She's the one who's keeping me going on. She's the only reason for me being alive! Not you or your bloody races. She's the one I am living for." Haruka didn't even notice that tears were running down her pale cheeks. She swallowed hard and her own blood tasted salty.

Her father blinked, then he grabbed her collar with a sudden and threw her out of the apartment.

"She bewitched you. I knew it. But everything will be right, when she's gone. When she leaves you the same way your mother left me!"

Haruka whimpered as she landed hard on the cold floor. She raised her head and her vision blurred even more. But she concentrated and forced herself not to become unconscious. The young racer noticed a motion near the elevators. Slowly she turned her head and saw a small girl standing near the door. She wore a long black dress and her dark eyes looked sadly down at her.

_Haruka-papa!_

Haruka frowned as she heard the happy child's voice in her head. A tender voice she seemed to have known all her life, although she had never heard it before.

The small girl held a huge staff in her hands. It was taller than her body and the metal sparkled in the bright sunlight. Haruka blinked again and recognized the staff as a big scythe in the small girl's hands. Then the vision was gone. The girl spun around and disappeared into the elevator again.

_Michiru-mama!_

Haruka heard the scream evolving inside the apartment. It took her all her powers to get on her feet again. The entire world spun around her, but she didn't give in her dizzy feelings.

"My boy will be mine again when you disappear out of his mind!" declared her father in a dangerously quiet tone and raised his right hand. Haruka gasped as she saw the knife in his hard fingers that had hurt her more than once. The blade shimmered silver in the sunlight. Michiru tried to escape, but she laid helplessly on the white carpet. Paralysed. The wheelchair laid next to her. Turned upside down. Blood covered her cheeks as well, and suddenly Haruka knew that her father had slapped her, too.

No, not her. She went through so much pain, he mustn't hurt her the same way he hurt me! He mustn't... He mustn't... Michi-chan!

"No!" Haruka didn't think of anything else but her girlfriend as she jumped protectively between her father and the young violinist. She covered Michiru with her own body and closed her eyes as the knife made it's way downwards.

"You aren't my good boy! Where the hell is my good boy? You're just another weak girl. Another unfaithful woman. You aren't my good boy! You're just a bloody lesbian being in a crazy relationship with a bloody cripple. You aren't my good boy anymore! Where the hell did you put my good boy? Where the hell do you hide my good Haruka?" screamed the tall man and the knife drove into Haruka's right arm. She bit on her lips and embraced her girlfriend tighter. He had to kill her first before he could do her Michi-chan any harm.

"You will never hurt her again!" cried Michiru suddenly and raised her head. A strange, blue sign shone on her forehead and wind that hadn't been there a minute before played with her long sea green hair. The knife came nearer again but this time it was stopped by the blue light that surrounded them suddenly.

"What...?" whispered the man confused and looked surprised at his knife. The blade was bloodstained and it escaped his trembling hands. He watched how his daughter, no, his son, stood up. But suddenly the person before him wasn't his good boy any longer. Instead he saw a girl. She wore a short school uniform which accentuate her female outlines. Her dark green eyes stared at him in cold rage.

"You'll never ever hurt my Michi-chan again. As long as I live you'll never get another chance to hurt her, I swear!" he could hear her screaming. He stepped back and shook his head in disbelieve. "EARTH SHAKING!" He didn't know what happened. But suddenly he was lifted up and pushed against the next wall. His breath escaped his lung and black shadows danced over his eyes as he fell down on the white carpet. However, he didn't feel it's softness. His head ached too much and he wasn't able to move his legs or even his arms any longer. Dizzily he stared at the ceiling and waited... For what? He didn't know. He didn't know anything other than that his Haruka had always been a good boy. And that his child would always be his good child. The future World Champion. The honour of the Tenô's family. He would continue with the family's tradition. The honourable name Tenô would never die out.

The man smiled while his look got darker and darker.

"My good boy..." he whispered and took a deep breath. Then he rested calm on the ground. In a silence that would never hurt his daughter again. Never he would scream loudly at her again, never he would hurt her any more, leave her in silent pain. Now his daughter wasn't afraid of him any loner. Of his silly war he had played over all those terrible years. Haruka had seen worse. She went through hell, through the coldest winter. He couldn't do her any harm any longer.

No, never again. Now I am free. Free from him. At last. Now I can be myself again...

Haruka sighed and collapsed slowly. Michiru was there when she went on her knees. Two soft arms embraced her tenderly and pulled her toward a warm body. It was so comforting there. So safe. So secure.

He will never hurt me again. Now I am where I belong.

Haruka sobbed quietly while Michiru simply held her tight and rocked her gently.

Now I am loved. At last...

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They both didn't notice the police men who rushed into their apartment like a thunder storm. A man with almost white hair and a small girl who still wore her school uniform followed.

"Is this the man who attacked one of my most talented pupils, Hotaru-chan?" asked Dr. Tomoe and looked terrified around. He had always thought that his school was secure. That no one could do such a massacre in his Mugen Gakkuen.

"Hai." Whispered the girl and slowly left her father's side.

"Oh, he smells like a whole beer barrel!" said one of the police men and put the tall man in handcuffs.

"He will have a big headache when he awakes." Declared the other police man.

"And he'll have the worst headache of his life when he recognises that he almost killed two innocent teenagers. Guess the judge won't be very happy about him."

Dr. Tomoe talked to the police men while they checked the apartment and called an ambulance after they had seen the injured boy. His brown and green school uniform was bloodstained. None of them saw how Hotaru slowly went over to the two girls. No one saw how she kneeled before them in the blood that dirt the white carpet. And no one saw how she tried to embrace them both with her small arms to comfort them with all the love a small girl of her age was able to feel.

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It rained outside. It was a cool late summer's day. The first leaves changed their colours and fell from the huge trees which surrounded the old building.

Haruka listened to the raindrops' steady sounds drumming against the window pane. She didn't see the other people passing by, talking exited. She didn't see the flashes that lightened up the dark corridor a little bit. She didn't even notice that some reporters took photos of her. Two reporters even came over to her, but she only glanced confused in their faces as they asked her some questions.

"What do you think of your father's conviction?"

"What do you think of his behaviour?"

Haruka corrected her sunglasses and turned away from them. Slowly she walked over to the window and watched the rain running down.

Slightly she remembered the negotiation. She had sat there in the first row and followed the judge's words as if she hadn't been there. As if she was another person. Watching the play from outside. Haruka couldn't recall what she had said to the judge as she had to speak as a witness. All she could remember was that she didn't want to take off her sunglasses. She swore on the holy bible and had to say some other odd stuff, but she didn't want to show them her scars. That was too personal.

"What do you think of your father's outbreak after the judgement?" The reporter had followed her, but still she didn't answer. With an empty expression on her face she stared out of the window and winced as she suddenly heard the loud voice in her head again:

She's lying! I never hurt my good Haruka! Whom do you believe? A honourable business man like me or a bloody lesbian like her?

Still she heard his loud rage that filled the entire court. He yelled at her, at her girlfriend and finally at the police men and the judge.

"What do you think...?"

"Can't you see that she doesn't want to talk to you?" declared a clear voice and Haruka surfaced from her nightmare back into reality. She lowered her head and looked into the smaller girl's determined face. Michiru rolled protectively between her and the reporters.

"You must be the other girl who was also attacked by Mr. Tenô. What do you think of this story?" the reporter came nearer and Michiru clenched her fists. She looked as if she would beat him if he'd continue to ask his stupid questions.

"I said..."

"Are you two a real couple?" The next reporter came nearer and flashes crossed the air again. Michiru squinted and blushed in anger. She stretched her right hand toward the camera but she couldn't touch it. Couldn't take it away. Couldn't break it.

"Leave us in peace." Said Haruka with a quiet voice and was amazed that she was still able to speak. Her head ached more and more with every second and although she was allowed to leave the hospital two days ago her arm still hurt a lot. Suddenly she felt very tired and very sad. All she wanted to do now was to go back to Mugen Gakkuen, lay down on her bed and sleep. Being embraced by her girlfriend. Being comforted until she was able to forget her personal nightmares. Until she was able to live with the memories of the past days. Of the last two years. Of his rude hands beating her more than once...

The reporter seemed to say something more as they brought the tall man out. He still yelled at the judge and the police men had a hard job to keep him under their control. Flashes danced again through the air and Mr. Tenô was now surrounded by the media. He said something to them and stayed longer near the door than necessary. His dark eyes looked for a long while in empty green ones.

"My good boy..." he whispered before the police men pushed him with them. Haruka winced and watched the man who used to be her father until he left the building to go in another one. For a very long time.

You never loved me.

Haruka swallowed hard. Then she felt the warm hand that held her icy one tight. It was a soft touch and as the taller girl looked at her girlfriend she had to take a deep breath. It was very hard for her not to destroy the walls she had established protectively around herself. Around her heart. Around her soul. Around her thoughts. It was very hard not to break down sobbing to be embraced by those warm, those comforting arms. To hear those understanding words and to know that there was still someone who wanted her.

Michi-chan loves me...

Haruka smiled a shaky smile. Michiru had been by her side all the time. She held her hands during the negotiation and she was there when she needed her. Since the last September the young violinist had always been there. For her. And even if she had had her own problems, her own nightmare, her personal hell she went through after she had to accept her parents' death and her body being paralysed she had never left her alone.

Michiru looked loving up in desperate green eyes behind the sunglasses and squeezed the icy hand stronger.

"Let's go home, Ruka." She whispered and brought her lover's hand toward her cheek.

You're the light in my darkness...

Haruka only nodded.

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The dinner smelled delicious. However, she wasn't really hungry. Nor did she have any appetite. Silently she stared on her plate and knew that she should eat something. The steak looked very good and she loved chips. With a lot of tomato ketchup. Haruka sighed slightly. Michiru was still in her room and changed her clothes. She wanted to join her in about two minutes.

The young racer stood up and walked out of the balcony. There she sat down on one chair and watched motionless the waves moving in the endless ocean. The air still smelled of rain and the water was dark now. You could see no ground and maybe it was groundless. Under the surface it was calm. No voices could be heard. No shouting, no loud rages...

"Ruka?" Haruka winced, but she didn't look up. Slowly Michiru entered the great balcony. Her girlfriend only kept staring out to the wide horizon. Wind played with her short blond hair and suddenly Haruka looked like a long forgotten hero. From a long forgotten legend.

"It's not your fault." Whispered the young violinist and embraced her girlfriend tenderly. Haruka sighed, then she looked up. There were no tears in her dark green eyes, but her expression was still very sad. And Michiru felt how the young racer fought against her own feelings. She wanted to be strong. Strong enough for the both of them. To face their destinies without any fears. And it scared her every time she had to admit that she wasn't that strong at all.

Not alone...

"I know..." Haruka replied very quietly and leaned her forehead against Michiru's. "I know, Michi-chan. But it still hurts. The wound will heal and maybe the scars will disappear some day. But I am not sure, if..."

"But I am sure." Before Haruka could say something more Michiru had pulled her girlfriend closer and gave her a long and loving kiss. The young racer smiled a shaky smile against her lips and returned the kiss with the love she felt for her. With all her passion. With all the strong feelings she wasn't able to explain with simple words.

"Happy birthday." Whispered Michiru and reached for the bag that hung over her wheelchair's handlebars. She smiled at her girlfriend as she pushed the gift in her hands.

"You remember it?" asked Haruka surprised and swallowed hard. Suddenly her cold hands trembled.

"Of course. You've mentioned it over two years ago."

"Now three years..." answered Haruka and raised her hand to shake the gift. She frowned as she heard…nothing? "What is it?" she asked curiously and the sad expression slowly disappeared from her now redden face. It was replaced by an attentive smile. Impatiently she unwrapped it. Her smile faded and she made a disappointed face as she saw the vanity case. She turned it for some times around, but it didn't change into something more suitable.

"Do you like it?" asked Michiru and looked at her with that look Haruka couldn't resist.

"Well..." answered the young carer unsure and asked herself how she should use it. She never used make up and she didn't know why she should begin to use it now. "Well..."

Michiru giggled and took the vanity case away. She giggled even more as she saw the now obviously disappointed expression on Haruka's face.

"Hey, at least it's my present! You can't steal it. Michi-chan!" Panic grew in Haruka's face as the young violinist put the vanity case back into the bag again.

"You should've see your face!" laughed Michiru and collected another gift, a tiny box, out of the bag. "The vanity case is mine. I bought it because my old one is empty now. I just wanted to see your shocked face. And Ruka, believe me, it was worth it." The young violinist laughed even more as she pushed the small box into Haruka's still icy hands. "Don't worry, I won't force you to use make up or to wear skirts. You know I love you the way you are. That's your real gift, honey. Happy birthday."

Haruka stared for some seconds in silence at the wrapped box in her hands.

That's the first real birthday present I've gotten since I was five.

She frowned slightly as she thought of different clothes and socks, being wrapped up in ugly yellow paper.

Guess it's the first real birthday present in my entire life. Surely it's the first present given with so much love...

"What is it now? A lipstick?" asked Haruka while she unwrapped the paper impatiently.

"Of course. A pink one." Laughed Michiru and was relieved that her girlfriend didn't look so depressed anymore. The young violinist didn't like to see Haruka so sad. She wanted to see her happy. All of her life.

I only want to see you laughing, never crying again.

It was a wish she knew she couldn't fulfil. But it was dream to begin with.

"What..." Haruka looked puzzled at the key jiggling in her hands. The trailer was a silver model of a motor bike. It sparkled in the setting sun that finally broke through the thick rain clouds. Then the young racer looked at her girlfriend in disbelieve. Michiru only giggled and rolled over to the rim of the balcony.

"Come over here." She said and very slowly Haruka followed her. She frowned as she recognized the well known motor bike standing next to the big car on the parking space.

"It can't be..." whispered Haruka as she recognized her old Suzuki.

"I bought it from Yamado. He said it's yours, even if your father once paid it." Michiru raised her hand and touched her girlfriend's healthy arm. Suddenly the young violinist was very unsure as Haruka didn't reply anything. She just stood there. Motionless. Staring down at the motor bike as if she had seen a ghost. "I know you went through hell and I know that driving your motor bike was only a chance to escape reality. But you loved to race through the arena. To race along the beach. Can you remember the first time we met? You almost crashed into me with that Suzuki and even if you hate it now, I am sure you'll enjoy a ride on her in some years." Michiru sighed slightly and lowered her head. Once it had been a good idea. But that had been before the attack. Before Haruka's father tried to hurt them so badly. Now after the horrible day at court she wasn't sure any longer if Haruka wasn't even more hurt by her gift than delighted.

"Gomen." Whispered Michiru and turned her wheelchair around. "If you don't like it then sell it. We can buy another gift for you." As she wanted to roll over to the living-room she felt two arms embracing her from behind. Haruka leaned her head against Michiru's and held her tight.

"Arigato, Michi-chan." Replied the young racer and gave her a light kiss an the now pale cheeks. "But give me a little more time."

"You've got as much time as you need." Michiru smiled again and raised her hands to ran them through the short blond hair. "But in the meantime we should eat our dinner before it's frozen."

Haruka closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of having her Michiru near her.

"Good idea. But there's something I have to do before." Declared the young racer quietly and leaned lightly forward.

"And that is?" Michiru raised one eyebrow but a curious smile laid on her happy smiling face.

"To kiss you." Laughed Haruka and took her girlfriend into their strong arms. Both eyes were closed as their lips met and there was no word spoken during the next half hour.

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"But only five minutes!"

She heard the familiar voice and frowned without opening her eyes. It was seldom that Kaori, her father's assistant, looked after her before dawn. The door was closed and she sighed deeply. Her entire body hurt and her head was going to explode. She was used to her attacks, but this one had been one of the worst during the last half year. Her father had looked very concerned down at her, but he couldn't help her. Not really. All those pain killers couldn't help her for long. The pain increased and slowly it became resistant against the medicine. Against all those bitter pills she had to eat regularly.

"Himme-chan?" She heard another voice. It was so different from Kaori's. So warm. So full of love.

"Michiru?" whispered the little girl and opened her eyes. The room was dark. Of course it was dark. The curtains hung before the windows and dispelled all day's light. Hotaru couldn't held back a sob as she saw the older girl sitting next to her bed.

_Is this only a nice dream that will be gone when I'll awake?_

The little girl reached her hands toward the young violinist and automatically winced as she felt the soft fingers that touched her cold skin.

As if my body were already dead...

"Why are you here?" asked Hotaru and coughed. Her body trembled with a sudden and she felt as if she burned under her icy skin.

"We heard of your attack and wanted to cheer you up." Answered another voice and Hotaru felt how someone sat down on the other side of the bed. She turned her head and looked with her big dark eyes at the grinning tomboy.

"That's for you." Haruka laid down a small present and helped the little girl to sat upright in the bed. Hotaru leaned exhausted against her pillow, but a thin smile laid on her face that was almost as white as the wall behind her.

"A card game?" whispered Hotaru and her matt eyes shimmered a bit as her fingers touched the new cards. "How could you know that I've always wanted to have such a game? Kaori said that I am too old for it." said the little girl and observed the joker.

"Your father gave us that tip." Haruka couldn't resist and stroked over the shoulder long dark hair. They were sweaty, but they still felt like velvet.

Something is strange about this girl I can't define.

The young racer swallowed hard as she saw the bandages covering the tiny arms. Certainly there were wounds caused by the injections under them. The little girl was too slim and looked very ill. But her eyes shone as she laid down one card by the next one on the blanket.

I don't know what I should think about her. But I know for sure that I love her.

Haruka frowned, but her hand kept stroking.

But it's a different love than the one I feel for my Michi-chan.

"Arigato..." whispered Hotaru and smiled at them both. Her smile faded surprised as she saw the huge yellow dragon that sat on Michiru's lap.

"Oh, I've almost forgotten about him. That's a magic dragon. He'll care for you when you're feeling ill." smiled Michiru and laid the dragon in Hotaru suddenly trembling hands.

"I knew it." Whispered the girl and big tears run down her cheeks. "You were saying goodbye. Why else should you have visited me? People only talk to me to say goodbye or to say that there is no other way..." declared Hotaru and looked a lot older than her eight years as she lowered her head. She couldn't hold back her sobs and some cards fell on the carpet as she brought her legs up to her chest. It was a protective gesture and it broke Haruka and Michiru almost their hearts. Silently the two older girls exchanged glances. Then Michiru reached over to the girl and pulled her on her lap. Hotaru didn't defend herself. She only sat there and cried desperately.

"Hime-chan..." whispered the young violinist and kissed gently Hotaru's sweaty forehead. "We won't leave you. We are your friends - as long as we live. We just heard of your attack and wanted to cheer you up."

"The dragon was my idea. I've got a teddy bear myself and it's my best friend - besides my Michi-chan, of course." Declared Haruka and stepped over to the wheelchair. "But if you don't want it..."

"I like it." Sobbed the little girl and looked up with such a desperate look that hurt Haruka deeply. "But I don't wanna any substitutes any more."

"Don't worry, you can keep it." Haruka went automatically on her knees beside the wheelchair and looked loving into two serious black eyes. "And we're your friends. We won't leave you." She didn't know why she made such a strange promise. She hardly knew the little girl, but it felt as if she belonged to her. To her and to Michiru.

"And know stop crying, dear." Whispered the young violinist and squeezed the little girl on her leap tenderly. "There are many reasons for crying. But there's no reason for it at the moment."

Hotaru looked up at her and nodded bravely. Then she wrapped her arms around Michiru's neck and leaned her head against the warm shoulder. Here she felt safe and secure. The little girl smiled and the tears dried on her cheeks as she felt those strong hands again that stroked carefully through her dark hair.

"I love you." Whispered the little girl honestly and wished this moment to last forever. Never to end. To become reality for the rest of her life.

_Haruka-papa._

_Michiru-mama._

The two older girls smiled loving at Hotaru.

"We love you, too." It was not more than a whisper but it was all the little girl had ever dreamed of.

Hime-chan.

They stayed until dawn and when they left Hotaru knew that they would return.

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	8. Chapter 7: These wars

**Chapter seven: These wars**

It was a lovely Sunday. The sun shone from a cloudless sky and it was a very hot day of a wonderful summer. Michiru rolled over to the ice cream shop and smiled as she read the menu. She wore a white summer dress and a summer hat covered her head.

"What do you want, love?" asked Haruka and came nearer. She wore her short blue jeans and a wide, sleeveless shirt. The first three bottoms were open and Michiru simply enjoyed to look at her girlfriend. Today she looked really sexy. She wore her sunglasses again, but today she didn't misuse them to hide her bruises. The scars disappeared during the last weeks and now nothing remembered anymore of the rude attack of her own father. Nothing but her nightmares and time by time her depressed mood. But Michiru was there every time she felt sad and she hindered her to try her dangerous starving again.

She convinced me that she loves me the way I am.

"I can't decide. It all sounds so delicious." Answered the smaller girl and sighed unsure.

"I wanna a chocolate ice cream." Demanded a high voice and Haruka felt how someone grabbed her right hand. She looked down at the redden cheeks of the little girl. Dark eyes looked pleading up into smiling green ones.

"Please, Haruka!" Hotaru blinked and pouted at her with that look in her purple eyes Haruka couldn't resist. The little girl wore a long black dress and Haruka wondered for the maybe tenth time why she didn't sweat a lot.

"You'll get one, princess." Laughed Haruka and saw that her girlfriend finally decided for an ice cream herself. It was lemon.

"Two." Hotaru ducked because she thought that she had been too cheeky, but Haruka only laughed harder. Then she nodded and ordered the ice creams. With a happy grin on her face Hotaru took the waffle and ran along the sandy way by the sea. On the one side there was the huge park of Tokyo and on the other side there was the wide ocean. Haruka loved that peaceful path and it wasn't too stony for Michiru's wheelchair. First they wanted to go on holidays but after they visited the ill girl they decided to stay at Mugen Gakkuen during their summer holidays. So they went out with Hotaru as many times as the girl was strong enough to leave her bed. Dr. Tomoe thanked them often that they cared about his daughter because he simply didn't have enough time to go out with her instead. Only Kaori glared at them each time they took the little girl and left the apartment.

"She's so different now." Whispered Haruka and watched Hotaru running over the sand and waving at the seabirds above.

"Hai, maybe she's ill, but she's still a little girl who wants to be free." Answered Michiru and smiled as the little girl turned around and waved at them. Then her face got paler as she saw how Hotaru gasped for breath. The ice cream fell upon the sandy ground and the little girl went into her knees. Her dark hair covered her face as she winced again. Silently she whimpered while she tried to catch enough breath to carry on.

"Princess..." The next minute Haruka was by her side and took her carefully into her strong arms. Hotaru raised her head and her face was very white. She looked as if she would faint and tears burned in her dark eyes.

"It's over in a minute..." groaned Hotaru and made such a sad face that it almost broke Haruka's heart. She felt how the little body in her arms trembled and could feel that it was too hot for Hotaru in her dark dress. Determinedly she opened the bottoms and tried to help the little girl out of her clothes.

"No..." whimpered Hotaru and tried to shake her head. The roundabout she seemed to be sitting in increased its speed and suddenly the little girl coughed. Haruka held her as she threw up her breakfast. The young racer didn't wince away. She simply supported her as she leaned back against her chest after it was over.

"You need to get out of your armor, princess. It's too hot and you can hardly breathe." Declared Haruka and looked up at Michiru who rolled next to her. The young violinist was very pale herself and looked very concerned down at the small girl.

"No..." declared Hotaru in a weak voice, but she couldn't defend herself as Haruka stripped her dress and freed her from her prison that took her breath away. "Don't look at my body. It's so ugly..." whispered the little girl and turned her head away. Tears burned in her eyes but she couldn't let them fall. She was simply to weak for even this small action.

Haruka stared in shock at the scars that covered the little body. A small, pale body. A fragile body... Shortly the young racer and Michiru exchanged glances. Then Haruka stood up with the girl in her arms and went over to the sparkling water. She knew about the accident Dr. Tomoe's daughter survived some years ago. But she hadn't known that Hotaru escaped death so tightly.

I didn't suspect that she already knows how cruel this world can be.

Slowly Haruka entered the water and forced herself to go deeper into it, because it was still cool and she wasn't the person who swam with every temperature. She wasn't a fish like her girlfriend.

I didn't know that Hotaru went through the same bloody hell we experienced, too.

"You aren't ugly, princess. You're beautiful." Whispered Haruka and didn't even notice that her voice was suddenly very shaky.

Hotaru gasped, but a tiny smile appeared on her pale face as she felt the nice cool water on her hot skin. Suddenly she could breathe again and the dizziness disappeared partly from her mind.

"Better now?" asked Haruka and looked concerned down at the little girl in her strong arms.

"Hai..." whispered Hotaru and touched carefully the ocean's surface. Then her dark eyes grew wide. "But now you're wet all over and..."

"I wanted to take a bath this evening and so I did it now. Nothing to worry about, princess." Haruka laid her head in the neck and looked up to the endless sky. "Do you see the sea bird there?" asked the car racer and dark eyes followed her look. Hotaru nodded and suddenly wrapped her arms around Haruka's neck.

"It was also weak when it was young. But it got stronger with every day it grew up. One day you'll be as free as that bird out there, Hime-chan." said the young racer and stroked over velvet hair. The little girl watched silently the animal flying careless in the sea wind.

For a long time they stood in the waves and watched the animal. They simply enjoyed the presence of each other and Hotaru felt so safe and secure she had never felt with her father. Not after the terrible accident.

"Last night I had a strange dream." Declared Hotaru finally very quietly and Haruka almost missed her words. "I wasn't ill anymore and you called me your daughter." The little girl sighed and suddenly she sounded older than her eight years. "I wish you were my parents."

The young racer swallowed. She didn't know what to say.

What shall I reply? That I'd like to call you my daughter? That you're the only child I'd be able to love without fearing to become as rude and as ignorant as my father?

Haruka sighed slightly and shook her head without noticing.

She's too small. She wouldn't understand.

So the older girl only squeezed her little friend in her arms more tightly and together they watched the sea bird flying through heaven. Michiru sat in her wheelchair next to the water and glanced over to them. A thin smile laid on her face as she watched the two persons she loved more than anyone else in this world.

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"You'd be a fantastic mother." Said Michiru and drank from her ice cooled coke. They sat on a huge blanket in the park. It was already in the evening and they decided to make a picnic.

"Nani?" Haruka looked up in surprise. Michiru only pointed at the little girl laying on the blanket. She had laid her head into the young racer's lap and slept deep and tight. Thoughtlessly Haruka stroked through black hair. Now Hotaru wore Haruka's white shirt instead of her dark dress. Therefore Michiru could admire the black narrow top her girlfriend wore under it. Haruka looked really sexy and the young violinist smiled when she thought what she would do with the young racer as soon as they got home.

"I don't think that I'd be a fantastic mother. All my life I've hated children and I really can't imagine myself being pregnant. I never want to become like my father." Haruka sighed deeply but she cheered up and leaned herself against the trunk of a huge tree that covered them in a pleasant shadow.

"You'll never be like him, Ruka. And when I see you with Himme-chan, I can imagine you very good as a loving and caring parent." Michiru smiled tenderly at her girlfriend. Then she leaned forward and their noses met.

"It's a complete another thing with our princess. She isn't like the other children. She's not impatient, she doesn't scream at us and she's simply a nice little girl. She's something special." Haruka shrugged her shoulders and Michiru giggled happily.

"You should hear yourself! You sound like a proud mother talking about her daughter!" Before Haruka could reply anything Michiru had kissed her tenderly. The young racer smiled as she wrapped her right arm around Michiru's waist and pulled her closer. Then she closed her eyes and kissed her back with all her love. The kiss lasted for a very long time and as always they forgot everything around them.

"Do you wanna go back?" asked Michiru after the soft kiss ended slowly. She leaned her head against her girlfriend's shoulder and watched how the sun set behind the horizon.

Haruka first looked down at the sleeping Hotaru and then at the smiling Michiru and shook her head.

I don't wanna ever let you go. Here's were I belong.

The young racer frowned but her next thought was so naturally that it didn't really surprise her.

Here's my family.

"Nope, just a few more minutes." Whispered Haruka and stroked the soft skin of her lover's right arm. Michiru shivered slightly and giggled.

"Okay." She answered and her smile grew wider. She took her girlfriend's hand and held it tight. Both of them watched the sun set without saying a word. It wasn't necessary. They understood each other without big words. Sometimes it was enough jut to sit next to the other one and enjoy her presence.

To feel that I am not alone.

So it was this time.

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She sat there. Her eyes were closed while she listened to her music. The violin was a familiar weight on her shoulders. Her fingers moved over the strings and a soft melody filled the air. It evolved in her head some months ago and the more she played it the more it changed it's style. The more she loved it. It was kind of a love song and what once begun with a sad and desperate melody ended slowly in a sweet and tender one.

Michiru didn't open her eyes as she heard the familiar piano in the background. The player seemed to understand her music and the feelings in it. The second instrument followed her violin as if it had always been that way. Softly it accompanied the high melody and complemented it perfectly. These two parts fitted together in harmony.

The audience stood up as the song ended. It was the last song of her first concert she gave after the accident. Michiru opened her eyes and smiles into the bright arena's light. Flash lights danced through the air and she was sure that her picture would be on every newspaper the next day. At last, after a long year the daughter of the famous piano player Kaioh Gendo returned into the art's world. And it was a great come back. The halls were sold out and the people obviously seemed to love her music.

And no one ever felt unsure or even annoyed that I sit in a wheelchair.

Michiru turned slightly her head and looked over to her girlfriend. Haruka wore a white tuxedo and she looked really beautiful. Of course the young racer wanted to accompany her in her violin play. Haruka had always been very good with the piano and the audience seemed to like her play as well. But Michiru was, of course, the star of the evening.

Arigato. Michiru formed the words silently with her mouth. It had been Haruka's idea to give some concerts again. And now the young violinist knew that it had been the right decision.

I love you. A tender smile appeared on the tomboy's face and Michiru couldn't help but return the smile with all her strong feelings toward her girlfriend.

I love you, too. 

Then she rolled nearer to the stage's rim, took the micro and thanked the audience for coming. Haruka watched her and enjoyed the smile on her lover's now redden face.

Maybe there's no cure for her paralysed legs. Maybe she will never be able to walk again.

Haruka sighed silently, but she knew that there was no reason for sadness anymore. Her girlfriend's deep blue eyes sparkled too happily.

Maybe she will be dependent of that wheelchair the rest of her life. But she won't mourn to death anymore. Now she's happy again. Maybe that's what all the doctors always wanted, although they couldn't repair her backbone. Maybe they simply wanted to heal her soul.

Slowly Haruka rose from her chair and came over to the young violinist as she winked for her.

With a strong soul everything is possible. Even with a weak body.

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The audience yelled excitedly as the winners splashed themselves with champagne on the huge race track's stage. The Grand Prix of Japan just started and this year all of the journalists were sure that only one person could win it:

Tenô Haruka. The son of the jailed business man Tenô Daisaku had finally returned to the race track with his fast Suzuki. With the red motor bike his opponents knew and feared too well.

It was a great comeback. He was very fast and of course he won the first race of this year's Grand Prix. And no one doubt that he wouldn't lose any race at all.

"You were great." Michiru smiled up to her girlfriend as a wet Haruka came laughing from the stage. She carried a heavy trophy in her hand and she looked really cute with the wet race suit and the messed blonde hair.

Haruka simply put the trophy down, then she took her girlfriend into her strong arms and swirled around with her without saying a word.

"Hey!" laughed Michiru in surprised and looked down into happily shinning green eyes.

"I love you." Whispered the young racer and smiled softly up to her. A smile only she knew. Especially here on the race track.

"I love you, too." Replied Michiru and they shared a long and loving kiss. Not noticing that the flash lights flew through the air again and that there would be other pictures on tomorrow's newspaper than simply a smiling winner up on the stage.

She simply needs love. heard the young violinist Yamado's voice inside her head. Michiru smiled while the kiss became more and more passionate.

She already has my heart. And I'll love her with all consequences.

The young violinist giggled as Haruka slowly finished the kiss and looked up with her with that dreamy look in her eyes that always remembered Michiru of a small child. And at the same time of a very cheeky young woman.

"Do you wanna take a shower with me? 'Cause now you're almost as wet as I." Whispered Haruka and Michiru laughed because there was no regret in her girlfriend's eyes. All she found were complete different feelings.

With that love we can reach every goal.

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The city around her fell apart. Darkness covered the sky and turned day into night. People ran around. Screaming. Crying. Bleeding. Some of them fell on the ground and she was suddenly certain that they would never stand up again.

"What..." she whispered and heard the thunder roll above her. She ducked as flashes crossed the sky and in their lights she could see all of the destruction. The skyscrapers did not longer touch the horizon. Now they looked like broken teeth. The streets were full of people in panic. But they couldn't escape their destiny and many of them died before they could reach their cars. And some who did, died by an accident. Because no one drove normally at this time. At these wars.

"What..." whispered Michiru again and walked slowly through the chaos. Her whole body hurt but she didn't even notice that she could walk again. The wheelchair was nowhere and the costume she was wearing felt so strange and at the same time so familiar. It looked a little bit like her school uniform, but the colours were darker. Maybe a dark blue or a dark green. She couldn't define in the twilight. The skirt was very short and normally she had been ashamed about it. It showed all her legs and even almost her bottom.

Guess Ruka would love to see me that way.

Michiru grinned but her smile froze as she saw the figure suddenly appearing next to her. She kneeled on the ground and held a shadow in her strong arms. Her shoulders trembled and it seemed as if the person was crying. In silence. Suppressed, but obviously in great pain.

Michiru frowned as she stepped nearer. She knew the figure too well and she would have recognized that voice everywhere.

"Ruka?" she asked and shivered as her lover raised her head. Tears ran openly over her pale cheeks. Her dark green eyes stared up to her with so much despair in them Michiru hadn't seen during the last year at Mugen Gakkuen. So much sorrow she hadn't even seen when Mr. Tenô took his daughter home two years ago.

I've only seen her so desperate once.

Michiru swallowed as she stepped closer to look over to the shadow in her girlfriend's arms.

When Ruka thought I'd die and leave her forever...

The young violinist gasped as she saw the little girl laying there on the ground. Motionless. Lifeless. Her small face was whiter than the wall. Blood covered her dark dress and her dark eyes looked up to the sky with no expression, no life in them. Michiru felt hot tears burning in her eyes. Hotaru couldn't see her anymore. Now she looked into another world. Into a peaceful place beyond this life...

"What happened?" asked the young violinist with a shaky voice and noticed that Haruka wore a similar costume as her girlfriend silently shook her head. More tears ran down her cheeks while she squeezed the body in her arms tenderly. As if she would be able with that desperate gesture to keep the life that was long gone.

"I've never wanted..." cried the blonde and ignored the loud crash as another skyscraper exploded in the dark night. Then there was only the sobbing of the two girls left. All other sound seemed to die away.

"They've said that it's our mission to rescue this world. To find the talismans and to prevent... to prevent... to..." she swallowed hard and stared down at her hands that still held the little girl tightly. "I wanted to rescue, not to kill..."

"What happened to Hime-chan?" asked Michiru and sobbed shocked. She couldn't trust her lover's words.

"She was the messiah! The world could only win this battle when she's dead. When the messiah of silence would have never been born at all..."

Michiru shook her head and swallowed hard while she watched again the city around falling apart. No, not only the city, the entire world was falling apart.

"We've won the battle but lost the war." Whispered the young violinist and went slowly on her knees beside her girlfriend.

"So I've killed her..." whispered Haruka and her voice broke finally. Her sobbing increased and she buried her her face in the blood-stained velvet hair she loved to stroke so much. "This price wasn't worth it..."

Michiru leaned forward and embraced her lover and the dead girl from behind and grabbed them is if they were her only lifeline.

_All this can't be true!_

At that moment there was a loud sound like the exploding of a bomb.

Then there was only silence...

"NOOO!" Michiru rose from her bed and looked wild into her bedroom's darkness. After a long time during which she stared expressionless into the silent room she laid back and took a deep breath. Tears were burning in her eyes but she didn't want to let them fall. She didn't want to be weak. To remember that strange dream.

The dream I have had so often in the last weeks.

The young violinist reached over to the bed's other side and found the second pillow empty. At that moment she heard the shower and the loud music that filled the entire apartment. It was the sad song she had listen to for so many times during her darkest hours after her accident. When she thought she was weak and a burden. After Haruka convinced her from the opposite she took the CD away and swore never to listen to it again. It was a very sad love song and it ended in a tragedy.

"Ruka?" whispered Michiru and rolled over to her bed's edge. It took her all her powers to get into the wheelchair. She didn't care that she only wore her thin night skirt. The cloth pasted to her still trembling body and her hair felt sweaty. She took another deep breath and rolled over to the bathroom. This time she used the automatic. She was simply too exited and her hands trembled too much to use the wheelchair in the normal way.

"Ruka?" The music engulfed her as she slowly entered the bathroom. The shower was on and steam filled the air. Michiru turned the sad melody quieter and rolled over to the open cabin. Her girlfriend crouched on the ground of the shower and stared into nothing. She had wrapped her arms around her knees and she looked very alone. Water ran down her body and she still wore her wide shirt. It was now wet and pasted to her body. Haruka put on a some weight during the last weeks but now Michiru only saw the trembling that went through the body she loved so much.

"Ruka?" asked the young violinist and cursed her wheelchair. She wanted to get out of it, to enter the cabin and to embrace her lover. To hold her tight and to show her that she wasn't alone with her fears. With the strange nightmares.

Haruka slowly raised her head and seemed to wake from her trance as she saw her girlfriend sitting next to the shower. Looking down at her in concern.

Michi-chan's looks as shocked as I feel...

"You had that nightmare, too?" asked the young violinist and Haruka only nodded. The water was very hot and it almost burned her skin. But she didn't want to leave it. To go to that terrible world outside again.

"Come out, Ruka." Whispered Michiru and reached for her.

It's a cruel world out there.

Haruka blinked and turned off the shower. She reeled as her still trembling legs hardly supported her shaking body.

But there's my Michi-chan out there. With her I am able to face everything.

The taller girl left the shower. But she didn't reach for a towel. Instead she kneeled down before the wheelchair and laid her head on her lover's lap. She wrapped her arms around Michiru's waist and closed her eyes as the smaller girl started to stroke comfortingly through her short wet hair.

"I don't know what it all means." Whispered Michiru and sighed. Haruka only squeezed her harder and didn't even notice that she wetted her lover, too. The young violinist held her tight. She didn't move. She simply stroked her girlfriend's hair and tried to forget her own nightmares as well. Finally, after maybe an hour they had silently sat there in that position, Haruka spoke. Her voice was shaky and it was only a few words she managed to say. They sounded like a whispered sob only Michiru could hear.

"I'll never want to hurt you. Nor her."

dbdbdb

The morning light woke her up. It was maybe one hour after dawn and the cloudless sky promised a wonderful late summer day.

Michiru yawned and smiled as she felt the warm body beside her. They both laid on the living-room's couch and only a thin blanket covered their naked bodies. After a while they both started to freeze in the bathroom. Both of them took a towel and silently went over to the living-room. They sat down on the couch and watched some music videos without saying a word. They simply held each other tight. In a loving and comforting embrace. They didn't talk. They didn't need to. They could feel the other's fear. They understood it.

Sometime during the night Haruka fell asleep at last. Michiru switched off the TV-set, embraced her lover tightly and followed her into a dreamless, peaceful sleep.

_Was it just a nightmare?_

Michiru looked down in her girlfriend's now relaxed face. Her hair was now dry again but helpless messed. The young violinist giggled quietly. She loved those intimate moments. Only she was able to see the tomboy this way.

_She really is cute!_

Michiru didn't want to wake her girlfriend, but she simply couldn't resist. She leaned forward and kissed her lover slightly on her lips. Haruka smiled against her lips, tightened her embrace and pulled her nearer. Then she returned the kiss with all her love.

"And I thought you're a late riser." Teased Michiru and looked into sleepy green eyes.

"I'd stand up every day at five in the morning when you're the princess who's kissing me awake." Replied the young racer and Michiru was relieved as she saw the smile on her lover's still pale face. The young violinist grinned and her hand slipped under the blanket and touched Haruka's soft skin. The taller girl groaned. Then she closed her eyes and kissed her Michi-chan with all her strong feelings.

"I see, you've already discovered your love." Declared suddenly a high voice next to them. The two girls interrupted their kiss immediately and spun around in surprise.

A figure stood in the bright sunlight. She wore a white dress and long white hair covered her back and almost touched the ground. She held a strange staff in her hands and with the long sleeves of her dress she almost looked like an angel.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Haruka with an suddenly angry expression on her face. Quickly she left the bed and covered her nakedness with one of the towels which still laid on the carpet. Michiru grabbed the blanket tighter and looked at the young woman in surprise. Maybe she was twenty five. The young violinist couldn't define. But something was in those blue eyes that made her look a lot older. Her look was so wise, she could have been older than those twenty five years.

She's many centuries old...

Michiru blinked, but she didn't know where that strange thought came from.

"What are you doing in our apartment?" Haruka was now really angry. She took the remote control as a kind of weapon and stepped nearer to the figure. The appearance only smiled lovingly at her.

Like my mother...

Haruka frowned, but she concentrated on her attack. She jumped and landed hard on the ground as the young woman simply stepped aside.

"As wild as ever." Giggled the figure and shook her head. "But that's why you're part of the big mission I'll have to give you, Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune."

Haruka came to her feet again and shook her head. Protectively she stepped between the shinning woman and her girlfriend.

"Whatever you're telling us, it's nonsense. And now, leave our apartment. NOW!" she declared coldly and pointed at the door. She still held the remote control in her suddenly trembling hands.

"You've already had those nightmares. Hadn't you?"

Haruka and Michiru exchanged short glances and the young violinist pulled the blanket tighter around her suddenly freezing body.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but..."

"They're all true." Declared the young woman and her look was not longer amused. Now it was concerned and very serious.

Normally she doesn't look that serious.

Michiru frowned over her strange thought and saw how Haruka clenched her fists.

"No!" she shouted, but it was too late. Haruka had already attacked the strange person again. But without any effort. Again she landed on the carpet and she almost lost her towel.

"These wars can't be true!" whispered the young racer and shook her head as she looked up to the shinning woman with a hateful look in her green eyes. "I won't hurt Hime-chan!"

"Hime-chan?" asked the figure and raised one eyebrow. Then she sighed and sat down on the chair next to the couch. Suddenly the shinning woman looked very exhausted. "It's all starting again, isn't it? And I don't have the power to prevent it. And my daughter hasn't awaken now. It will take another two years until she'll know again that she's your Princess and your future Queen."

"What are you saying?" whispered Michiru and smiled shakily at Haruka who still laid on the soft carpet. Her body trembled and the young violinist saw that the nightmare was still alive in her lover's head.

"I am simply telling you about your destiny. You are Sailor Neptune... and you're Sailor Uranus." Declared the shinning woman and pointed over to the taller girl. "You have to find the three talismans to prevent that the messiah of silence will be reborn. Because he will destroy this world with all its living creatures. My daughter isn't strong enough to defeat the messiah by herself. She's too small now and still too weak. So I'll give you the task to search for the talismans. You're the strongest of all senshi and I know that you never betrayed the Moon Kingdom's family in the past. I know about your loyalty and about your great powers. And about your strong will to reach every goal."

Haruka stared speechlessly at the shinning woman. The imagination of a dead Hotaru in her arms was still very present in her mind and she didn't want to believe that this nightmare could become true. One day...

"Hai, we have a strong will." Declared Michiru and laughed a sad laugh Haruka had heard a lot during the last year. "Maybe we're even the senshi you're looking for." Michiru thought about the light that rescued Haruka and her before the deadly blade of Haruka's father. The young violinist could remember too well the strange uniform and the strange powers that helped Haruka to defeat her insane father.

She had screamed "Earth Shaking" and a huge golden light hit her father and he fainted. It looked like a big planet. Maybe Uranus? And then all these terrible nightmares... All these wars...

"Maybe this mission is our destiny. Maybe we have to fight in these wars. But Queen..." automatically she used that name without knowing why. "there's something you didn't notice at all. We aren't as strong as you might think we are. At least I am not that strong." Michiru smiled a sad smile and pointed over to the chair the shinning woman was sitting in. "How should I protect the world in such a thing?"

The Queen looked down at the chair, saw the wheels at both sides. Her blue eyes grew wide and she opened her mouth for several times and shut it again. Silently she stared at the now kneeling Haruka and at a Michiru who stared determinedly back.

"Oh my god..." whispered the shinning woman and left the wheelchair as quickly as possible. "Oh my god..." she repeated suddenly horrified. Without saying a word she came over to the couch and took the blanket away before Michiru could react. The young violinist blushed deeply but she couldn't escape.

"I am paralysed." Declared Michiru with a quiet voice and lowered her head. "My legs are too weak to carry my body any longer."

At the next moment Haruka was by her side and grabbed the blanket back from the shinning woman with a warning look on her now redden face. Carefully she covered her lover again with the linen and took her into her strong arms.

"What happened?" asked the Queen obviously shocked and shook her head again. Tears burned in her deep blue eyes and Michiru wondered where she knew that reaction so well from. However, she simply couldn't remember.

"It was a car accident. My parents died and I survived. As a cripple..." she swallowed hard and felt how her lover embraced her more tightly.

"You're not a cripple, Michi-chan. And that woman's simply nuts." She growled and Michiru was sure that her Ruka would try to attack the Queen again if she tried to hurt her somehow.

"Paralysed? But you're Sailor Neptune! You can't be paralysed! That wasn't suppose to happen!" said the Queen with a tone in her voice that made Michiru very angry.

"No, it wasn't suppose to happen! Often I asked myself, why? Why me? But as time passed I started to accept my destiny. Maybe you're right and I am that Neptune, but then you'll have to accept a handicapped senshi!" she screamed and suddenly tears burned in her eyes. "Maybe I'll have to ask someone to help me into the building or where ever those talismans are, because there're a lot of steps. Maybe I can't run away when the messiah of silence will be reborn and maybe I'll awake every night screaming in my bed because of some strange nightmares. Maybe I'll have to fall out of the bed every night to take a shower afterwards, because my bloody wheelchairs rolls away from the edge! Well, but it all wasn't suppose to happen, was it?" Michiru started desperately to sob and buried her face in Haruka's shoulder.

"Okay, that's enough, Ayako. You can come out now." Declared the young racer and pressed her lips together. But no red haired girl stepped laughing out of the corner. Nor did anything else happen.

"I don't know about an Ayako. I am you future Princess's mother. It is my task to tell you about your destiny and about..." she shook her head and stepped nearer. Haruka looked wildly up to her. As wild as an animal. Ready for the big jump to defeat the shinning woman forever.

"You can't defeat me, because I am your Queen." Giggled the figure but her blue eyes were still very serious. "Trust me, Uranus. I won't ever do you any harm." The shinning woman leaned forward and stroked thoughtfully through long sea green hair. "That wasn't meant to happen. You have a hard mission and I can't risk of losing you because of that accident." She looked from a tear wet face into an angry one. She frowned and got paler as she saw the scars only she was able to see because of her powers. "And it wasn't meant that such a bad thing happens to you. But I didn't know..." The shinning woman sighed worn out and stroked over Haruka's pale cheeks. The young racer winced away but didn't defend herself. "I thought it would be better to leave you in your old lives as long as your mission hasn't started. But I didn't know about the hell you went through. If I had known about it, I..." suddenly she sobbed and bowed her head. "Gomen, Uranus and Neptune. I want to be a good Queen but I left you alone. So many things happened that shouldn't have happened at all!" As she raised her head again her cheeks were as wet as Michiru's. She reached again for the blanket and pulled it slowly away. Michiru lowered her head and felt how Haruka squeezed her harder. None of them dared to move nor to think. There was something in the shinning woman's voice that told them that they could trust her.

"I can't take away the scars from your soul, Uranus. And I can't bring back you parents, Neptune. I've got a lot of power but there're points when it's limited." She sighed worn out and raised her golden staff. A golden light filled the room and the two girls closed automatically their eyes. "But there are things I can change. Well, at least I can help you. It's your will to accept it."

Michiru could feel the pain that went through her body. She gasped and felt how her lover pulled her closer. Then the pain was gone and she felt very tired. She couldn't open her eyes again. She was too exhausted. She simply leaned her head against Haruka's shoulder and felt the blanket on her freezing skin again. Then she settled slowly into a deep but peaceful sleep.

"What have you done?" asked Haruka surprised and rocked her sleeping Michi-chan gently.

What kind of a strange bright light had that been? So strange but yet so known...

"I gave her new hope." Declared the shinning woman and lowered the staff a little bit. She looked as tired as the smaller girl felt and reeled a bit as she stepped back.

"Where are you going?"

"Where I belong to. But I'll come back as soon as you're ready to take your mission and complete it. Now isn't the right moment, Uranus. But we have to hurry up. The enemy's slowly awakening and we don't have much time left until the final battle." The young woman waved and automatically the young racer waved back. Suddenly she was sure that she had seen that strange person before. Somewhere. And that she could trust her.

"Queen?" An unsure smiled appeared on the tomboy's face.

"Hai?" The shinning woman turned for a last time before she vanished into the bright sunlight.

"Michi-chan and I... that wasn't supposed to happen, was it?"

The Queen smiled tenderly down at the sleeping face of the future Sailor Neptune and then at the concerned one of Sailor Uranus, and shook her head.

"Don't worry, Uranus. You're meant to be together."

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	9. Epilogue: But life without you

**Epilogue: But life without you. I don't know.**

It stopped to rain at dawn. Soon the raising sun broke through the dark clouds that had covered the sky for the last days. In the bright light the last raindrops started to sparkle and it looked as if nature were covered with shinning pearls. Fresh wind played with the coloured leaves of the trees. Some leaves danced exitedly in the morning dust and the rushing was almost appeasing. Surely it was going to be one of those days why this month was sometimes called Golden September.

The wheels screamed as the car stopped sharply at the parking space near the hospital. A tall girl jumped out of it and forgot to lock it. Wild wind played with her short blond hair as she ran toward the main entrance. She wore a dark shirt over her blue jeans and she stumbled more than once as she ran upstairs. She lost her car keys and swore as she picked them up in a hurry. She took her sunglasses away with an energetic motion and her dark green eyes looked very concerned as she pushed open the door. With an determined expression her face she went over to the nurse at the reception and almost crashed against the counter.

"Where's Michi-chan!" demanded Haruka and the nurse looked at her in surprise. She was new and so she didn't know her. Nor the handicapped girl who had visited her doctor twice a weak since a year.

"Where's Kaioh Michiru! Your colleague, nurse Oshima-san, called me up and told I should hurry up. That there's an emergency and that something happened..." Haruka shook her head with a wild motion and took a deep breath to calm down her exited nerves.

_Everything is all right! Michi-chan's okay! The accident was about one year ago. She had been doing so fine during the last months. There can't be a second bad accident._

Haruka clenched and opened her fists while she waited impatiently as the nurse tipped her girlfriend's name into the computer.

But what if there was a relapse? Her back bone had a very bad damage and...

"No, please!" whispered the young racer and slammed at the counter as the nurse didn't find her lover's name.

"I can't find a Laioh Michiru here." She answered and Haruka rolled her eyes.

"Kaioh Michiru!" she screamed at the new nurse and took another deep breath. "Kaioh and not Laioh! And they told me it's an emergency! I don't have any time to...!" she shook her head, clenched her fists and turned around.

And froze in motion.

She opened her mouth but she couldn't say anything. Her mind started to spin around and a dizziness controlled her thoughts.

"Ruka?" The smaller girl stepped out of the corridor's shadow. She reeled slightly as she walked very slowly over the white underground. Sweat covered a very concentrated face but her deep blue eyes shone happily. Her arms trembled but she held herself tightly at the crutches. It seemed to cost her all her powers to move her legs. One after another and still it looked very clumsy. But Haruka was suddenly sure that Michiru would be able to run again. To swim and to dance. If she only trained hard and worked concentrated with her body.

You have the power to defeat your illness.

Haruka swallowed hard as she finally could escape her trance. It jingled as the car keys crashed unseen on the ground but she didn't even hear them. Hesitantly she stepped over to her girlfriend. Still unsure if this all wasn't just a nice dream and she would wake up the next moment.

You have so much power to make our both lives worthwhile.

"Michi-chan..." whispered Haruka and caught her girlfriend as she simply let go of her crutches and wrapped her arms around her neck. They both didn't have enough strength anymore and so they went down on the ground. Holding each other tight.

You have enough will to live for the both of us...

"Ruka..." sobbed Michiru, but Haruka was certain that those tears weren't tears of sorrow which ran down her girlfriend's cheeks. Those were tears of happiness and endless joy. They looked each other deep into the eyes. Then they shared a long and loving kiss.

An older nurse snort silently into her handkerchief while the doctor stood at the other end of the corridor and smiled a satisfied smile. The word Wonder filled the air like a steady whisper while more and more nurses watched the couple kneeling on the ground. They all knew about the accident and they all knew about the wonder that had happened one year ago. When they all thought that Kaioh Gendo's daughter would die. But she woke from her deep coma and carried on with her life. With a life in a wheelchair. Trapped in a handicapped body for the rest of her time on earth. And now a second wonder had happened. Now she was able to walk again. At the moment with the help of crutches, but they all were sure that she wouldn't need them for long.

Behind the doctor stood another man in a white overall. His white hair were messed and the sun was reflected in his glasses. His right hand laid on his daughter's shoulder. The little girl looked over to the couple and a happy smile appeared on her normally pale face. Her dark eyes shone with all the love a small girl could feel and she knew that everything would be okay. Some day...

_Haruka-papa!_

_Michiru-mama!_

"I love you." Whispered Haruka between two kisses and pulled her Michi-chan a little bit closer. Michiru smiled against her girlfriend's lips and deep green eyes looked deep into shinning blue ones.

"I love you, too."

Who ever the strange woman had been. Whatever the three talisman or the messiah of silence meant. Maybe their dreams were a vision? Maybe they both were really those Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune? Maybe the Queen had been right about their destiny?

Those were questions they couldn't really answer. All they could do was to wait and to start a new life. A life together. After Haruka's father, after the deadly accident. They needed one year to recognize that they could overcome everything as long as they were together. They went through hell. More than once. It was alike what would follow. If the Queen's words were true or they had been a vision of a bad nightmare, they would see some day. And whatever would happen after those words they were sure that they would overcome it, too.

The kiss became more passionate. More loving.

It's alike what will happen as long as we're together.

You're my saviour, Michi-chan. 

You're the light in my darkness, Ruka. 

They had experienced silence for a long time. For more than two years it had determined their lives.

They both knew it's violence. Michiru could remember too well all those nights she laid awake in her bed and heard the rushes of the near sea. Knowing that she would never be able to swim again with her paralysed legs. But she remembered also how her Ruka was there every time she couldn't bare her destiny anymore. Every time she wanted to die her girlfriend was there. She comforted her and step by step she gave her back her will to live. To carry on. No matter what happened.

They knew loud rage and silent pain. Haruka could remember too well each time her father did hit her. Her body hurt almost one week after every attack. And she remembered too well that evening when she broke down at the arena and Rumiko and her teacher brought her home. How her Michi-chan helped her to understand and to love her own body again.

They had experienced a lot during the past year. They went through hell and back. They knew how it was to be sad. To be desperate. To be at the end of one's power. To be comforted. To be needed. To be loved.

But life without the other one, they didn't know.

The End

Written: 31.July 2000 – 26.August 2000

Corrected with the best of my knowledge and belief: September-November 2005


End file.
